


A place we can be together

by garden_of_stars



Series: MetaStar [1]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Catfishing, M/M, Online Relationship, Online Romance, Sibling Incest, slow burn twincest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-27 06:23:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 39,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17156888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/garden_of_stars/pseuds/garden_of_stars
Summary: In order to reconnect with his brother, Saeran creates a character to befriend his twin on LOLOL.But as they grow closer, he begins to realise... if he romances his brother online under his character's name, won't that be the perfect way to ensure that he never, ever leaves Saeran again? With his brother in real life, and an online romance with a friendly stranger, surely Saeyoung will have everything he wants.And Saeran can have everything he wants, too.Expect a lot of pining as both Saeran and Saeyoung work out their true feelings for each other over this series.This story is set after Jaehee's route - where Saeyoung wound up rescuing Saeran on his own sometime after her Good Ending.This story is based off an RP between two people! Please note that exploring an incestuous, dramatic relationship in fiction does not mean we are saying "yo my dudes, making out with your family IRL is totes cool". If you don't like reading fiction with incestuous relationships in it, please, don't read this fic!





	1. Violets in video games

**Author's Note:**

> I have been dying to share this AU with you all since the RP behind it started in July this year!

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung cracks open a fresh can of PhD Pepper and leans back in his chair.

It’s been a long, long day, but finally – finally! – he can get in a couple hours of LOLOL before bed.

At the character-select screen, he clicks the icon for his cute female mage, SevenStar. The server load mustn’t be too bad tonight, because he barely waits a minute before the familiar world of LOLOL spreads out before him. Sevenstar stands in a vast field, her leopard familiar sitting patiently at her feet.

He's pleased to see Yoosung isn't online. His best friend has finally been putting more effort into his studies and his sleep, lately. There had been plenty of hardships along the way, but… at least Yoosung had begun to work out what _he_ truly wanted to focus on…

Which naturally leads Saeyoung to think of his brother…

(What path will he take…?)

Though, really. So long as Saeran was happy... and healthy... any path was fine.

Saeyoung couldn't ask for more than that.

Even if he might want more. Yearning to be as close as they had been, as children.

But, maybe that was unrealistic.

He takes a sip from the PhD Pepper, and cracks his knuckles.

Well.

Sometimes it was nice, to escape into a little fantasy.

Plus, the new magical forest expansion pack has been out a week already, and he still hasn’t had a chance to check it out. Time to remedy that. He heads in the direction of the new area, keen to explore everything it has to offer.

He doesn't notice he's being followed, at all.

**Saeran**

Auto-follow is such a useful command. Though Saeran's had to modify the speed and distance (easily accomplished) to make it less obvious that's what he's doing.

Funny to think that after years of stalking his brother online, he's fallen back into old habits.

While his anger and resentment has faded along with the elixir withdrawal symptoms, he can’t say his life feels quite like his own, yet. An awkward fit, at best. He has no doubts he’s better off now than he ever has been, but… there's still a sense of emptiness in his everyday life. Uncertainty over who he is, now.

And for all Saeyoung has tried to support him, Saeran can't get rid of the inner voices that doubt every gesture and word of his brother’s, too. No matter how genuine.

The sense he's a burden is a constant, no matter what Saeyoung says.

But... he doesn’t want to stay like this forever.

He does want to reach out...

Only, on his terms, and no one else's.

Thus: LOLOL. When he’d learned Saeyoung was a regular player, he decided to see what was so good about it.

Then it turned into something more. In LOLOL, he could be someone not saddled with baggage and expectations. He could explore who he wanted to be, try things he could only imagine. The ultimate fantasy.

Now he has a level 35 Machinist, with decently levelled botanist and alchemist jobs.

It was then he got the idea... Why not make contact with Saeyoung in-game? He already knew all his twin's avatars, some of which were particularly infamous (looking at you, ~HackerGod~).

Lately, Saeyoung had been playing a human mage the most, so it’s this avatar Saeran decides to pursue.

It’s a plan not unlike the one where he’d planted MC into the RFA, but this time... not so sinister. Saeran simply wants to interact with his brother without their past getting in the way.

With his botanist job, he has the perfect excuse to be in the area too. While not a newbie, his character class is still a little too low level to be here otherwise. He watches Saeyoung a while, until he feels confident his brother is just doing random quests in the forest.

Perfect.

He already has his opening messages planned and ready to go.

> MetaEnigma > Hey ^^ sorry to message out of the blue...
> 
> MetaEnigma > I noticed you doing some quests in the area
> 
> MetaEnigma > I'm looking for the botany quest for violet leaves... And nowhere online has updated with the details yet...
> 
> MetaEnigma > The expansion did just come out after all…
> 
> MetaEnigma > Anyway, have you seen it?

There.

Of course, Saeyoung might not take the bait...

But this being an online game, interactions like this are to be expected. And he’s seen Saeyoung party up with other players before. Generally his guild members, but, still.

There’s a good chance that this will work.

**Saeyoung**

While he didn’t go out of his way to socialise, Saeyoung did enjoy casual chats with other players, and his guild members. Much the same as Saeran, he enjoyed having the ability to interact without any of his own personal baggage getting in the way.

> > oh lol u r pretty good to make it this far in here at ur lvl

Never mind that technically, Saeyoung had been clearing his path, battling every hostile creature in the area as he came across them.

> > WTP? I'm just exploring the new quests in here myself
> 
> > no violets so far but hth

SevenStar gives a thumbs-up emote, triggering her leopard to run in a small circle around her.

**Saeran**

Saeran has to do a quick search for those acronyms online. He's still new to MMORPGS and has mostly managed to play solo to this point, so the lingo fails him.

> > Really? That's so nice of you!

And it is, though Saeran's admittedly putting on a bit of a friendly and enthusiastic persona. It's how he's trained himself to act online when recruiting for Mint Eye, and the habit is difficult to shake.

Part of it is genuine, too...

He has his character smile in response, and types his next reply.

> > Should I invite you to a party or send a friend request or…?
> 
> > Sorry;; I've mostly been playing on my own except for random parties so I don't know what to do
> 
> > Still haven't joined a guild lol
> 
> > Oh! It's okay if you'd rather not tho
> 
> > No pressure ^^

**Saeyoung**

It's all too, too acceptable to Saeyoung's Defender of Justice persona. When he’s not letting off steam in PvP areas and raids (or playing pranks with his ~HackerGod~ avatar) he gets a kick out of helping other people. He sends a party request to MetaEnigma right away.

> > just click 'accept' when u get prompted to join my party, lol
> 
> > should appear around the bottom-right of your screen
> 
> > u've done well making it this far in the game on ur own!! i'm even more impressed lol
> 
> > r u going to be awake much longer? i'm happy to help u level after we find those violets
> 
> > then it'll be easier for u in this area, too

**Saeran**

>  > I've mostly been following guides.

It’s true. A good guide can go a long way. It'd been fun simply immersing himself in the digital world... though, only interacting with NPCs had begun to get a little boring…

Which is exactly why he's chosen to reach out now.

> > and... Thank you for the offer to lvl! I'll be awake a while yet
> 
> > if we quest in this area I'll definitely gain exp fast ^^

It feels strange that Saeyoung is so willing to help a stranger... though chances were he was playing for similar reasons Saeran was. Well. Catfishing aside.

> > Anyway, I'll follow your lead!

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung rolls his shoulders and leans back, making himself comfortable. It feels good to have a mission, rather than just looking around the area at random.

They set off deeper into the forest, passing other small groups of players as they go.

The few monsters they encounter along the way are easy for SevenStar to handle on her own, at least so far. So MetaEnigma is getting some tasty experience points, and SevenStar… well.

It’s fun to show off. It’s a little like playing an escort mission.

> > oh, i got a dye ticket from that last boar. lets u pick any colour u want for 1 item
> 
> > u want it? i have plenty of dye already

Plus, Saeyoung's already customised SevenStar heavily, her equipment all in matching shades. And the amount of gold such a potion would go for on the player market isn’t really worth the effort of selling it when he’s already so wealthy. Might as well gift it to this friendly rando.

**Saeran**

Saeran's avatar’s gear certainly leaves a lot to be desired. Mismatched in both style _and_ colour. It’d be a while until he was able to afford anything better.

> > Wow! You weren't kidding when you said you were happy to help
> 
> > Do you do this regularly?

Yoosung was more the type to offer assistance to newer players. Though, Saeran supposes he _did_ ask for help, after all. He just didn’t expect it to be this… easy? Although, talking like this was the easy part. Actually becoming Saeyoung’s _friend,_ in comparison would…

He’s not really sure how to go about it, exactly.

> > I'll be glad to take it off your hands though

He adds, with a "thanks" emote.

Things are civil, but a little bland. Saeyoung’s not going to be interested in talking more after tonight, if he can’t find a way to get him interested…

He should loosen up a little. Pretending to be something he's not for too long makes him awkward and edgy.

What if...

Yeah, what if he took SevenStar by surprise? A plan forms in his mind, and he starts typing up a hint.

> > Actually, I wanted to collect those violet leaves so I can try crafting some dye, too!

Not untrue, but that only started as an excuse.

**Saeyoung**

> > lololol
> 
> > sure. think of me as ur guardian angel, lol

He drops the dye ticket on the ground, and waits for Meta to pick it up

> > there u go~
> 
> > i look forward to ur future style

**Saeran**

Now Saeyoung's laying it on a little thick. It reminds Saeran of all that “Defender of Justice” and “God Seven” stuff his brother trotted out back in the days when they were separated. He’d found it obnoxious back then, when Saeran thought his brother had abandoned him, though he can see how his twin used it as a shield, now.

Acts… aren't necessarily bad things. Sometimes it's the only way you can approach something safely. It's worth remembering that, now of all times.

Besides. These days, Saeran knows his twin well enough to get past his defences.

Such as now.

> > Oh, I'll go ahead and use it then

With a quick thumbs up emote, Saeran selects the dye ticket... And turns his chest gear puke green. It's awful. It's mismatched. And he's supposedly going to turn some of his other gear violet?

It's perfect.

Perfectly horrendous.

**Saeyoung**

If, at this moment, Saeran listened hard enough, he might well hear Saeyoung’s muffled cackle through the shared wall of their bedrooms.

> > lololololololololololol
> 
> > now we _really_ gotta get u those violets
> 
> > this is gonna be amazing

He spams his own thumbs up emote, but then as he finishes and stops sniggering...

> > wait, north-west on the map, isn’t that…?
> 
> > think we found ur flowers

At the very least, the plants ahead are violet-coloured. It’s worth a look.

**Saeran**

Exactly the reaction Saeran wanted, and he strikes a silly pose in response. That triumphant energy only intensifies when they spot the violets...

Except, as they enter the clearing, a monster appears. Much higher level than the others they’ve faced so far. But… maybe it'll be manageable?

> > uh oh
> 
> > want to give it a go...?

Neither of them are tanks, but Saeran has plenty of potions and can attack at range, plus set some traps. Hopefully Star knows some healing spells too.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung's already firing off a few macros to beef up their damage resistance. As a heavy-hitting but squishy class, having those spells set up has been the easiest way to solo...

Machinists are a bit less squishy, but it's not going to be easy.

> > maybe we can distract it long enough for u to harvest the flowers
> 
> > dep on its status immunities we might be ok

If he was on his own, he probably would have just sprinted out of there, rather than risk the exp hit he’d receive on death. This monster looked tough...

But, hey. It's worth a shot.

Within a minute of fighting the creature, Saeyoung’s doubting their chances more and more. Star's HP is dropping rapidly, and her MP is accruing way, way too slowly for how fast he’s chewing through it. Plus, if he stops to heal too often, the creature will switch its attacks to Meta, who really can't take that kind of damage at L35.

He's so busy keeping everything going that he's not sure if Meta's even had a chance to try harvesting.

> > I can hold out maybe another 2-3 mins
> 
> > if u can get out w the loot before then, go for it

**Saeran**

Saeran hasn't even had time to think about looting. Busy trying to ward off damage and set up traps and turrets.

Still, it's now or never.

> > Ok!!

He makes a beeline for the flowers, taking some unavoidable damage as he does.

When he gets there, he's able to start harvesting, but the progess bar doesn't even get a chance to complete itself before he's hit by an attack that disrupts it.

So he tries again. Then one more time.

Then...

He's dead.

> > oh........
> 
> > well
> 
> > at least there's flowers on my grave

**Saeyoung**

> > omg

The outcome might be less than ideal, but… Meta's fun. Some people would have immediately started blaming Saeyoung for using the wrong spells, or some other complaint, despite the fact that they were clearly outmatched.

But instead, they just cracked a joke?

Meta’s definitely growing on him.

> > rip
> 
> > ill be with u soon
> 
> > hope u don't mind sharing ur grave bc, hi

And Star collapses into a heap not far from Meta's crumpled, garish form.

Well. It had been worth a try.

Maybe if he can give Meta something better for protection...

Or get their levels up. Even a couple could be enough.

> > I'm gonna respawn in the outpost village by the forest, how about u
> 
> > if we head to a portal we could get some better gear for this
> 
> > gotta make ur masterpiece right

**Saeran**

Here Saeran had been making a dark joke that he half meant, but... Saeyoung takes it to a surprisingly fun place. The sort of place he wouldn't if he heard Saeran say something like that in person.

> > At least we won't be alone in the afterlife

He somewhat means that, too.

> > That sounds like a good idea though
> 
> > I'll meet you there

With a click, he respawns at the entry village.

**Saeyoung**

> > if only u could make ur ghost khaki green too
> 
> > ill have to submit a suggestion to the forums lol

It doesn't take long to meet up with Meta again, and Star curtsies sweetly.

> > wb
> 
> > let's go haunt my equipment stash a minute lol
> 
> > pretty confident we can take that thing on w just a little more protection against earth damage
> 
> > maybe get u another level
> 
> > its personal now
> 
> > gotta take that critter down

This is kinda nice. Before this new expansion, Saeyoung had started to feel like everything was getting a bit same-y. New quests and monsters to strategise around is just what he needed.

They take a portal back to an area where Saeyoung can access the rest of Star's stash. Unlike the dye ticket, though, this stuff is pretty valuable, enough that it’s worth Star’s while to sell it properly.

It’s unlikely Meta can afford to pay for it all outright, though. So Saeyoung offers another suggestion:

> > so, if u can't afford to buy these off me...
> 
> > ...u can always use the party bank system

Something of a divisive feature, players could take out loans from each other, whether in items or gold, with perks offered to the person helping out. It had been intended to make it easier for players of mixed levels to work together, amongst a few other economic balances... although some players had turned it into a bit of a racket.

And with the bonuses Star might get for a loan of a few enhancement stones...

...well, they're both winners, right?

**Saeran**

Saeran knows the opportunity for a scam when he sees it, but also knowing his twin, he doesn't think his brother would be that underhanded with someone supposedly innocent. Nor is he that invested in the game.

So he's safe.

...Probably.

Saeyoung wouldn't do that as a prank. Only with someone he was put to teach a lesson or paid to mess with.

Worst comes to worst, Saeran will deal with it. Find a way to retaliate against his brother.

He has his avatar sweat a little, before responding:

> > you're not going to put me in debt right?
> 
> > catfishing people with your cute girl avatar probably works for some guys...

It's obviously phrased as a joke, but just in case, Saeran has his avatar stagger in exaggerated shock.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung dives on the new info almost instinctually, not that it really matters to him. He just likes to know things.

> > oh? so ur saying ur a guy?

Star poses thoughtfully, tapping her foot.

> > it can work on girls too, u know~

A pause, and another thumbs up.

> > dw though
> 
> > im already rich~
> 
> > its just even i have a limit on charity...
> 
> > its a scary world out there

Star mimes wiping her eyes - it's a shame he hasn't re-summoned the leopard - it always snuggles up against her legs when she uses that emote.

> > but thanks for thinking im cute ~<3

Star emotes blowing a kiss.

It's all innocent enough. The kind of thing Saeyoung would do in the RFA chat, too, just to see Zen spam his angry emoji.

**Saeran**

Unlike Zen, or even others in the RFA who'd respond with disdain... Saeran has his character blush.

Sometimes Saeyoung's antics were too much, but right now he's meant to be oblivious to his twin's true identity. And the avatar was cute, any bias aside...

An inner part of him does find it charming too, though Saeran deliberately avoids thinking about that.

At least the topic gives him something else to work with.

> > True... I guess gender doesn't matter

While Saeran's been conditioned to think of male-female pairs like most people, and has his own share of assumptions due to that... Even based plans around them...

When it comes down to it, it's never mattered much. If he wanted to approach a guy he'd maybe just alter how he did it, that's all.

He also knows that Saeyoung feels similarly. And that he probably expected some kind of resistance or irritation, considering how the RFA generally responded to his flirting.

Saeran has no such intentions.

> > I never said anything about being a guy tho? ^^

It's fun to add a little mystery into this dynamic. If Saeyoung was going to play pretend as another gender... Well, Saeran can too.

But back to the more pertinent question.

> > Screenshotting this convo btw
> 
> > just in case. You understand right?
> 
> > lol

**Saeyoung**

Now it's Saeyoung's turn to send the shocked emote, Star clapping her hands to her mouth.

> > ohh??? u think so too?!

This Meta character is getting more and more interesting.

It's certainly not an opinion he's heard from most of the other people in his life.

Interesting...

> > nice to meet someone open minded...

Saeyoung shakes his can of PhD Pepper, realises it's empty, and cracks open another.

He doesn't feel like sleeping at all, now.

> > also warn me next time u screenshot so i can dance for u
> 
> > i've unlocked every dance for their race and class
> 
> > my biggest achievement in this game tbh
> 
> > my pride and joy
> 
> > who needs titanium weave robes when u can moonwalk

**Saeran**

This time Saeran's reaction is appropriately dry, emoting a slow head shake.

> > I'll take the robes...

Anyway, the change in topic helps him leave things vague and Saeyoung wanting more. Honestly, Saeran hasn't thought about such things too deeply to begin with either. Only enough to know that he's never quite felt that level of attraction with anyone... Focused on Mint Eye and his brother only, for years. When he has thought about romance, it usually was within the framework of stories and games.

At least that's what he assumes. It could be he's had a brush with romance and never fully realized it. Who could blame him, with all he's been through?

He doesn’t think too hard about it. Back to the task at hand.

Saeran takes what he needs from the party inventory.

**Saeyoung**

Once they have themselves sorted out, another quick trip through the portal takes them back to the village on the outskirts of the forest.

> > ahhh actually

All those PhD Peppers are building up…

> > gimme 5 mins
> 
> > brb

Once they enter the forest it'll get too busy to pee. Better to sort it out now.

**Saeran**

...It's weird how he can time exactly when Saeyoung will return, by listening to the sound of his footsteps.

He still needs a way to fill in the time though.

What to do...

...

A prank?

Usually he doesn't have the chance, but in the virtual world it's entirely possible to give Saeyoung a taste of his own medicine. The more he considers it the more Saeran likes the idea.

It isn't a PVP area, but that doesn't matter. While Saeyoung is gone, Saeran has few minutes to set up an array of traps around his avatar.

**Saeyoung**

(Hm. Light's still on in Saeran's room.)

... hopefully his twin is enjoying whatever he's doing.

Saeyoung returns from the bathroom soon enough, to find...

> > omg
> 
> > omggggggg
> 
> > how could this have happened

For a second time that evening, Saeyoung breaks into giggles.

> > it seems like someone is beckoning me... to the spirit realm

He makes SevenStar curtsey, and then - runs a quick circle around each trap, though none trigger, given the area they’re in and the fact that they’re partied up together.

> > ohh...
> 
> > I guess I'll have to give that kind person who invited me an apology, for now

**Saeran**

Saeran shrugs innocently in game, acting entirely above suspicion despite the red-handed nature of the crime.

> > I'm sure they'll understand ^^
> 
> > Though now I have to clean up their mess...

No use wasting a good trap. Saeran goes ahead to disarm and reclaim them. Despite the tedium, it's worth it for the reaction.

Saeran finds himself smiling as he overhears Saeyoung's giggles. Knowing he's responsible for it... this is exactly the kind of connection he's been seeking.

It's been a while since he's felt so light. Once he's finished collecting all the traps, he flashes Star an "OK" emote.

> > Done!

**Saeyoung**

Cute.

Meta's cute.

Saeyoung sends back a thank you gesture, as his giggles die down.

> > good to see someone care about the environment
> 
> > I'll name the first tree spirit I summon in ur honour

They set out into the forest, both agreeing to get Meta another level before facing the beast again.

**Saeran**

At least levelling is fairly effortless. With Star’s help and the extra equipment, he manages to gain two levels within an hour. Plus he unlocks some new useful stealth abilities.

> > I think I've got the hang of it!
> 
> > ready to avenge our untimely demises?

**Saeyoung**

Star executes a jump, pumping a fist into the air. Her leopard, resummoned, leaps as well.

> > I'm so ready
> 
> > it's u and me against the world, Meta
> 
> > but in particular, that us-slaying monster-shaped part of it

They make their way back to the clearing with the violets, Star already shrouding them in the most effective protective spells for that monster's attacks.

And attack it does.

This time, they're far more prepared to fight back.

Saeyoung keeps the damage coming, but this time they're much more strategic with their approach, making up for the lack of a dedicated tank or healer. Saeran's new abilities come in handy for that, too.

**Saeran**

Compared to before, Saeran doesn't even need to worry about going straight for the loot. They're clearly able to defeat this monster together - and do so in what feels like no time at all. Somehow they're so well-coordinated that they barely need to communicate a plan.

Is this because he's studied Saeyoung's tactics for years and emulated them in other spheres of life?

Or... something else?

Sometimes, Saeran isn't sure. This is one of those times.

> > Wow!

He explains, when the beast is finally defeated. Going as far to do a victory pose.

> > I wasn't expecting it...
> 
> > But we make a pretty good team
> 
> > Ah, no offense!
> 
> > I mean... I was expecting us to almost die again haha

This isn't an act. It's exactly how he feels right now.

**Saeyoung**

He's honestly never found another player so easy to work with.

> > that...
> 
> > was...
> 
> > SO COOL

SevenStar starts doing a rumba box-step, her leopard, still alive and kicking, mimicking the steps with slightly uncanny valley levels of accuracy.

While SevenStar dances, Saeyoung right-clicks Saeran's avatar and sends a friend invite.

Because.

Why not?

He really... tonight has been really, really fun.

He's played in successful raids and other group events before, but this... it all felt really natural.

Like they were on the same page the whole time.

> > u r something else
> 
> > that almost shouldn't have been possible
> 
> > we make...

Another jump and a fist-pump into the air

> > a  g r e a t  team ^^

It's not just the fighting, either. It's...

...Meta’s just fun to talk to.

(Did I just make an actual, real friend?)

Saeyoung's great at interacting with people on a surface level. But actually making friends…?

(Ah... I'm getting carried away. It's only been a few hours. I might not even ever see them log on again.)

But somehow, it feels like that won't happen.

**Saeran**

Seeing as Saeran was aiming to send a friend request himself on the chance Saeyoung would accept it after their time together, he's pleasantly surprised when his brother initiates.

This is... it's going well.

Almost scarily well.

Maybe he hasn't thought this through. What would Saeyoung think if he ever found out?

Anxiety gnawing at him, Saeran quickly decides that it's too late now. He's started this. He can always ghost Saeyoung and simply stop logging in too, if it becomes a problem.

So he clicks accept. Deep down he knows he's only convincing himself, because...

He wants this. This easy interaction.

To actually be a _friend_ with his twin.

> > Thanks for the request!

He types immediately after, not wanting to drag it on.

> >I was thinking about adding you too...

Saeran should leave it there. Anything more would be too much, right?

Yet he's besieged by the desire to divulge more. The entire point of this charade was to interact with Saeyoung in a way that let him say what he normally couldn’t, so...

So...

His fingers move on their own accord, typing out exactly how he feels.

> > Sorry if I'm reading into this...
> 
> > Only...
> 
> > I... have a hard time making friends
> 
> > But tonight you made it feel so easy!
> 
> > I hope we can party again sometime.

It takes a great exercise of will to stop. Any further and he'll be well and truly embarrassing himself. Better to just change topics entirely.

> > But it's getting late... you should sleep.
> 
> > I'll collect the loot now!

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung's hands, about to type out a response partway through Meta's monologue, now hover over the keyboard.

Then just rest lightly on the keys.

(There's...)

(There's a strange feeling in my chest, right now...)

But what?

Almost like deja-vu. Or…?

(I… really want to keep talking to them.)

> > tomorrow
> 
> > i mean

Is this too much?

It's just... they're nice. And... he can relate.

> > i'll be on tomorrow night, too...
> 
> > if you're around, or...

When he sends that last part, he regrets hitting enter almost immediately.

Or what? Meta's either going to be around or not, if they're not, they're not. There's no suggestion for the other option.

Just wrap up. It's fine.

> > anyway i'll be around, and that'd be fun
> 
> > don't stay up too late either...
> 
> > ok?

Star waves, and then... winks.

**Saeran**

This is the first time Saeran's seen Saeyoung anything approaching shy with another person. Yes, he's been hesitant before, and not just with Saeran... but this is different.

Did he really have that much fun?

Saeran's heart soars a little at the thought. But then, just as quickly.

It sinks.

Maybe Saeyoung was behaving this way out of pity?

Of course. How could he be so naive? He's such an airhead.

...he can't get stuck on this. Bed sounds good.

> > ok ^^
> 
> > I'm going after this!

There's no promises he'll be here tomorrow. Saeran simply doesn't know.

He has Meta wave a goodbye to Star, then set about looting the plants.

**Saeyoung**

It'd be weird to hang around after that, so, Saeyoung flicks his eyes to his friends list once more and then...

> > night!

... logs off.

"Hah..." he sighs, rubbing at his eyes. Now that he’s not focusing on the screen, they feel dry and his sight is a little blurred. Definitely time for sleep. He’s in bed before his computer even finishes shutting down.

He flicks out the light, and, like always... like he’s said every night of his life since he could speak…

"Goodnight, Saeran..." he whispers into the dark.

The empty space beside him says nothing at all. Saeyoung fills the space with a pillow, hugging it as he sleeps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I am honestly so, so excited to share how this AU plays out with you all - we have put so much work into this and the Feelings. The FEELINGS!!! Watching the twins slowly fall in love and try their best to deny it but eventually give in is tons of fun...


	2. The nest I'll build with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both twins find their moods uplifted by how their last night went. Saeyoung with a new friend, Saeran with a tiny wedge he can use to slowly pry open his brother's true thoughts.
> 
> They wind out going out for a date (not a date) a date together at a scenic lookout, both awkwardly attempting to reach out to the other in real life.
> 
> If only things were as easy here as they were online...
> 
> But just as Saeran has monitored and pursued his brother online, Saeyoung will stubbornly continue to reach out to his twin offline. No matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tiny buds of feelings, beginning to blossom... RIP.

**Saeyoung**

The morning after Saeyoung’s adventures with Meta, he awakes with something vivid, something colourful teasing at his thoughts. A voice saying words he wants to hear more than anything, but no matter how hard he listens, he can’t quite make out its mysterious message. A dream that's gone before he can grasp its meaning.

But rather than leaving him frustrated, it puts him in a good mood. Somehow, it feels like the morning air has just a little tinge of magic to it.

(Guess its been a long time since I made a new friend.)

It’s understandable, when it’s barely been a year since he reunited with his twin and left the Agency behind. He’s had other things on his mind. Even Tom has seen Saeyoung less, and _he_ only lives a short walk away…

Saeyoung stretches, getting out of bed with a little more energy than usual.

(…wonder if Saeran’s awake?)

But his brother’s light is off, and his door shut when Saeyoung gets up to check.

His fingers tingle with the urge to place his hand on the doorknob... just to check everything's fine...

But, he doesn't. He needs to give Saeran his privacy.

He exhales, slowly.

His mind is treading familiar, familiar circles.

And not useful ones.

A useful circle...

Now that would be a pancake.

(…why not?)

They’re something Saeran will always eat, even in a bad mood. And if Saeyoung’s lucky, maybe seeing a fresh stack when he wakes up will even get him a smile.

So, Saeyoung gets to work.

As he practices his pancake flipping technique, he finds himself humming the new music that came with the LOLOL expansion, featured prominently in the enchanted forest area.

He had listened to it loop a lot last night, after all. It’s not surprising it got stuck in his head.

**Saeran**

Saeran wakes up with a crick in his neck and the smell of pancakes wafting through the house. His stomach makes its demands clear, and Saeran stumbles to the kitchen, rubbing at his neck.

"...Smells good," he mumbles by way of greeting. Ignoring how the song Saeyoung's humming makes his heart flip.

Did he really make such an impression?

Despite the discomfort of tricking his twin, that... feels good. Almost as if it validates everything.

Almost.

"You're in a good mood," he observes, fishing for more. It makes sense, to do a little cost-benefit analysis on how Saeyoung felt about last night. Removing all of his own messy emotions from the equation. It simplifies things. He can't make any decisions without gauging the effects.

Or so Saeran tells himself. Internally he yearns for praise.

**Saeyoung**

It's not that they don't talk. They do. But Saeyoung still feels a tingly little spark of pleasure that Saeran's initiated their first conversation for the day.

And not only that, he's even noticed Saeyoung's mood...

The attention makes him break into a smile that really has no place existing this early. Really, making pancakes was totally a Summon Saeran spell, of course his twin was going to show up.

(Is that why I started...?)

It just felt like a good idea, is all. But now that Saeran's with him, it feels like a _great_ one.

"Good morning, Saeran-ah~"

It's a struggle not to show his affection the way he wants to - which is to sprint over to his twin and wrap him in a hug, probably with some cheek rubbing and a couple more "'Saaaeran-ahh!'s"

But he knows the burden of response his brother gets at that... how it can make him freeze up... even leave.

He doesn't want Saeran to leave.

So he keeps his distance.

"You noticed, haha..." he replies, wondering how much detail he should give. Telling people your game experiences is only a step better than boring them with your dreams, right?

"I had a nice evening..." That's probably all Saeran wants to know. "Did you sleep okay?"

**Saeran**

Even when holding back there's no missing how happy Saeyoung is, and Saeran's reeling from it. Was it really that fun?

“I stayed up reading a book..." Is all he replies, clearly implying he didn't sleep much. It's true too. More importantly, "Weren't you just staying home and playing games last night?"

The confusion is justifiable. From Saeran's supposed perspective, nothing special happened.

**Saeyoung**

"Mmm, that's right..." Saeyoung flips the last pancake and lets out a dismayed squeak as the fried batter half-hangs over the edge of the pan. "U-uh... that one... that one's mine..."

Because naturally, he's piled all the well-formed pancakes onto the plate intended for his twin. "Just playing games online..." he continues absently, trying to coax the pancake back into the pan with a spatula, which only deforms it worse.

"They can be a lot of fun with the right people, you know...?"

He fruitlessly nudges the pancake once more before considering it... good enough... and dropping it on top of his own stack.

"Strawberries and ice cream?"

Generally that seemed to be Saeran's preference, but it never hurts to be sure.

**Saeran**

It is. He's already moving to the fridge to get the ice cream out.

What Saeyoung has said sticks with him though. His brother's played games on and off for a while... But never reacted like this.

Which means... maybe…  on some level… he _sees_ Saeran. Recognises him, even though an avatar.

He's not blind to how much he means to Saeyoung. It's impossible to be when at times the affection is so intense its suffocating.

It's just hard to see past that being a shallow attachment based on who he used to be. Afraid his twin is merely clinging to the possibility that Saeran could become like that again.

But, if he brother enjoys Saeran’s company without any of those assumptions...

...

Saeran had his doubts, but now he's sure. One day he'll reveal himself to Saeyoung, but only when he's ready. First, he'll make Saeyoung see and acknowledge who he is.

He'll be recognized.

Free.

Happy.

Together...

Saeran's zoning out. He does that sometimes, but now his hands are getting cold from the ice cream container, so he's drawn back into the present.

Moving to open the lid, Saeran grabs Saeyoung's imperfect plate off him and dollops some ice cream on it, before finding the strawberries to place on top. This plate can be his.

Saeyoung doesn't need to push perfection on him.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung’s mouth drops open when Saeran takes the plate with the crappier pancakes on it, but, what is he gonna do? Take them back?

(…did he do that intentionally, or did he just zone out?)

His brother did look kinda spacey right now. Sometimes Saeran does that. Sometimes it seemed fine, other times it felt like his twin had gone to a bad place.

Saeyoung rubs at the back of his arm, remembering an endless list of bad places…

Even now, he can’t help but over-analyse everything his twin does. He wants to understand…

…but nothing good will come from pushing.

He peels a banana, and starts dicing it up to place on his own stack of pancakes.

His picture-perfect, carefully constructed stack.

…he can still hear the enchanted forest music playing in the back of his head.

The tap of his knife against the cutting board… for a single moment, it almost sounds like the click of a trap, snapping shut.

**Saeran**

It isn't a kindness to let Saeyoung have the nice stack. It isn't, Saeran keeps telling himself. Whether or not the pancakes look good, they taste the same.

For instance, as soon as the sweet flavour hits his tongue, Saeran's happier. It’s difficult not to inhale the stack in an instant. Not that Saeyoung would mind. He was always encouraging Saeran to eat more…

Still, Saeran tries to savour it.

**Saeyoung**

Watching his brother eat out of the corner of his eye, Saeyoung smiles softly. Glad he decided to put extra effort into breakfast. And, given Saeran seems to be in a good mood, too…

"Wanna go for a walk, later...?"

There was a pretty lake in the new LOLOL expansion. Maybe he could take Saeran to see the one just outside the city… it’s been a while since he last took his twin there.

"There's that lake we went to a while back... the one with those tall trees, and the winding path..."

**Saeran**

The idea has some appeal. It doesn't occur to Saeran that Saeyoung might be influenced by the game this time, if only because it's such a standard suggestion for him.

Saeyoung had pressed him to be active after all, when all Saeran had felt like was lying down and dying. His choice hadn't mattered, then. Dragged out of his room over and over when all he wanted was to fade away.

Saeran won't let him forget that yet. Nonetheless... he _is_ in a good mood. And a walk wasn't too much for him now.

"Sure. The park... could be nice."

After breakfast, they go off to do their own things. Saeran washes the dishes idly and contemplates returning to his book.

It's been a few months, but he's still uncertain with what to do with all this free time. For so long, life had been his work. In a manner of speaking.

He chooses to read after all. There's so many books he's never had the chance to touch.

Lunch approaches quickly after that, and soon enough Saeyoung is knocking on his bedroom door.

**Saeyoung**

“Wanna go soon~?” Saeyoung calls through the closed door.

What he really wants to ask is: can I come in?

Not receiving an immediate response, he swallows. Letting his mind go to painful places.

It’s all too easy to do.

“Can I…?”

No…

He can’t.

“Are you ready?”

**Saeran**

"Give me a minute." Saeran says, just loud enough to be heard. With no reason to do anything, he's lying around in the clothes he's slept in.

Only on occasion has he cared enough to put in an effort... but since he's going out now, he'll at least change. Briefly, Saeran wonders if its normal to be as listless as he is. He's not entirely emotionless, but he does feel drained almost all the time.

The most he's been able to muster up to do, energized by a need to reach out in his own way... Well, it's been the LOLOL plan. Sometimes making them both food, too.

He knows it isn't easy for Saeyoung. A part of his heart wants to throw his arms wide open, accept everything and forget the pain...

It’s not that easy for Saeran either.

But a walk will do them both good.

Saeran opens the door when ready to go, meeting Saeyoung's eyes.

**Saeyoung**

And Saeyoung meets Saeran’s.

(They're beautiful…)

It doesn't matter that they've changed, over their time apart. They're still Saeran's eyes.

He wishes he could reach out, hold his brother until the lost look his eyes so often had disappeared. Though, at least it’s better than the painful look they used to have...

But right now, the look Saeran gives him is mostly just quiet readiness. Resignation, but not in a bad way. Just acceptance that they're about to do something different.

Saeyoung gives his brother a small smile, and he means it.

He always means it.

His fingertips tingle with the desire to reach out, but, he keeps his hands in his pockets.

"Happy for me to drive?"

**Saeran**

Saeran simply shrugs. Who drives doesn't matter to him so much as the car ride himself.

The suggestion does make him smile though, at a brief thought.

"Sure, unless you'll be too slow."

Why have racing cars if you won't take advantage of their speed?

**Saeyoung**

"Me??? Slow???"

Saeyoung whines, feigning hurt.

Saeran’s ribbing improves his mood.

Anything that gives Saeran’s eyes a bit of a spark… it makes Saeyoung’s heart skip.

“I should take you out on the highway… then you can see how fast I can be~”

Well. There’s still a speed limit. But, taking long trips just to drive…. watch the world go by… it had been one of the few pleasures of his time with the Agency.

He’s never done it with Saeran, though…

“…that’s a real offer, by the way. If you want. Any time.”

**Saeran**

"Why not now?"

It's impulsive, but Saeran's genuinely interested. They can have the trip and go to the park - there's still plenty of time left in the day.

It's one of moments where any awkwardness melts away. They're more frequent than they used to be, but still rare enough. Slipping past his brother into the hallway, Saeran treats his twin with an inviting smile.

"We're going out anyway, right?"

**Saeyoung**

That smile seizes Saeyoung's heart and squeezes it tight.

It leaks into his lungs like they're filled with warm fluid... but, uh, in a non-disgusting way. Where he can still breathe.

Although, for a hot second, he doesn't.

His hands want to leave his pockets so damn much. In short: his chest is warm, and his arms want to reach out for something.

So he does.

But into the air, like he's about to ride a rollercoaster.

"Yes!!! Let's do it! You're not gonna regret this!"

His eyes glitter at the thought of sharing something like this, and his smile matches them, warm and excited.

He drops his hands to his sides and nods.

"Okay, I know the perfect stretch of road..."

**Saeran**

Saeran's own breath stutters at Saeyoung's clear excitement, particularly the vibrancy of his eyes... he lets it turn into a small laugh. Convinces himself it's over Saeyoung's antics.

Admittedly, he's feeling excited too. He's always been impressed by the raw power of Saeyoung’s machines. And he's never had a chance to go on anything so fast before...

It'll be fun.

"Then let's go."

**Saeyoung**

The bunker’s at a mid-point between city and mountains, and at this time of day the traffic isn’t bad, so they make their way out to the stretch of coast Saeyoung has in mind easily enough.

There’s a few tunnels along this particular route, too, and it’s always fun going fast through a tunnel, the overhead lighting warping like you’re going through a wormhole in some sci-fi film.

Or so it always feels to Saeyoung.

As they finally pull out onto the first stretch of road where they can finally let loose… “Okay… time to listen to that _roar_~” Saeyoung announces.

They are in a Jaguar, after all.

His foot presses down on the accelerator with perfect confidence, knowing exactly how well the car can perform on this road, how much grip the tyres will have. He’d never put his brother at risk. He knows what he’s doing.

But the ride he’s taking Saeran on now is wild.

**Saeran**

The speed sets Saeran's heart pumping, adrenaline hitting him hard and now he's almost manic with delight.

Eyes wide and hair slicked back from the wind (because of course, Saeyoung drives convertibles), Saeran can't hide his glee - laughing  and gazing out at the road.

Talking is near impossible at this speed though. The sound of the car and the wind almost deafening.

**Saeyoung**

It's never been a concern before, because Saeyoung's never taken anyone with him to talk to.

But the experience is more than the words he could offer, anyway. And besides, listening to his brother laugh like that...

He has no words.

But laughter bubbles up in his chest, too, both from the sheer joy of what they're doing, and the sound of Saeran's own pleasure.

The laugh shakes him enough he has tears in his eyes, although they might be watering a little from the force of the breeze, too.

He wishes he could look over at Saeran, but at this speed that's out of the question.

So he enjoys his twin's near-manic glee out of the corner of his eyes and with his ears.

The car moves along the road so smoothly with such speed, that if they suddenly found themselves taking off and rising into the sky, following an invisible road, it wouldn't seem out of the question at all.

After a while of watching the coastline rush by, on impulse, Saeyoung takes a turn into a scenic lookout spot he’d seen signposted earlier.

While they’re out here… why not go for a walk somewhere new?

"Wanna explore a little?" he asks, eyes glinting.

There's no one else around. A place only visited by tourists and retirees, and it's not some notable landmark. Just a pretty spot, good for photos.

**Saeran**

"So we're not going to that park?" Saeran questions, though he has no issue with it. He's still reeling from the ride, and this place looks interesting enough.

That no one else is around makes it feels special too. Just him and Saeyoung coming here...

...

Saeran focuses on the scenery outside the window.

(My heart's still thudding from earlier...)

**Saeyoung**

"It's better with just the two of us here, right?" Saeyoung replies, unconsciously echoing his brother's thoughts.

Here, they can be in their own little world, just like they were on the road.

And that’s better. For reasons. That he isn’t really examining.

It just is.

They park and secure the car, not that they’re likely to need to worry. After all, if anyone else shows up, it’ll just be tourists, retirees… and, oh. Right. Maybe one other category.

…couples.

Places like this would be great to take a girlfriend or boyfriend, and then –

…his cheeks are pink. Hopefully Saeran doesn’t notice. He fiddles with the driver’s side door an extra half-second, just to get a moment to compose himself before he looks up.

It’s… it’s extremely unlikely they’ll bump into any couples making out up here.

He doesn’t need to worry about it. And Saeran would… probably just find it funny if they did, right?

Yup. And anyway. It’s just them.

Just the two of them.

It’s fine.

**Saeran**

"It's quiet." Saeran replies, which is close to an agreement. Already focusing on some plants he wants to inspect.

He jogs a little, working off the excess energy and trying to calm his internal organs down. Trying not to be so aware of Saeyoung behind him.

**Saeyoung**

This was a good decision, Saeyoung thinks, looking around. Plenty of things to look at, plenty of little trails to walk, beautiful sky stretching out overhead.

(Oh…)

“We should come back here at night some time… the stars would be really bright this far out…” he mutters, half to himself, though he’s within Saeran’s earshot.

Plus, driving at night feels twice as fast as it does in the daytime. And if it’d make Saeran laugh with excitement again like that, he’d drive at any time of the night. Getting up at 3am for impulse starry drive? No problem.

Just let him hear that sound again.

**Saeran**

Being out here under the sky, surrounded by nature... Saeran feels the chains around his heart loosen ever-so-slightly. Or maybe that's it returning to its regular rhythm.

Out here, he doesn't need to serve a purpose. He can simply be, and Saeyoung... maybe he feels the same. The comment about the night sky makes him think that. He knows how his brother finds freedom in it. The same freedom that could be felt in a speeding car, like your soul is taking flight.

...that his twin is willing to share that with him... makes Saeran wonder at the extent he takes Saeyoung for granted. So stuck in the mindset that he'd been spurned.

...he doesn't want to be a coward anymore.

"I'd like that," he says, that emotion gripping him.

**Saeyoung**

Saeran’s response has more feeling than Saeyoung was expecting. He glances over at his twin’s back, as Saeran crouches down to observe some small, white flowers.

His brother’s back reveals nothing.

“Then, let’s do it…” Saeyoung breathes, excitement seizing his throat again. Saeran doesn’t sound that… _into_ his suggestions, normally. Not against them (at least, not lately) but not… quite like this.

Did Saeyoung find a four-leaf clover he doesn’t remember, yesterday?

Because the last 24 hours have been the most fun he’s had in a while. And, more than fun…

They’ve felt…

(…good?) he thinks to himself, a little vaguely.

“Maybe tomorrow night? Or, any night… we could bring food and, and…” Saeran’s still looking at the flowers, back to his brother. Saeyoung walks over and squats down next to his twin, excitement about their future plans making him careless, not holding back out of fear his proximity is going to crowd his other half.

“Hmmm? Oh, it’s pretty…”

**Saeran**

It's a good thing his back is more or less still to Saeyoung, because for some reason tears have sprung to his eyes.

Pollen...?

Either way, he doesn't want his brother to misinterpret, so he wipes his face quickly with an exaggerated 'ugh'.

"It must be a coastal flower of some kind... I'd need to look it up, but at least I know the time of year it blooms," he adds, sounding distracted. Clearly not processing all of what Saeyoung's said.

Wait.

Tomorrow night?

"...you wanna come back so soon?"

That's... a little fast, when Saeran's only just begun his plan. He'd like to get a good grip on Saeyoung through the game as soon as possible, which is much more likely to occur at night.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung doesn't make anything of the face-wiping; in fact, his nose is kinda watering thanks to the chill of the wind in their faces earlier.

Saeran's response is his entire focus, though he stares only at the flowers as he replies in turn. "Ah, well... there's no rush... we can go any day. I got a little carried away, haha... my heart's pounding just thinking about it!"

And it is. But, he shouldn’t rush his brother. Just because Saeran is responding more... he shouldn't let himself think that gives him license to just let go and do all the things he wants to do with his twin in the space of a few days...

Saeran's given him a gift. He can't be greedy for more.

Thinking that, he stands, missing the warmth of their proximity as soon as it’s gone. His head spins a little – (low blood pressure?)

"Wanna walk up to the lookout spot?" he asks, noting the signage by one of the paths.

He should focus on being with Saeran now, not their future plans.

**Saeran**

The moment Saeyoung suggests the walk, Saeran nods and stands. There's no use in dwelling on Saeyoung's disappointment. Or his own implied rejection. It's for the best.

This is what needs to happen, so that his plan for his brother can proceed.

Saeran takes a deep breath, calming his nerves. The fresh air soothing. (That's right... denying Saeyoung a little is necessary for now.)

It's fine. He's survived worse.

And they both can enjoy their time together now.

"...yeah. I'd like to take some pictures," he offers.

**Saeyoung**

The two of them walk up the path a while, pausing occasionally to snap a few photos.

It's the perfect day for it. Sunny, but cool enough that they don't overheat. Well, Saeran rarely seems to have that problem, but Saeyoung's always radiating energy like a small furnace.

At the top...

The view gives the enchanted forest a run for its money.

Saeran snaps some photos, and Saeyoung...

(He's really enjoying this...)

His twin taking care to frame every shot, nicely.

"Hey, Saeran-ah..."

What he wants is... not just himself in the frame, but...

"...take a photo of me, too...?"

**Saeran**

"A photo of you?"

The request baffles Saeran. If he wanted a photo Saeyoung was fully capable of taking one himself... but what's with that plaintive tone?

"I didn't realize I was out here with famous musical actor Zen," Saeran mocks, covering his confusion with a joke. (Then who am I in this story, Saeyoung?) He wonders sardonically.

Technically... in a way... that was true.

There was a time that thought would've disgusted him. Now... less so.

Shrugging, Saeran turns the camera to Saeyoung. Willing despite his words.

"Did you want to make a pose?"

At least... at least the jokes keep things light. The atmosphere was heavy enough at times without any help.

**Saeyoung**

"I was just getting jealous of the trees. Haha..."

Joking.

Not joking.

(What am I saying?)

He doesn't even know. He just wanted to lighten the mood. But it definitely came out weird.

"Haha... I mean..."

He'd wanted his brother's attention, but now that his twin is looking at him through that lens, he feels more exposed than he'd anticipated.

So he latches onto the first thing his brother had said.

"How's this for a Zen pose?"

He frames his face by resting his chin in the space between his thumb and pointer finger, putting on his best rakish smile.

**Saeran**

Saeran doesn't know whether to feel relieved or not. Especially since the smile on Saeyoung's face looks...

Weird. Strange.

Odd... in the way it suits him.

He quickly snaps the picture.

"You could give him a run for his money..." A second later, Saeran realizes how that can sound and colours, in spite of himself.

**Saeyoung**

Did... did Saeran just imply he thought Saeyoung was handsome?

He glances away, at the view, cheeks a little warm as well.

(No way.)

Saeran finds his appearance tolerable, at best. And in no uncertain words had told him far, far worse, when he'd still...

(Hated me...)

That Saeran can find occasional pleasure in his company at all is a wonder.

After all... Saeyoung's face, is...

(...)

His brother must have meant the pose he used. It had... been a pretty perfect initiation of a common Zen selfie, after all. They've both seen enough of those to have them burned into their retinas... and their phone screens.

Of course.

Why would Saeyoung even think otherwise?

He's getting too hyper, again.

But, still...

Now, Saeran had a photo of him on his phone.

Along with the pretty scenery. And the nice flowers.

He feels strangely satisfied at the thought.

Although...

...not quite.

Can he... push a little more?

He shouldn't...

But he finds himself asking anyway. Or, suggesting, at least.

"...I could take a photo of you, too..."

**Saeran**

The change in subject is welcome, otherwise Saeran might have ended up flustered and tongue-tied for no good reason.

The suggestion does give him pause though.

(A photo of me... here?)

Saeran wasn't opposed to selfies, per-se. But his photography tends to focus on other things. No one else had ever really wanted photos of him, not even himself. Except...

V. For Saeyoung. Who had kept those photos on a floppy disk to this day.

And now he's tongue-tied all over again.

"Uhm..."

Now that he thinks about it...

Did Saeyoung want him to take that photo so Saeran could have a picture of him, too? Never-mind that Saeran had plenty, stocked up from years of following his twin's every move. It was important to his brother. It's powerful.

Saeran feels warm. "Is this for your collection...?" he manages to ask at last.

**Saeyoung**

"B... busted..." Saeyoung responds, putting on a guilty voice. Turning back to smile at Saeran, and holding up his hands, phone held tightly in his right.

...it wasn't a 'no'.

His smile turns hopeful. "If it's okay...? I won't post it to the messenger or anything if you don't want me to...! I'll just keep it for myself...!"

**Saeran**

Despite Saeran's reservations, both due to his own self-esteem and that, for all of Saeyoung's never-wavering, constant affection... it's the kind of unconditional love that Saeran can't help but now be suspicious of...

He's weak to that request. It's only natural. Those photos Saeyoung had kept all these years were the proof that had changed Saeran’s whole worldview.

And it's the least he can do, for all the times he's misunderstood and hated Saeyoung. He really is lucky that his brother still cares for him at all.

One day... Saeran hopes that he can be strong enough to face Saeyoung honestly.

For now, it's a question of how he should pose.

"... I believe you. What kind of shot did you want?"

**Saeyoung**

"!"

(With me...!) he wants to beg, being given an inch and wanting to take a mile.

But he doesn't say it.

He feels like he's already been asking a lot... Saeran's really been generous with him today...

"Uhm..."

Come to think of it, he hadn't expected to get this far. He doesn’t know what to ask for, at all.

"If you look at the view... I could stand here..."

Saeyoung steps closer, almost at his twin's side.

"And take a profile shot, with the sky and the treetops? You don't have to, like... do anything. Just. You. You know?"

He's babbling.

"Just... just you." The photos V had taken were much the same. Saeran, just being himself.

He still treasured those, even with his brother back.

He always would.

**Saeran**

It's impossible not to be incredibly aware of the camera, but Saeran tries to do what Saeyoung asks. There's a stiffness that can't be avoided, and his pose is somewhat defensive without even realizing it - a hand crossing his torso to grip his opposite arm. The shots V took were much more candid, and Saeran's changed from that boy who lacked any sort of awareness.

In a way, this act proves the point that's been driving him lately.

Maybe Saeyoung can see that too... will he even still want the photo, when Saeran is so different to that smiling child…?

**Saeyoung**

Of course he does. Because it's Saeran.

The stiffness and the defensive pose... is Saeran, too.

As such, Saeyoung has what he wants...

Nothing fake. If Saeran ever turns to him and smiles for a photo, Saeyoung wants it to be because his brother just felt like it.

He smiles down at his phone, having taken the shot and reviewed it.

"Thank you..." he says simply.

**Saeran**

"I know... you'll treasure it." Saeran says lamely. Incredibly self-conscious.

Is it really okay? Is Saeyoung just saying that?

It's easy to work himself up over it, but... as long as Saeyoung says he's happy, then it’s… fine.

Saeran looks down at his phone, to the photo of Saeyoung.

...now his hair is red again, they really do look alike.

Naturally. It was why he'd so much time trying to distinguish himself from his brother, right up until he felt ready to try painting over his past with Mint Eye... and more importantly to reflect his intention: reclaiming his place with Saeyoung.

Yet even with that, he can tell there's a difference. Small things that separate him from his twin. There's the physical, but more obvious is the mental. The attitude.

It makes Saeran feel a little lonely. But hasn't it always been this way? He never was a perfect mirror.

**Saeyoung**

Something in Saeran's body language changes as he looks down at his own phone.

(He looks... disappointed.)

They're still close, Saeyoung having moved to Saeran's side to take his picture. So Saeyoung leans in, looking down at the photo of himself, skewed a little from the angle he's viewing from.

"I hope it's okay..." he murmurs, looking at his own, goofy face. "If you don't... like it... you don't have to, uh..."

Ugh. What is he saying?

...keep it.

Saeran doesn't have to keep it.

(....I'm making this too big of a deal.)

Saeyoung glances around, looking for anything to distract them both from their own awkwardness. "Ah...!”

Perfect.

“I think I saw an old bird's nest... wanna see?" It was over by a plaque, to one side of the platform they were standing on.

He should be showing his brother interesting things like that.

Not getting him to take photos of himself.

**Saeran**

"Of course I'm going to keep it!" Saeran blurts out, then is subsequently mortified. Why can't he keep a tighter rein on his emotions?

"I mean... you went out of you way to ask."

...he's lost his edge.

It's been missing for a while, but his ego stings anyway. All he wants to do is enjoy the time out with his brother, with as little complications as possible. Is that so much to ask?

Resolutely, he shoves his phone back into his pocket.

"What... what was that about a bird’s nest?"

**Saeyoung**

He leads his brother over to it, glad Saeran was willing to let himself be distracted.

It's huge - though not currently occupied by any birds or eggs. Whatever bird made it used more than just sticks, too. There’s feathers, fluff, and… brightly coloured... strips of fabric?

"Think it's been plundering tourist's Hawaiian shirts?" Saeyoung jokes, pointing down at it from where they stand on the platform.

**Saeran**

His twin jokes, but Saeran can't fathom what else it could be.

"I wonder what bird decorates their nest like that..."

Animals weren’t his forte, let alone birds. Though he liked them well enough, they were yet another type of companion he was denied growing up. Seeing the nest, it gives him plenty to think about.

"They find things they like and try to make a home out of them... don't you think that's very admirable?"

**Saeyoung**

"That's a beautiful observation," Saeyoung comments, studying the nest intently. He's seen ones a bit like this, but never as big.

He wishes he knew what kind of bird it was, so he could show Saeran.

"So, this bird really likes bright colours..."

He keeps his eyes on the nest. "If I made a nest..." he tilts his head, thoughtful, though really, the answer's obvious.

"Oh... I guess I'm in mine already... the Milky Way..."

He closes his eyes a minute, picturing the photos and illustrations he's seen of their home galaxy.

"...it'd be a pretty nest, right?"

Still, with his eyes closed... he can see it, and...

"I can imagine you making a nest of clouds, Saeran... wrapping yourself in them when you sleep... and my spiral, wraps around your cloud spiral... it'd be so pretty..."

He's babbling again, but having too much fun picturing it to really pay attention to how nonsensical he's getting.

**Saeran**

It isn't nonsensical to Saeran. It's completely reasonable. Though the way Saeyoung's describing it feels incredibly intimate, filling Saeran with an emotion he can't grasp.

"You'd want to make a nest together?" Is ultimately what he gets out of it.

"We already are."

Every day. Their home is something they're trying to build together.

But some of the foundation has rotted, or the material they have to work with is no good. The blueprints are a mess.

"...I know it's not what you had in mind."

**Saeyoung**

"The bird had gaps in its nest... so it filled them with the bright colours, right?"

Saeyoung opens his eyes.

"It'll take a while to gather all those stars..." he says, softly. "I hope you don't mind waiting while I find them all... I'll bring them home to you, okay?"

He wants to put his arm around his twin. Show him that he thinks the nest they're building is already beautiful...

He satisfies the urge by just leaning a little, letting his arm rest against Saeran's a moment.

His brother doesn't pull back, so he leaves it there another moment.

And another.

The contact makes his chest ache.

"Just keep on finding those clouds, Saeran-ah... every shape and colour... so I have somewhere to hang the stars up when I'm done..." he murmurs, looking at the nest and seeing something else entirely in his mind's eye.

"We'll fill all the spaces with colour too... I know it."

**Saeran**

Saeran can see it too. The nest Saeyoung so lovingly describes. It _is_ beautiful, flaws and all.

Little does Saeyoung know, Saeran already has plans in motion, to make sure this home of theirs lasts. Clouds drift apart. Stars fade away in the morning. But Saeran will find ways to tie them together permanently. He’ll weave a web, and call it a nest. It’ll hold them together, and that’s all he cares about.

"I'm more down to earth than that," is how he responds aloud. "Clouds are nice, but you can’t rely on them."

It's painful to think that may mean he and Saeyoung have such a different outlook that they could never truly entwine together.

Reality is painful like that. In the end, a bird nest is mostly sticks.

"...But who said making a nest is easy?" he finishes.

There's no doubt it all takes hard work. Birds dedicate so much time to it.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung feels a lump in his throat.

When he was apart from his brother... sometimes it had felt like they were stuck in two different planes of reality.

Saeyoung, floating out in space...

And his other half, down on Earth...

Did his brother feel like they were always going to be in separate spaces?

The thought is enough to make him tremble, though he keeps it to himself as best he can, putting both his hands back in his pockets.

But maybe that last comment just meant Saeran thought Saeyoung was too impatient... or not working hard enough.

Both were probably true.

(I'll... be patient... I'll work harder...)

(Don't give up on me...)

There's nothing in the world he wants more than to build a nest neither of them will ever need to leave.

"Well..." he wavers, not sure how to answer. This got deeper than he expected.

"I'll study some more birds, then... I'll train under every kind... ostrich... finch... penguin..."

Nonsense is all he has to offer.

No wonder Saeran finds him so difficult...

**Saeran**

The gloominess is Saeran's fault. Guilt hits him as soon as he feels Saeyoung tremble, unavoidable since they're so close.

But it was something that needed to be said. And his brother was stubborn. Saeran knows it will take more than just this to stop him trying.

So Saeran lets it go. "You want to go to a zoo?" he asks instead, following along.

Come to think of it, that might be fun... If it was a zoo that treated the animals right.

**Saeyoung**

The suggestion makes Saeyoung brighten almost immediately.

The fact that Saeran’s words can have him stumbling one minute and then soaring the next…

…it’s a little worrying.

He needs to be stable. And safe. So that Saeran doesn’t have to feel like he needs to watch himself around his brother.

But it’s not easy… when he wants to entangle himself in his brother’s world so badly. Become so intertwined they can never be separated again.

But… Saeran agreeing, in principle, to two new outing ideas in a single day?

Maybe they aren’t in worlds as separate as his twin thinks…

“…I’d love to go to the zoo with you,” he answers truthfully. “I’ve never been to one here…”

In college, once. But the RFA had never visited one, and he’d never had a mission at one, and Saeran had never expressed interest in going before, so… there’d never been an opportunity. “We could… do that… sometime soon, too…?” he asks hopefully, not suggesting a date this time.

He needs to be patient.

**Saeran**

Seeing as the zoo is a daytime activity, and Saeran was the one that suggested it, agreeing is easy.

"I'm curious. I've never been to one at all."

It helps that Saeyoung's kept the time vague too. There were days Saeran struggled to go out at all, and his twin's brightness was so blinding that it became an irritant.

Today, he basks in it. For all the ups and downs, and buttons inadvertently pressed... he's in a good mood. Maybe because he's getting his way?

**Saeyoung**

The mood stays relatively light for the remainder of their time there, as they take in the sights and explore a little more.

As they head back, after taking a slightly different path on their return to the car.

A bright colour catches Saeyoung’s eyes. Purple…

The path to the lookout seems to have been well-maintained at some point, although it seems to have grown a little wild in the last few years.

And, at the side of the path, there’s a tall shrub (Or tree? No, probably a shrub… maybe?) Botany isn’t Saeyoung’s strong point.

What catches Saeyoung’s attention is the small purple flowers grouped together in cone-like shapes, all pointing up towards the sky.

Saeyoung stops sharply as he spots it, then leans in to given them a sniff, a little excited.

“These… aren’t violets, are they…?”

He isn’t directing the question at his twin, though Saeran probably knows.

“No… they wouldn’t be, would they… there’s no way…”

He snaps a photo of them, anyway.

**Saeran**

The observation makes Saeran's heart freeze abruptly, before starting again in a hurried patter.

There's no denying it. His twin really was affected by last night. But how? Saeran doesn't have natural charm, like MC does. Maybe it's because Saeyoung is his twin...?

That's promising, and Saeran feels his steps become lighter as he continues towards the car.

"Since when were you that interested in plants?" he asks, trying to keep casual.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung slips his phone back into his pocket.

“Haha, I’m not… _not_ interested in them…” he demurs, which isn’t exactly a lie. Saeyoung likes to know about everything. The fact that there’s no way he can ever do that in a single lifetime is a minor irritation that he accepts only grudgingly.

But he certainly doesn’t have the same dedicated interest in plants specifically, the way his brother does.

“I just thought of someone who might think it was cool I saw these today, is all.”

He wonders if Meta will be online tonight, too. It’s been an emotional day. Unwinding before bed would be good. If he can do it with a friend, all the better.

**Saeran**

Asking for details might backfire on Saeran, so he settles for giving Saeyoung a quizzical look as he opens the car door.

"Oh, speaking of people that might be interested in a photo... I'm sharing yours on the messenger."

Watching the reactions should be fun.

**Saeyoung**

"Ah, is that your sadistic side coming out, Saeran-ah?" Saeyoung teases, imagining the exact same thing.

"They'll all be so happy to hear from you, and so disappointed when they see it's me, haha," he adds, settling into the driver’s seat once they’re ready to leave.

**Saeran**

After settling into his own seat, Saeran takes out his phone to open up the messenger.

"You say that, but... They'll be glad to see you up to your usual antics," he says, completely meaning it.

It's his fault that Saeyoung's been less active on the messenger lately.

**Saeyoung**

(Would they?)

He hasn't exactly been bombarded with calls and texts in his longer stretches of time away from the RFA messenger. Though that might just be because everyone’s so used to him rarely responding. Although Saeran’s right. Everyone _has_ been very welcoming each time he pops in, lately.

Did he change, or did they?

Maybe both.

“I’ll have to stop by later to see who spams the most horrified emojis, so that I can see that appreciation myself, haha,” he responds lightly, starting the engine.

It won’t be too long before conversation becomes difficult, once they get properly out on the road and pick up speed. Saeyoung uses it to his advantage, admitting more than he normally would, knowing soon they’ll be unable to talk over the wind.

“I’m…. a little happy, too… for getting a new photo of you… I’m glad to have one of the Saeran I know now…”

And, in some ways… he’s also a little happy that he already promised not to share it with anyone else. Much as he’d love to show off his twin.

The Saeran at that moment… was only his.

**Saeran**

Seeing as that's what Saeran wants, it would be an understatement to say that Saeyoung’s admission makes him happy.

Except he knows that Saeyoung is still too wrapped up in his own ideas about how he wants the two of them to be, too. The bird’s nest today proved it.

"You don't want a better photo?"

**Saeyoung**

“Nope,” Saeyoung responds simply. “I’m very happy with that one… I really will treasure it.”

Checking the rear-view mirror, he adds, boldness continuing in the face of the oncoming wind: “But one day, I wanna take one where I’m by your side, too...”

And he fixes his eyes on the road. His foot hits the accelerator.

**Saeran**

The wind robs Saeran of words, but he barely has any to begin with. Saeyoung's declaration as sweet as it was provocative. He barely knows how to react.

So he doesn't, beyond blinking at Saeyoung with eyes as big as saucers, before turning them back to his phone. Finally posting the photo he took of Saeyoung to the messenger.

After he posts it, he leaves it open a while, studying this single moment. His twin’s expression.

What does Saeyoung really think of him? How much of his smile can Saeran trust?

The only way he can answer those questions to his satisfaction is to pursue his brother in LOLOL.

When Saeyoung can talk to him without holding anything back, there…

Then Saeran will be able to find a way forward to what he wants them to become.

He’s sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter, Saeran begins to realise that seducing his brother online as Meta will mean he can keep Saeyoung close to him in both worlds... and it'll ensure Saeyoung never leaves him in the real one. So, he decides to take his plan even further... stay tuned! (Will probably have that one ready to post by tomorrow~)


	3. My one and only

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeyoung opens up more to his brother online under the guise of anonymity, revealing thoughts he never would have shared otherwise. And Saeran can't get enough of it.
> 
> But then Saeran realises... one day this could end. His brother might stop playing LOLOL. Or fall in love with someone in the real world. And he'd no longer have all of Saeyoung's attention.
> 
> It's then that he realises the flaw in his plan... and how to fix it. To keep his twin where he should be... with Saeran... being friends online isn't enough. They need to become lovers. 
> 
> That'll solve all their problems... right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the way we write LOLOL is a mishmash of different games, but when we're talking about 'boboko's here, we're basically ripping off Final Fantasy's chocobos (feel free to google them for a visual reference if you've never seen them!)

**Saeyoung**

Home again from their trip to the lookout, the twins separate, Saeran curling up with a book in his room, Saeyoung heading into the kitchen to prepare dinner. It’s the closest thing either of them has to a routine, at this point. Any time he agrees to go out, Saeran tends to need a couple hours to himself afterwards to recharge.

Saeyoung could use some time to think, too.

As he pulls two pizza bases from the freezer to defrost while he cuts up ingredients for toppings, the photo he took of Saeran returns to his mind.  

Even if his twin was unsure about it, the fact that he’d been allowed to take it at all, and that Saeran had even tried to pose for him…

He can’t keep the smile off his face.

**Saeran**

Saeran really does appreciate the lengths Saeyoung goes to ensure they both eat. After he’d begun to live with his twin again... he wasn't up for cooking much. That Saeyoung went out of his way to learn was one of the few things that started opening his heart to his brother again.

Considering their lack of food growing up, seeing it prepared lovingly affected Saeran deeply.

Though it does make him feel like a burden, too. But still awkward enough that he can’t push through to the other side, and lend a hand himself.

Maybe tonight… he can do a little more... 

When it smells like dinner is nearly ready, he wanders into the kitchen. Putting out plates for them both.

At least then Saeyoung doesn’t have to do everything.

**Saeyoung**

Which only makes Saeyoung smile harder. But he doesn’t comment on it, given that tends to make Saeran look for ways to take such gestures back. Uncomfortable having his efforts highlighted, preferring to just _be_.

Saeyoung has learned this, and lets Saeran be. The silence between them comfortable enough.

**Saeran**

Saeran digs into his food faster than usual. At first, when Saeyoung began learning to cook, Saeran would only pick at meals, _wanting_ to enjoy the food but finding himself without an appetite.

But not tonight. Tonight he’s keen to finish quickly, and get back to LOLOL before Saeyoung does. So much about today has given him hope that he’s on the right path. His plan is working.

He's found a place where he can face Saeyoung safely. An equal.

Well. Ignoring that his brother’s character was still a much higher level…

_For now._

**Saeyoung**

He’s just happy to see his brother eating. And with him, too! The times where Saeran refused to leave his room and barely touched meals left outside his door were growing further away every day.

Saeyoung will do his best to make sure those days never return again.

When the meal’s finished, he has the same idea as his twin. Wondering if Meta would show up again, after their conversation at the end of the other night.

It takes a little while for him to head to his room, though, tidying up in the kitchen first. Another thing he almost never used to do, until Saeran re-entered his life.

**Saeran**

By the time Saeyoung logs in, Saeran's already gained a level and dyed his boot armour purple with dye made from some of the violet leaves. Attempting to give the impression he's been playing for some time since their last chat.

When he sees the message ‘Your friend SevenStar is online’ appear onscreen, he hesitates. Should he message Star first, or wait...?

Considering he's the one who got the notification, it makes sense for it to be him.

Quickly, he types up a message:

> > You're on! ^^
> 
> > I'll admit I've been waiting...
> 
> > I dyed my gear lol do you want to see?

**Saeyoung**

> > ah!!!
> 
> > i wanna see!!! >_<!!
> 
> > i wanna see so bad lololol
> 
> > glad ur here
> 
> > was thinking it'd be much more fun if u were... lol

His upper lip quirks up into a smile. It's nice... to be greeted so warmly by someone. And Meta was even waiting for him!

Completely unaware that every one of his smiles today has been thanks to his brother.

**Saeran**

Star’s enthusiastic response is promising, but more than that, it erases any doubts Saeran had about this.

If they’re both happy with this arrangement... then, it can't be bad. Even if Saeyoung doesn’t know the whole picture.

> > I'm glad we're on the same page haha
> 
> > Feels good

Saeran enters a command to find Saeyoung's location. Naturally, Star has spawned in the village they were in last night.

> > Shall I head to you?
> 
> > We can do more quests and grinding!

**Saeyoung**

That does sound good. Although...

> > oh, you'll come to me?
> 
> > you're sweet not to make a lady and her leopard travel far~
> 
> > that said
> 
> > i was thinking
> 
> > did u want to join my guild?
> 
> > no pressure
> 
> > but
> 
> > it's hand for when there's raid events
> 
> > *handy
> 
> > typo lol

**Saeran**

> > who said you were a lady?

Saeran can't help but retort, referencing their conversation the night before.

The guild request though... it’s another good sign. Though he's surprised Saeyoung was willing to ask so soon. Saeran doesn’t want to seem too eager right away, still nervous he might give himself away.

> > would I fit into your guild tho...?
> 
> > I'm not that high level;;

He's not even at the point where he can participate in raids. Unless Saeyoung was planning for the future?

That's surprising too. Maybe his brother is bolder online in general.

**Saeyoung**

> > ok u get over here rn so i can explain to ur trap-setting self how to speak to ppl with leopards lololol
> 
> > can't believe ur already doing callback jokes on me after one day
> 
> > already our lore deepens

Saeyoung pushes his glasses back along the bridge of his nose, smirking.

> > anyway
> 
> > look
> 
> > if u keep playing this game,
> 
> > i want u in my guild lolol
> 
> > we so shouldn't have won yesterday lol
> 
> > but we did
> 
> > so i wanna snap u up before other recruiters sink their fangs into u
> 
> > my guild’s mostly min-maxers but they're all friendly and open to casual play too

**Saeran**

Relieved that his gambit worked, both for the call-back and the initial hesitance... Saeran feels he can play with ease.

Especially since his twin is coming on so strong.

It doesn’t feel bad, having Saeyoung pursue him like this…

> > wow! I guess I made an impression
> 
> > almost feels like it's inevitable you'll get me haha

Which, it is. But pretending that there's a chance Saeran won't go along with Saeyoung’s wishes is fun, too.

> > though speaking of fangs and claws...
> 
> > you have a leopard
> 
> > I'm a little worried...

**Saeyoung**

> > oh
> 
> > im gonna get u
> 
> > just u wait
> 
> > ...
> 
> > lololol jk jk its fine
> 
> > but remember u owe me money~
> 
> > i kid
> 
> > but rlly
> 
> > [snikt snikt]
> 
> > (leopard claw sounds)

**Saeran**

> > oh is that how it is?
> 
> > tag? Or hide and seek?

Saeran usually prefers to be the seeker, but... in this case, watching Saeyoung try to find him could be fun. His brother had been pursuing him already for the guild… why not do it for real, too?

> > I guess I better change directions...

**Saeyoung**

> > oh???
> 
> > what do i get if I find u
> 
> > within ten minutes
> 
> > other than your lovely self and a little pile of even more lovely traps
> 
> > ?

**Saeran**

Good question. If he wants to entice Saeyoung, there should be a prize.

Though it's a hit to his pride that catching him isn't enough. Saeran has to remind himself that online, they barely know each other.

Yet his hands type on their own -

> > I'm not enough...?

Once he hits enter, Saeran fully realizes what he's done and works to backtrack quickly. He doesn't want to scare Saeyoung off!

> > In that case
> 
> > You get...
> 
> > a rare item!
> 
> > How about it?

**Saeyoung**

...cute.

Meta had been kinda cute last night, too.

For some reason, he imagines Saeran asking the same thing…

(…gah!! T-too… _too cute!!_ Reverse! Undo!)

> > hmmmmmm
> 
> > got plenty of those lol
> 
> > how about
> 
> > if I win
> 
> > u have to equip a certain accessory item
> 
> > and how about
> 
> > if u win…
> 
> > …u can recolour my armour
> 
> > im curious about what u'd do lol

**Saeran**

Considering Saeran would have to cheat to get a rare item at this stage, Saeyoung's idea is preferable. He doesn't want to get himself banned...

The fact that it's already become so easy to interact with his twin makes Saeran's heart soar.

> > good idea! I like that one better
> 
> > can't wait to dye you with my colours haha
> 
> > oh… we need a time limit though, right?

Otherwise there would be no way Saeran could win.

**Saeyoung**

> > ten minutes
> 
> > tell me when ur in position
> 
> > I look forward to catching u
> 
> > can't wait to see u wearing my secret gift lololol
> 
> > ill try not to use my claws when I pounce ~

Games you make yourself in a game...

... to Saeyoung, they're the most fun of all.

**Saeran**

> > Okay!
> 
> > No cheating

Anyone could use the location finder for friends after all.

It wouldn't be much of a game if Saeran left the area though, so he continues on until he finds a tree with a ramp to a small, hidden area at higher ground, amongst the leaves.

It's a good spot, or so Saeran thinks.

> > Ready!

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung triggers a buff that lasts for exactly ten minutes, as a fun way for him to count down the time.

> > metaaaaaaaaaaaa
> 
> > im coming for u, u, u...
> 
> > (echo sfx)

So. He knows Meta's in this area. Rather than sweep it thoroughly (impossible in ten minutes) he needs to get into their head.

As he searches, he narrates.

> > it'd be hilarious if u were following me the whole time

He spins around, just in case.

> > ...seems like u aren't
> 
> > can't wait to see u cutely following me around after i win
> 
> > you'll be a d o r a b l e in your new gear

He checks along an area filled with colourful sculptures - not a bad place for his garish friend to hide.

But, they're not there...

A few minutes have passed...

He continues on...

**Saeran**

What's cute is how Saeyoung's determined to make his character cute.

> > Aren't I cute enough?

He asks, mostly as a joke. His character looks fairly standard for this kind of game.

Minutes pass, and Saeran starts to think he can win this.

> > Are you lost?
> 
> > lol

**Saeyoung**

> > it's u who will be described as "lost" soon, meta-meta~

Saeyoung tries another location, with no success.

Hmmm. The tree paths, then.

> > sniff sniff sniff!!
> 
> > machinist-scent... I'm on the prowl

And, just as he's starting to think it's over...

> > aha!!!

He spots Meta's bright colours and...

Star has a special accessory equipped right now, as it happens. Just for this occasion. A pair of vampire fangs. The benefit of which is, she gets some special emotes, only usable while wearing the item.

He triggers one of them now - Star theatrically holding her robes over her face, then swishing them open, a clear imitation of a classic Dracula pose.

> > ohohohohohoho~
> 
> > gg!!
> 
> > that was fun!
> 
> > here's ur prize!!!

He transfers a pair of fluffy, long bunny ears to Meta's inventory (now that they’re on each other’s friends list, he doesn’t have to drop stuff on the ground any more).

> > like my fancy fangs
> 
> > u even get new emotes in these
> 
> > lucky~
> 
> > so... so...
> 
> > let's see the ears on u~

**Saeran**

Meta slumps in disappointment. Saeran really thought he would win for a minute there.

> > you got me...

Fair's fair. Saeran has his character emote clapping next, immediately straightening up.

> > congrats! That emote was pretty cool, too
> 
> > will these give me some too?

Might as well find out.

Saeran equips Meta with the ears. Immediately available is the 'bunny hop' pose - because of course. What else is there?

He runs it anyway. Meta hops on the spot, holding his arms to his chest.

Saeyoung's right... it's very cute.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung has Star swoon, pressing a hand against her forehead and the other over her heart. Tiny little hearts briefly pop over her head.

> > ohh, i knew it
> 
> > u look so cute ~
> 
> > adorable ~
> 
> > so fluffyyyyyyy

Really, Saeyoung feels like this game of theirs was unfair from the start. No matter how it ended - win or lose - the end result would have been entertaining.

> > ahhhhhh... thank u meta... ur a good sport...
> 
> > oh, both our accessories have a secondary emote u can use only if u target a friend...
> 
> > haven't actually tried them out with anyone tbh
> 
> > what does yours do??
> 
> > if u bunny hop over me im gonna die laughing

**Saeran**

Cute? Aborable? Him? Saeran thinks not. That's too much, game or no.

He is curious about this friend animation though. He moves his avatar to Star's side.

> > let’s see what they do!

**Saeyoung**

> > okay, ur in range
> 
> > u should have a 'friend emote' option for the bunny ears now
> 
> > let's seeeeeeeeeee

Meta must activate it, because they dip their head down, ears bobbing cutely, and then Star reaches out to scratch them between the bunny ears, causing Meta's foot to thump on the ground a couple times.

Saeyoung chuckles.

> > omg
> 
> > the friend emote’s even cuter than the normal one lol
> 
> > that might even beat the friend emote for bowties, where ur friend spins urs lolol

**Saeran**

> > that's clever!
> 
> > the game devs really thought of everything
> 
> > I should take notes ^^

It's easy to slip back into that developer mindset after so long doing it, that it only occurs to Saeran a moment later that... It isn't his job any more.

Oops.

It should be fine... Come to think of it, making an app or game for himself... Maybe it's something he can do with his time, now he has so much of it.

Something to think about. Anyway, Saeyoung had said something about the vampire fangs?

> > What about your friend emote?

**Saeyoung**

> > ooh, r u interested in making games? me too!!
> 
> > emotes rlly r such a fun addition to games like this
> 
> > ok, here's mine!

Saeyoung triggers the friend emote for the fangs. Meta suddenly collapses back into Star's arms, slightly clipping into her clothing, because, look, there's only so much the game devs have time to code for all this.

Meta swoons like a black and white movie heroine, while Star gets a little glimmer of light sparkle at her fangs, dipping Meta lower, as if about to bite their neck. It's theatrical, and silly, and, much like the other emotes… kinda cute.

> > lololol
> 
> > anyway if u wear those for the rest of today I'd say that's fair lol

**Saeran**

> > omg
> 
> > that's amazing hahaha

And it really is, exactly the kind of over the top theatrics Saeran enjoys. He can't help but laugh, though he tries to keep it quiet.

> > is it really okay for me to keep the ears though?

No doubt Saeyoung had to participate in a special event for them.

> > I can give them back

**Saeyoung**

> > but they suit u lol
> 
> > I think u earned them

He's really not fussed. He has so many of these sorts of items. Plus, Meta didn't seem to know about friend emotes, so this is probably the first time they've gotten an accessory that can do them. And… Meta would be more likely to stick around in LOLOL if they had more fun stuff to do...

It’d be nice if Meta stuck around…

> > tho if u don't like them, then sure ill take them back lol

**Saeran**

Saeran's fingers type an immediate response:

> > I like them!
> 
> > plus they're a gift from you so
> 
> > I'll treasure it

... That might be coming on too strong, but Saeran's genuinely grateful.

> > anyway
> 
> > want to explore more tonight?

**Saeyoung**

“Hm?”

Meta’s reaction is a little puzzling, if gratifying. Why should a gift from Star mean so much? Star is one of Saeyoung’s favourite characters on LOLOL, but she’s nowhere near his most well-known. In fact, he tends to play Star most when he’s just quietly enjoying the virtual world and its challenges.

And enjoying looking pretty.

Did... did Meta hear about Star in some way? There was that time he helped settle a feud between a mostly-Korean guild and a mostly-Russian guild, his language skills making things much easier… but that was more than a year ago, now.

So... why would a gift from Star be treasured? And why does hearing that make him feel giddy?

(... is this flirting?)

No. Noooooo... no way. He's becoming thirstier than he thought he was if he thinks _that's_ flirting.

Meta's just cute. And, maybe a bit lonely.

And friendly.

And enthusiastic.

And funny.

…they've interacted for, like, five hours at this point.

Not that… not that it's really a _problem_ if it _is_ flirting. He's not one to talk, given how he's fooled around on the messenger in the past. It's harmless.

> > lolol
> 
> > of course
> 
> > we're a great team, right?
> 
> > and stylish lolol

He does the vampire cloak flip emote again.

> > and see?
> 
> > nothing to fear from my fangs lol

**Saeran**

Saeran sighs with relief. It's nice to know he doesn’t need to worry about being too overbearing, if that's his twin's reaction.

He sends a quick party invite before typing again.

> > True... Though there's still the leopard haha
> 
> > though that's pretty stylish too!
> 
> > did you pay for it?

While some mounts and pets were accessible through quests, there were a decent amount only available by paying extra cash.

**Saeyoung**

> > nope. she's the result of nothing but my hard work lol
> 
> > i'm guessing u haven't unlocked any pets or mounts yet lol
> 
> > if u want help with any quests to get one, hth
> 
> > we could work on that as something to do before u get up to raiding levels

He’s never really made a commitment to help someone to quite this extent before. But. Meta's fun. He's having more fun, thanks to them.

(So, why not?)

> > do u know ur options?
> 
> > imagine if u got the giant hare and rode on it with bunny ears
> 
> > everyone will follow u asking for chocolate lol

**Saeran**

As usual, Saeyoung has some of the wildest ideas.

> > what if I want to keep the chocolate to myself?

That's what he'd do in real life.

> > but finding a mount sounds like something to do!
> 
> > I haven't really looked into it... But I think there's some basic bobokos I can get?

**Saeyoung**

> > awww
> 
> > what if i want some lol
> 
> > ...as for mounts, bobokos are a pretty good start, yeah... i haven't used mine in ages lol...
> 
> > i never got around to fully progressing it up to a gold boboko
> 
> > was too interested in getting a tiger mount lol
> 
> > so i can work on mine with u
> 
> > team boboko
> 
> > but once u get that u can work towards another animal u like too!

**Saeran**

The concept of matching with Saeyoung in the game... It has an appeal. Saeran's not against it - he's embraced that they're twins.

Of course his brother would prefer cat-type mounts, though.

> > you really like cats huh
> 
> > I'll stick with the boboko for now ^^
> 
> > then we can race!

That thought is fun, much like their game of hide and seek.

> > maybe I'll give you chocolate as a prize when we do

**Saeyoung**

> > yup lol
> 
> > cats r cute lol
> 
> > fluffy but also spiky
> 
> > my fave

Racing sounds like fun, too. Meta seems to like making their own fun as much as Saeyoung does.

> > as for racing... sounds good
> 
> > but i'll pick the same boboko as u so its fair
> 
> > and ill def need a prize
> 
> > bc otherwise ill be tempted to lose to u
> 
> > just to see u colour my armour lol
> 
> > i kinda want to see it lol
> 
> > u stand out from the crowd lol

**Saeran**

The colours were just a joke… Saeyoung knows that, right? Though… he knows his brother did have some weird tastes.

> > they're garish admit it
> 
> > my style isn't actually like this
> 
> > but gear changes so much at my level it doesn't matter

He performs the shrug emote, indicating that it's no big deal.

> > I'm glad you find it funny though haha
> 
> > but if you _really_ like it I might be worried...

**Saeyoung**

> > i really like it
> 
> > ...
> 
> > _because_ it's funny lol
> 
> > left an impression
> 
> > nearly did a double take when i saw purple flowers irl today lol

Star curtsies.

> > but, as u can see, my taste is impeccable
> 
> > don't u think?

Star winks and blows a kiss.

**Saeran**

He knows Saeyoung likes to ham it up and flirt a lot, but getting gestures like this directed at him, from _Saeyoung,_ is... a lot.

He's not sure how to feel about it. Saeyoung doesn't know who it really is on the other side of the screen, after all.

But. Isn't this what Saeran wanted? For his brother to treat him like he would anyone else?

The thought twists Saeran's insides a little. He doesn't want to be _just_ anyone else to his brother... but he doesn't want their relationship in the real world stuck where it is either. Playing this role… it’ll help with that. Even if it feels a little strange.

> > that's...
> 
> > whatever makes you happy ^^
> 
> > it is cute though

SevenStar certainly seems to be used as Saeyoung’s way to express his more feminine interests, that's for certain. Saeran's never been able to tell how serious his brother is about that kind of thing as a hobby, and how much he did just to get a rise out of other people.

Maybe it's the play aspect? Thinking about that puts his mind off the feelings of jealousy roiling in his stomach. Trying not to think about how dumb it is to be jealous of _himself_.

> > do you like dressing up irl too?
> 
> > you should add those purple flowers to what you wear next!

**Saeyoung**

> > oh... sometimes? if it'll make other people smile, i will
> 
> > a bit like u with ur dyes, haha
> 
> > it's nice to be able to do small things like that that'll make other ppl smile or laugh, don't u think?
> 
> > but the flowers...
> 
> > i didn't pick any

He wonders what Saeran would have thought, if he had. If he wore them. Would it make him laugh?

It would be nice if it did...

> > maybe i should have...
> 
> > do u think u'd smile, if someone did that?
> 
> > if they picked a flower and wore it? or... gave the flower to u?
> 
> > maybe i should have done that...

...but it's not like Meta is interchangeable with Saeran.

Saeran is special... some random stranger isn't going to be able to advise him there.

> > ah
> 
> > srry
> 
> > rambling lol

**Saeran**

...Ah...

What is this feeling bursting in his chest, like birds beginning to sing at the first rays of light in the morning?

Doing something to make someone smile... It explains some of Saeyoung's silliness. It didn't occur to Saeran that it's possible for _him_ to do too.

The dye had been for his own pleasure. Maybe...

> > if something you do for yourself also makes others happy...
> 
> > I'd say that's a bonus
> 
> > what's important is how it makes you feel...
> 
> > But...if you want someone to smile... I think a flower is a good start
> 
> > not because its funny, but because it's sweet ^^

Saeyoung might be playing it all off rambling, but for Saeran it's a subject worth spending time on.

> > you seem like you have something on your mind
> 
> > so I hope that helps!

And he does. Saeran isn't naive. He knows his twin is burdened by thoughts of taking care of him.

> > don't worry about rambling with me

he adds. Partly due to his secret agenda, but also... he'd like to be confided in, especially by Saeyoung. And to feel comfortable enough to start confiding back.

> > I know sometimes it's easier to confess to a stranger

Or, well... The illusion and safety of anonymity, anyway. Even if they aren’t really strangers…

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung does feel oddly comforted. There really is something to be said for confiding in others not attached to your own world, who know nothing of who you are.

> > it's okay? haha. thank u...
> 
> > i'm always frustrating my friends by talking too much lol
> 
> > and ur right, there are some things u can't say to someone u know irl
> 
> > i'm lucky to have bumped into a stranger as open-minded and warm as u
> 
> > and ur thought... is interesting
> 
> > how it would make me feel to do it… hm

He pauses a few seconds, thinking. Meta seems happy to wait, not typing anything back.

> > if i'd worn it, i don't know... a little happy?
> 
> > but thinking about if i'd given the flowers...
> 
> > it makes my heart skip...
> 
> > now that u've made me think about it... i really wish i had

If he'd picked those purple flowers, whatever they were, and given them to Saeran...

...his heart really is pounding.

(Nervous... I'd be nervous... I'd want him to like them...)

(I could have told him we could bring them home for our nest... would he have liked that, though...? I don't know...)

> > ahh... but
> 
> > it's nice of u to listen
> 
> > but i'll listen to u, too
> 
> > if u ever need an anonymous ear...

Star curtsies again. Saeyoung just really likes the animation. It looks good with mage robes. And it concludes his offer as well as anything.

**Saeran**

In response, Saeran has Meta bow. It only seems appropriate.

> > You're welcome!
> 
> > Frankly, I don't think I'm that open or warm...
> 
> > I just know how frustrating it is when no one listens

It feels ironic to tell Saeyoung that, considering he's often the perpetrator.

Though… now that he’s thinking about it. Saeran's also… been deaf to a lot of what his twin has had to say too...

Like now. It really seems like Saeyoung wants to connect with him. That he puts so much thought into making his younger brother happy...

Saeran can't help but feel guilty again, for feeling so unsatisfied.

> > so... thanks for offering
> 
> > that means a lot haha

**Saeyoung**

There's a scent of something familiar here. Low self-esteem, maybe?

Meta isn't listened to... and, despite being introspective and friendly, doesn't think of themselves that way...

> > u...
> 
> > might not think those things about urself
> 
> > but that's why an outside perspective is good ^^
> 
> > when we look at ourselves
> 
> > we see someone different to who everyone else sees
> 
> > it can be lonely...
> 
> > but both are a bit right
> 
> > so, don't let urself be limited by what u see... or what others see... or listen to!
> 
> > haha... we got a little deep just now
> 
> > but i liked it~
> 
> > tho on reflection...
> 
> > don't take my words as truth. better to make up ur own mind
> 
> > i've probably made more mistakes than anyone else
> 
> > …definitely
> 
> > im not a good example lol

**Saeran**

Speaking of someone with low self-esteem and self-awareness...

Saeran knows his brother feels it. Has shadowed Saeyoung enough to recognise his darkness.

Saeyoung tries not to show it to him though.

This is perfect.

> > even if you made mistakes
> 
> > everyone does
> 
> > nobody's perfect... I know that much
> 
> > I'll still think about what you said... But maybe you should take your own advice too

... Not that Saeran could talk.

They could both be better.

Saeyoung seems to want to move on from the topic though.

> > sorry;; you probably came here to de-stress and I started talking about this stuff
> 
> > let's move on ^^

**Saeyoung**

> > it's ok... it felt good talking to u
> 
> > feels like someone just added another star to my sky ^^
> 
> > but it's true...
> 
> > not gonna get u a cool mount just chatting
> 
> > time to get you a giant bird
> 
> > then sit on it lol

**Saeran**

After talking about how Saeyoung's ideal nest would include stars today... The comment makes Saeran feel strangely accomplished, for all he shut down his twin when they were at the lookout.

If his brother finds a star in him, that must be a good thing.

But, moving on. They spend the next hour or so questing for Saeran’s boboko mount, and the banter stays light and fun. Saeran can almost imagine… this might have been what they two of them could have been like, together, if they had grown up living normal lives…

Eventually Saeran gains a boboko of his own, the giant yellow bird now summon-able with the click of a button. Meta and Star spend some time doing further quests specifically to level it up, so it can fairly match Star's boboko.

**Saeyoung**

They ride on their chirping, goofy mounts past vast sapphire lakes... even wading through them a little, until their bobokos balk.

Star gives Meta a few Blythal Blue items, which increase the speed their mount gains experience points. There's no talk of ‘party loans’ this time.

It just feels natural to share.

They practice mounted combat, too, working out new strategies they can use when together. There’s many more opportunities to deflect damage and apply additional status effects.

> > did u know we can get them to sing?

It's getting late, and they've come a long way, but Saeyoung completely forgot to point out this other special boboko feature until now. Only reminded when he realises he's been humming along to the game music.

**Saeran**

> > really?
> 
> > how do you get them to?

This is something Saeran wants to see. A race might have to be left for tomorrow... But having the birds whistle a tune shouldn't take too much time.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung explains how to find the menu option, accessed as a sub-skill of the boboko.

It brings up a bizarre little circle made of differently coloured boboko heads, each one tap-able to produce a different note.

> > ahhhhh... it's been ages...
> 
> > im sorry;;
> 
> > I used to know how to play a lot of the game music
> 
> > but the only one I can remember how to play right now
> 
> > is just one I made up
> 
> > so u won't recognise it but, hey, u can see how they can sound at least

And Star's boboko begins to bob, nodding its head with each note, a little puff of colour appearing as Saeyoung hits the corresponding keys on his keyboard.

Except...

Saeran _does_ recognise the song Saeyoung is playing via the giant bird mount.

It sounds… very much like a nonsense song sung to him when he was much, much, younger.

**Saeran**

Oh.

_Oh._

It makes sense for that to be one of the few tunes Saeyoung could remember... Both their lives had been devoid of music.

Hearing it still causes him to freeze. It takes most his willpower not to try and play along. It helps that he isn't sure which note is which.

> > I don't know many songs either, so it's fine
> 
> > actually I'm not sure I could even play any at all
> 
> > it's amazing that you can… and it's something you've made up to boot

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung pauses playing to respond.

> > hah, I bet u could pick it up fast
> 
> > it's a bit sad this is the only one I can remember how to play on the boboko rn
> 
> > tho… I'd be even sadder if I couldn't play this one… lol
> 
> > so long as I can play this one… I'm happy
> 
> > but, I could work out how to play a melody from the game and teach u
> 
> > I bet u'd be fine once u knew a song or two, too

He resumes playing, finishing off the last few bars of the melody.

> > I hum this one to myself when I can't sleep lol
> 
> > it's good to know a few like that

**Saeran**

> > I'll have to try humming it before I sleep then

I'm all likelihood, Saeran will anyway, now he's been reminded of the song.

> > Or maybe I'll get one of the game songs stuck in my head haha
> 
> > that happens, doesn't it

It certainly did to Saeyoung earlier today. Saeran remembers how strange it was to hear how Saeyoung was affected by what they did here, out in the real world…

And now here the real world is, gently intruding on this virtual one, with the song.

**Saeyoung**

> > lol yeah stay in an area long enough and you'll be able to hear its music in your dreams lol
> 
> > speaking of which
> 
> > you should probably do that soon
> 
> > sleep i mean
> 
> > right?
> 
> > but
> 
> > if u hum the song as u go to sleep
> 
> > then I'm sure u'll have sweet dreams

He’s tired, and Meta’s sweet, and he’s still enjoying talking, so…

He shares just a little more.

Maybe too much.

> > it's a song I wrote…
> 
> > for my one and only
> 
> > if it works for u too
> 
> > I'd be happy
> 
> > the song will be happy
> 
> > to be remembered as well

He rubs at his eyes, then re-reads what he said.

(God, it's late. I'm babbling.)

> > srry
> 
> > u said it was okay to ramble, but...
> 
> > Ill send u to sleep myself if I keep this up, lol

**Saeran**

Saeran has never felt more awake without the use of caffeine pills.

His "one and only" ?

Seeing the chatroom logs, his twin could sometimes get vague but poetic when talking about him... But coming face to face to it so casually, Saeyoung happily calling him that to someone he’s only recently met…

And not only that, but saying he wants something created especially for Saeran to be remembered...

It's a critical hit.

> > ah
> 
> > no, that's not true
> 
> > I'm completely captivated
> 
> > your one and only... you said...?
> 
> > that’s a strange sort of a phrase…?

He's pushing it. Prying too much.

But it's something he wants an answer to.

Is it more of the same nostalgia, much like the song itself? Or...?

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung blinks sleepily at the screen.

> > ahhh... was that strange? I know a couple languages, sometimes I might use a weird phrase

He can think in that many languages now, sometimes his grammar can get a little eccentric…

> > I started to realise how dopey I was when I played the song, lol
> 
> > I might be talking to u directly from my dreams already lol

Meta was curious, though, and it’s harmless to explain, right? So long as he doesn’t give any personal information away.

> > uhmmmmmm;;
> 
> > how to put it
> 
> > this person
> 
> > I wrote the song for
> 
> > is my one and only
> 
> >.................
> 
> > haha... I said that already, whoops;;

He doesn’t want to state he has a brother exactly. Even if Meta’s harmless, talking about Saeran directly feels a little wrong, even now that he’s allowed to, more or less. Better to describe what Saeran is to him in other ways.

(If I was to summarise what he is to me…)

> > how should i describe it…
> 
> > they’re my important person…
> 
> > my reason
> 
> > why I can face
> 
> > those days where you just want to lie down
> 
> > and never get up again lol
> 
> > I think one reason I get along so well with u
> 
> > u r both creative and quick
> 
> > wonder if u two would get along?
> 
> > i'd love them to have more friends
> 
> > tho ill admit… i might get jealous if u two got along with each other better than me lol

...huh. One of those things you don't really realise until you find yourself typing it out at WAY too early in the morning.

> > that's selfish of me tho haha wow
> 
> > it's fine...
> 
> > if u became friends... or even...
> 
> > ...
> 
> > ...u don't really want to hear about this lol

Well. That’s part of why he’s stopped talking. The other part was the sudden idea that Meta and Saeran might… be really compatible with each other. There’s something about Meta that makes him think of Saeran… (So… they might actually be really good together, huh…)

But the thought of his brother... in a relationship...

Well. He'll cheer for whoever makes his twin feel loved...

...

He rubs at his stomach briefly, a little nauseous out of nowhere.

> > its sweet of u to listen to me babble so much
> 
> > I hope I haven't scared u off
> 
> > u asked a simple question
> 
> > but
> 
> > my answer was a little complicated;;

**Saeran**

If Saeran truly was a stranger, unfamiliar with Saeyoung’s life… he might think his brother was talking about a crush.

If it wasn't for the song… the song he knows was written just for him… Saeran might think Saeyoung was talking about someone else... which is decidedly queasy. Thinking of Saeyoung using that phrase to talk about another person feels out of place. Wrong.

Except that… it's impossible for Saeyoung to crush on him. They're brothers.

And it's normal for brothers to care for another like that.

... Isn't it?

Maybe it isn't... But they're not exactly normal people, either.

All Saeran knows is that the words make his body feel warm, and his hands shake.

Why must he struggle so much with this pure love? It's so alluring... but so difficult to trust. Even now, when Saeyoung is confessing these things to a stranger. Saeyoung broke his trust once before, after all.

Another thought, that twists his stomach into a knot: one day this pure love of Saeyoung’s might go away. Just as his brother said, there was the possibility of meeting someone else... someone who would become more important to his twin than Saeran.

It's scary. Saeran doesn't want to lose his brother again. After all, that’s why he’s been trying so hard in this virtual world, to ensure that Saeyoung finally recognises him for who he is now. To bring them closer together, in the real world.

(...Actually...)

If he's already cat-fishing his brother... Who's technically just met someone new...

Why not… go as far as he could? That way he'll guard against a future where Saeyoung leaves, by engaging him in an online relationship. Little would his brother know who he was, and Saeran could be satisfied with monopolising all his attention. His brother in one world, his lover in the other.

Yeah.

That could work.

That could solve _everything_!

Thoughts racing through his mind, Saeran types out a reply.

> > it sounds like they're really important to you
> 
> > but there's no need to worry
> 
> > I doubt we'd ever meet haha
> 
> > so you can have both of us… all to yourself!
> 
> > and I like your intensity
> 
> > sounds like you're feeling tired though so...
> 
> > you should try and get some shut eye

**Saeyoung**

> > u keep on surprising me lol
> 
> > but yeah lol
> 
> > my face keeps nearly hitting the keyboarnrndkkdkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
> 
> >... jk lol
> 
> > I feel like I'll sleep well tonight tho
> 
> > today has been great
> 
> > and this was a fun way to end it
> 
> > c u
> 
> > next time ill listen to u babble lol
> 
> > I'm sure urs will be far more interesting lol
> 
> > night!

He logs off, looking at the clock on his computer... (Yikes…) It’s amazing he's still this awake. It's been a little while since he's forced himself to stay up for anything...

That said, he’s satisfied. It was a good day with Saeran, and he even got to spend time with a friend, too.

Shutting his computer down, he heads to bed once more.

"Goodnight, Saeran..."

He barely mumbles the words to the empty space beside him, before his eyes completely shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter, Meta and Star grow closer still, Saeran working hard to capture his brother's heart online. The flirting growing more intense... can Saeran really keep it solely in the virtual world alone?


	4. Saeyoung's newest OTP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The impact of growing closer to Saeyoung is beginning to show in Saeran's real life as well, just like he wanted.
> 
> And as Meta and Star grow closer, their flirting intensifies, re-designing their characters to better match each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The photos we made of Meta and Star for this chapter were generated in Final Fantasy XIV ^^

**Saeran**

Saeran falls asleep with the song his brother wrote so long ago playing in his head, along with images of bright yellow birds, vast lakes, and fields stretching off into the horizon.

A stark contrast to the nightmares and anxieties he so often finds waiting for him when he shuts his eyes.

Like a gentle perfume, the song lingers throughout the night. Still there when he wakes. And it follows him into the kitchen, so he hums along with it, deciding to prepare breakfast for them both. For once, out of his room before Saeyoung.

Before long, he has sausages and eggs frying, feeling more energetic than he has in years.

**Saeyoung**

Much like Saeran the day before, it's the smell that rouses Saeyoung. For a brief moment, he's taken back to his time in college dorms in the USA. The cafeteria smelled much like this. And the common room.

And one of his roommates, honestly.

But it's not the US, and the astral projection of his Robo Regroup-obsessed roommate is not, shockingly, physically manifesting into his bedroom.

As he sits up, rubbing at his eyes and grabbing his glasses...

(Is… Saeran cooking?)

It's not that his twin _can't_ cook, far from it. From what Saeyoung can tell, his brother has had far more experience than he has in the kitchen. And it’s not that Saeran hasn’t prepared food in the entire time since they reunited, either… there’ve been a few days…

But for him to be awake and functioning this early...

(Did he not sleep last night?)

It's a legitimate concern. He hasn’t heard his twin awoken by nightmares for some time (the only times he’d allow himself to enter his twin’s bedroom uninvited) but there’s no question his brother’s sleeping schedule is erratic.

He makes himself presentable (though barely that, bed hair well and truly untamed) and heads out to the kitchen.

(Ah...)

As he approaches, he hears Saeran’s voice. Humming. Happy.

Which is enough to make his heart skip as it is.

But not only that… the tune Saeran is humming…

Still dopey, Saeyoung stands in the doorway to the kitchen, staring, mouth open. His glasses hang loosely in his fingers, having not quite made it to his face as he wandered, dream-like, in the direction of Good Food Smells.

"Saeran...?"

Is this still a dream?

Is he dreaming?

Is he...?

"Are you...?"

**Saeran**

Caught by surprise, Saeran abruptly fumbles with his spatula and stops humming.

"Ah-"

How... how embarrassing.

And potentially incriminating.

It... it’ll be fine. There's no reason for him to not know the song. Besides, sometimes they happen to think of the same things... they are still twins, after all…

"Oh... Good morning."

Saeran turns back to the breakfast. Away from Saeyoung, so the bright pink of his cheeks isn't visible.

**Saeyoung**

He's used to seeing Saeran's back. Although it's kind of blurry right now, what with the no glasses and the… (…wait, my eyes are kinda watering…)

Did he have the volume up on his computer last night? He… he didn’t think he did… but maybe Saeran heard him play the song? Maybe he hummed it in his sleep…?

(It could just be… a twin thing…) Saeyoung considers, following the line of reasoning his brother had been hoping for. (After all… I always get a tugging in my heart in his direction… even when we were apart… I could always find him when we were children…)

It’s not entirely silly to think that maybe their minds would both think of the same thing at the same time. Occasionally. Especially now that they were living together again.

(Besides… he seems a bit cheerful… maybe he associates feeling good with… a memory of the song…?)

It’s probably wishful thinking. But the idea makes him breathless, the hand holding his glasses moving to his chest, resting over his heart.

It won't... his heart won't stop feeling like it's going to beat itself right out of his chest. He stares at Saeran's back.

(I... want to hug him so badly.)

Hug him, squeeze him... really, cry into him a little, if he's being honest with himself.

(He remembers it... he still remembers it...)

But… doing that to Saeran now would be a great way to send his brother running straight back to his room, spatula and all.

They haven't hugged since...

...Saeyoung straightens up. Wiping at his face, and finally putting on his glasses.

"Uh... good morning..."

He can't... he can't force his feelings onto his twin. He’s the one who hurt Saeran, in the first place, after all.

He has to keep things calm...

...and normal...

...and safe...

Although he is still worried that his twin might have been up the entire night.

"Did you... sleep okay?"

**Saeran**

"It's later than you think," Saeran replies, without comment on the song.

It might be safer that way.

He can practically feel Saeyoung aching right behind him.

"Is it really so unusual for me to be up before you?" he asks lightly, though the question is anything but. Saeran is fully aware that he usually leaves his room last. Saeyoung making the effort to be up for him...

But, Saeran’s usually awake, or tossing and turning fitfully, even before Saeyoung gets up. Only his motivation to leave his bed is lacking.

…it stings to be reminded of how useless he is.

"...I slept fine," he finishes, serving a sausage up on a plate.

And he did.

He suspects that he has the song to thank for it, at least in part.

**Saeyoung**

"Oh... that's good..."

He hovers in the doorway, useless and longing.

"I slept well too..." he offers. "But. Uhm... before..."

He wants to ask. He wants to ask!

He really wants to ask!!!

You remember the song?

Do you remember the words?

Do you remember how I...?

Useless. Pushing Saeran will only make it harder for his brother.

He should just be happy he got to hear Saeran... sound like that... even just for a minute.

"I'm happy to see you," he finishes, changing direction before he says something stupid. "And the food smells really good, too..."

**Saeran**

It does. Making breakfast gives Saeran something to focus on, allowing him to calm down before facing Saeyoung again.

"Go ahead and sit. I made you a plate too..." is all he says, though there's a hesitance to his tone belying how awkward he feels.

**Saeyoung**

Is this how Saeran feels, showing up after Saeyoung's prepared breakfast for him?

Because… Saeyoung feels thankful, but also kind of awkward, himself... and a little guilty...

His stomach doesn’t care about his feelings, though. It just growls.

**Saeran**

Saeran chuckles a little, sitting down to join Saeyoung at the table. Despite the strange start, breakfast goes well.

In fact, it goes well for the next several days. Sometimes Saeyoung prepares their morning meal, sometimes Saeran. They never discuss this new pattern once, but it goes some way to making Saeran feel that little bit more useful… and Saeyoung just that little less guilty about having his twin do something like this for him.

Things go well in the evenings, too. Saeran’s pleased to see his brother logging on to LOLOL with Star every night. Always greeting Meta when he does.

Saeran’s doing his best to be careful, not wanting to rush his twin. He’s not sure what sort of person would be his brother’s ideal type, but they _are_ getting along well. If he’s patient, and observes Saeyoung carefully both online and off, he’s sure he’ll be able to make something happen.

Though… as the days turn into a little over a week… their online interactions are still fine, but... Saeran worries that they’re growing somewhat repetitive. And other than their conversation about the song, their chats have been casual and light. Nothing you can forge a deeper emotional bond over.

In other words, Saeran needs to shake things up. But how?

Considering his character, he wonders if he should change Meta’s appearance. Maybe make an avatar that would appeal more to Saeyoung, or even just tweak it more to his own tastes. Saeran had made Meta on a whim, barely tweaking the randomly generated human he’d originally been shown by the game.

The only problem is... he doesn't want to spend money on it. Looking at the online store, there were potions to totally re-do your character’s appearance, but only in exchange for real cash. The same went for costumes. Buying them wasn't an option - it would be a cost Saeyoung might notice and trace, since Saeran had no income of his own.

Though... if he asked Saeyoung in-game about his options, or for help... maybe that could work out for him? It hadn't escaped Saeran's notice that Star was outfitted with some good-looking gear.

And even if nothing came of it, at least it was a topic sure to capture his twin's interest.

As he considers this, Saeyoung logs in - as expected. This had become routine after all.

> > Meta: Hello Star ^^
> 
> > Meta: I had a question for you
> 
> > Meta: about character appearances haha
> 
> > Meta: Since you're so fashionable!

**Saeyoung**

Despite Saeran’s worrying, Saeyoung hasn’t grown bored with their interactions online. At first he thought Meta might stop showing up, their growing friendship quietly fading away. But Meta keeps appearing, and Saeyoung keeps enjoying himself. The occasional flirting has been fun, too, even though he’s pretty certain Meta doesn’t mean anything by it.

> > meta-meta, hiiiiiiiiiii
> 
> > was hoping u'd be on
> 
> > did u finally get all 99 of the golem breeches
> 
> > if not i have time to hunt today

Until now, the idea of having a LOLOL friend he spoke to daily would have made him feel a little claustrophobic. Having someone who messaged you any time you came online to game… could be a little intense.

But, it seems like it just has to be the right person. Meta’s company is never suffocating. Rather than finding himself wanting to keep things cool, Saeyoung's actively relieved when he sees Meta online.

(Some people, you just click with...)

> > but what's this about appearances lol
> 
> > thinking of changing ur hair?

**Saeran**

Oh, right. The golem breeches. Those had been annoying. Sometimes the gathering requirements of the game could really be a pain.

> > I got there... eventually ;;;
> 
> > but anyway
> 
> > not just my hair... Maybe my whole look?
> 
> > gear and body… I kind of went for what I was given when I started playing
> 
> > but there’s so many interesting options, I regret it now…
> 
> > do you know of any quests I could do?

If possible it could be fun to change his race, too. Playing as a plain human... Well, that was boring when there were so many other options.

**Saeyoung**

> > oh, well, there's the quest for being able to change hair and makeup/tattoos...
> 
> > but as for the other stuff... there are potions for that... but u can only buy them with real money...
> 
> > although...

He's been sitting on them for nearly a year at this point. Why let them go to waste?

> > I actually got a three pack of those for buying the collectors editions from the latest couple expansions
> 
> > maybe i could trade u one for some harvesting stuff?
> 
> > tho...

He'd been considering trying out one of the new races that had been added to the game with those expansions himself... maybe Star could...

> > i'd been curious about some of those new character types they added a while back,
> 
> > but couldn't be bothered making yet another character lol
> 
> > maybe we should both get makeovers lol

**Saeran**

Once again, Saeyoung seems to pre-empt what Saeran was going for. (Even without knowing it’s me… feels like hyung sees what I want right away…)

> > would that really be okay?
> 
> > cuz I'll gladly accept!
> 
> > Getting makeovers together could be so much fun!!

He means it too.

**Saeyoung**

> > just a shame we can't do it alongside each other T_T
> 
> > u have to log out and go back to the character creation screen
> 
> > but, i'd love to see what u come up with
> 
> > did u have an idea of what u wanted to do?

**Saeran**

Ah. That's right, they won't be able to talk... That's a pity. Saeran would have liked to design his new look alongside his twin. Then they could have coordinated…

> > Not human, that's for sure
> 
> > Now I've played a bit I want to try a more unique race!
> 
> > Maybe the dragon hybrids?

There were the dog people too... And the giants... And more.

But… dragons.

**Saeyoung**

> > aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
> 
> > we have a mental link!!
> 
> > aren't they the cutest???
> 
> > i keep looking at all the options for the dragon people and being jealous
> 
> > should we make them?
> 
> > (yes. we should!!!)
> 
> > meet me outside the tavern at the town ur in
> 
> > i'll get the potions out and we can trade
> 
> > AND
> 
> > MOST IMPORTANTLY
> 
> > it means when we log in we can see each other's new look right away!!

**Saeran**

All things considered, it was likely they had a mental link of some kind. But Saeyoung doesn't know that about Meta, so Saeran just tucks that away for himself.

> > Great idea!
> 
> > Let me know your wishlist for botany items and I’ll bring them
> 
> > See you there!

**Saeyoung**

Star sends Meta a list of harvestable goods (happy to accept an IOU for ones Meta doesn’t have on hand) and they meet up outside the tavern ten minutes later, chatting and swapping their relevant inventory.

> > okay, let's drink the potion and log out... then we can come back and do a photo shoot together lol

Star blows a kiss to Meta.

> > hope u don't
> 
> > miss this cute face too much once it's gone for good~

**Saeran**

> > You're coming right back…
> 
> > but… good riddance to this look of mine though!

he adds, and it feels right. Much like how he abandoned looking like Saeyoung, then Rika's preferences, then Unknown's... In a way, changing this virtual appearance is equally significant. It’s a milestone, showing the progress he's made, and the progress he hopes to make.

> > See you on the other side :)

With that, Saeran uses the potion and logs out.

**Saeyoung**

Star does the same, and Saeyoung returns to the character creation screen.

He might be here a while.

There's so many options for horns and tails, let alone everything else.

He rubs his hands together. Time to generate…

…maximum cuteness.

**Saeran**

Now that he's actually invested in his character design, Saeran is in the same predicament.

There are two ways he could go - cute or handsome. Both had their own appeal... both to himself, and, he imagines, to Saeyoung.

He could change his gender too, and _really_ give Saeyoung a surprise. It might be fun to play as a beautiful girl anyway...

On the other hand, it could be just as fun to play a dashing man. Someone who looked like Zen, maybe? The actor was good looking, something both he and his brother acknowledged more than once. As long as he gave his character their own unique twist that connected to who Saeran was, too...

It's difficult to decide. Saeran ends up making a few looks, constantly reviewing and redoing.

He almost feels bad for making Saeyoung wait. But it’s important to get this right.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung has a much better idea about Star's aesthetic now that's he's played her this long. So while the options are a little overwhelming, it’s easier to narrow down which ones best suit Star.

Once he’s done, he rotates the camera around her, getting a little burst of pride.

(She's adorable...)

Star was cute as a human, too, but the scales and horns really do add something...

He wraps up at last, wondering if Meta's done already... but as he logs in, he sees that he's alone. Meta's still offline.

(They must be going all-out~)

**Saeran**

In the end, Saeran opts to remain male after all. While still taking some cues from Zen's own aesthetics, he decides to reference the last time he catfished someone. Saeran designs Meta to have black hair and green eyes, with a face that looks attractive and approachable. At least from his perspective, as he'd chosen a picture of a man who appeared that way to him when trying to hook MC into the messenger.

He can't help but be proud.

(A look that’s for me, as much as it is for anyone else.)

Knowing the secret reference feels pretty good too. An inside-joke meant only for him.

Satisfied, Saeran confirms all details and finally logs back in.

**Saeyoung**

Star's sitting amongst some flowers by the tavern, right next to where they both logged out. He tail neatly tucked around her legs. Saeyoung’s been filling in his time lining up a couple cute screenshots of her against the foliage.

The notification pops up onto his screen. "Your friend MetaEnigma is online".

> > ahh, you're back!

He rotates the camera around, not moving Star from where she sits.

(It'd be kinda cute for them to see me like this, right?)

Once he finds the spot where Meta now stands, he has to tilt the camera... once... and then… again.

> > w... wow...!!! You're so tall!!! :O

(I mean, what'd I expect? The males in the dragon race are designed to be way taller than the females...)

He clicks his mouse cursor onto Meta, so that Star turns her head to look up at him, too.

> > what a huggable design~
> 
> > imagine if i made Star dip u now tho
> 
> > it'd be hilarious

He has Star get up at last, moving to stand in front of Meta.

> > awwwww, we look adorable together!!

**Saeran**

Figures that Saeyoung would wait in the flowers. That's cute... as cute as Star's new design, even. The height difference is way more pronounced than he expected though.

> > the gap between us... lol
> 
> > I like it ^^
> 
> > Seeing Star try to dip Meta could be pretty funny haha

Almost as funny as them talking about themselves in the third person... though, Saeran supposes that's part of the nature of an RPG.

**Saeyoung**

> > i kinda want to think of an origin story for them both now lol
> 
> > haven't really done any RP on here, never really felt like it'd work, but seeing these two i almost want to haha

Star smiles at Meta, them grimaces, then winks. Going through all the expressions one by one, apparently.

> > OOOH THAT ONE LOOKS CUTE I'M GONNA USE IT
> 
> > ahhhhh okay i gotta take some photos with uuuuuuu... come over by the tree with the flowers where i was before...
> 
> > try not to bump ur head lol

**Saeran**

Meta nods in response simply because Saeran finds that fun, and goes ahead to follow Star's lead.

> > photos huh?
> 
> > I'm flattered lol
> 
> > RP sounds like it could be fun too!

Saeran means it as well.

**Saeyoung**

Star waits for Meta, and turns to look up at them again once they're side by side.

> > click on me so that we're looking at each other

Saeyoung suggests, moving back into first person again. Switching like this is second nature to him at this point, his play always a mix of both inhabiting and controlling his character.

He's having a lot more ideas about Star and her origin, now that RP is on the table. He bumps his knee up against the top of his desk rhythmically, a little excited.

Meta must have followed his instructions, because onscreen, their eyes meet.

It... actually makes Saeyoung's heart skip a little. There's something about the way those two look at each other...

(They look so intense...)

(It's a little romantic~)

That'd be weird to say, though, right?

But...

They're very cute together...

He shuffles Star a little closer, moving the camera around to find a good spot.

> > our colours look nice together too
> 
> > i chose the prettiest ones for every feature~
> 
> > we can definitely dye you some good-looking equipment like this
> 
> > we could even do a matching theme lol

...he's getting carried away. Would Meta want to match with someone???

He tries a couple emotes, to get an idea of how far each of Star's gestures reach in her new form.

**Saeran**

It _is_ intense. Saeran wasn't expecting to feel so affected by merely making characters look at each other, but he is.

It's... just because it's like playing with dolls, right?

That must be it.

> > I can see why people get into this type of play

Speaking of equipment though...

> > If we're going to match I'd like to find some gear worth keeping though!
> 
> > going back to what I was saying earlier about any gear quests lol
> 
> > but I do think it's a good idea :)

**Saeyoung**

Oh. They want to?

He feels himself smiling at the screen, although how can he not, looking at such a cute pair of dragon people?!

> > that sounds good to me ^^
> 
> > maybe that can be our next focus for today
> 
> > ahhh, i'm gonna try the dip friend emote with the vampire fangs, hang on

He switches out his normal accessory for the fangs, and -

> > HHHHHHH
> 
> > that is
> 
> > the sweetest thing

It was funny and adorable when he'd done it before, but the size difference and... the way they're both looking at each other the whole time.

(Am I shipping this? lol)

> > i'm really glad i got a makeover too
> 
> > i just keep wanting to look at them together lol

He nudges Star a little further to the left.

Perfect. He takes another screenshot.

> > ahhhh, like this, it kind of looks like...

**Saeran**

> > They're a couple, huh?

Saeran sees it too. It's undeniable.

> > They're holding hands... And Meta just got dipped, after all!

Wait, is this coming on too strong?

> > Oh... But.
> 
> > they don't have to be... If you don't wanna
> 
> > I don't want to push you into it

**Saeyoung**

(A-ah...)

He pauses a second, taking his hand away from his keyboard and mouse to pat them against his cheeks.

He's blushing.

(...am I maybe… getting a tiny crush?)

It wouldn't exactly be the first time it’s happened. After all, at points in the past he’d had little crushes on basically everyone in the RFA. From a safe distance.

(When people show me kindness, and reach out to me despite me being me... it's natural to feel this way a little, right?)

And it's just. A thing. He finds himself smiling again.

He can just enjoy this feeling, right?

Just like he had enjoyed crushing on Yoosung, and Zen... again, from a safe distance. Until the feeling settled into a warm feeling of friendship, over time.

MC, too. Good thing he'd never made a move there, considering how that turned out. Jaehee and MC were a lovely couple.

Not that he ever would have made a move.

Not like he would now, either.

But. Still.

(A little crush doesn't hurt anyone... and it feels nice... to be excited about a person like this...)

> > I... was actually thinking the same thing...
> 
> > feels less weird now that i know u see it too lol
> 
> > was worried it was just me lolol
> 
> > we should work on our backstory later
> 
> > lovers fighting back to back...
> 
> > that's pretty cool
> 
> > now we _gotta_ match~

Star beams up at Meta.

> > argh. i love them. look at themmmm
> 
> > lol i'm already shipping it
> 
> > aaaaaaaaaa… so cute

**Saeran**

Strangely, Saeran feels really pleased. His heart beating loudly like a drum in his chest, and a smile tugging at his lips.

It has to be because this is a sign they're getting closer.

> > omg
> 
> > I'm so glad we're on the same page!
> 
> > this is exciting
> 
> > haven't done this before

**Saeyoung**

Star blows a kiss, although they're too close now, so it just clips through Meta's chest.

> > lololol
> 
> > still need to get the scale of these gestures right
> 
> > each race does their emotes a little differently too
> 
> > my reach has changed a lot as well
> 
> > and i have to reach a WHOLE lot further with you all the way up there...
> 
> > wonder if dragon people have a tradition of standing on a chair... or a table... when they kiss haha

He's just talking lore, but... now he's absolutely imagining them kissing.

(...yeah. This is definitely a crush.)

Still, at least he can indulge in some harmless flirting with Meta. Seems like Meta might have fun with it too. Everyone wins! And no one gets hurt!

...he can't help but pan around checking to see if there's a rock he can stand on somewhere.

(I'm getting shameless already...)

**Saeran**

Now Saeran is thinking about it too. He has to admit, the difference in heights is certainly an interesting design choice.

> > maybe the guys pick up the girls?
> 
> > they're designed to look pretty buff

It doesn't do much for the standard emotes though. Saeran tries a kiss himself, but it clear flies over head of Star.

> > Or maybe they bend down and we just don't see it lol
> 
> > too bad!

**Saeyoung**

Star shuffles a little further back from Meta and uses a cheer emote - which stretches her arms up towards Meta a little like -

> > wanna be picked up >_<

**Saeran**

There's no feasible way to actually do it, but Saeran's willing to experiment.

Hitting the crouch button, he the hits the hug emote - which, seems to work!

> > well, we're halfway there lol

**Saeyoung**

> > we did it!!! we're so cute, my heart's about to burst!!!

Well, if they're here, anyway... with Meta on his level and all...

As the hug ends, Saeyoung judges the distance, and -

Star blows another kiss, but while this time the end of her arm clips into Meta again, her lips wind up quite believably against Meta's cheek.

Saeyoung's so delighted he finds himself giggling. He's never messed around much with this stuff before, other than a few dumb guild group poses at the end of a raid.

**Saeran**

It's easy to get flustered over these displays of affection, but Saeran wants more. Can allow himself to ask for it this way, when it's all digital and meaningless... Except for the joy it gives him.

Meta blushes in response, as does he.

> > I could do this all day...

If they did… they really would look like a real, lovey-dovey couple.

**Saeyoung**

Meta’s indulging, so he can too, right? Now Saeyoung feels completely shameless, the unspoken permission to flirt making his fingertips tingle.

> > oh~?
> 
> > in that case, we should do some more emote quests too~
> 
> > we could get some cute couple ones, and do a photoshoot together!
> 
> > though I guess we should get you more equipment first, huh
> 
> > something that’ll suit that handsome face of yours…
> 
> > and match me too, of course, lolol

**Saeran**

It's almost scary how easily Saeyoung is going along with this. How easy it is for them to get along without pretence...

But Saeran's not scared off by it at all.

> > Sounds good ^^
> 
> > I'll follow your lead.

**Saeyoung**

And lead Saeyoung does, after a little more flirty goofing around.

Their quest for special machinist equipment takes them to the edge of a volcano on a special island instance, about to do battle with a powerful fire spirit. They had to team up with a few extra players to enter, but there were plenty of others doing the same quest, so the in-game matchmaking sorted it all out for them. And the other players worked with them well enough.

And thanks to completing the challenge, Meta now has a new, fancy looking set of gloves and upper body gear.

They thank the other players, who leave the instance.

Then it's just the two of them left... alone…

> > we make such a good team~

Star fans herself, then cheers again.

> > the only thing burning more than this volcano is my admiration for you, Meta-Meta~

Is this roleplay? It sounds like roleplay.

Really cheesy roleplay.

Saeyoung’s happy for Meta to take it however they want to.

**Saeran**

> > Are you sure?
> 
> > My heart feels like it's been lit on fire from your words

It's easy to get carried away when they're having a good time. Especially when Saeyoung is so receptive to playing like this.

For all Saeran disdained his brother's flirty behaviour at times, it was different when he was included. When Saeyoung was directing all his attention to him.

Saeran doesn't examine that too deeply.

> > I'll get changed now and we can take more screenshots if you want!

Any more adventure might need to wait though. It was getting late, and they weren't Yoosung.

**Saeyoung**

> > yes please!!!
> 
> > ooh, and here's the dyes that match what im using...

Saeyoung transfers the pots to their shared party inventory.

After all, they planned to match, right?

He can't believe this. How did he manage to come across someone this fun to be around?

(Spend enough years in the game, and someone was bound to show up eventually...) he considers, as Meta sorts out their new gear, dyeing the relevant items.)

To make a friend outside of the RFA... other than Tom...

...and one willing to be cute and silly with him...

His heart's fluttering.

> > should I turn around until you're done changing?

Star blushes.

It's partially a joke, but also not the worst idea. Rather than seeing gear swap around as Meta configures everything, it might be more fun to just see it all at once...

**Saeran**

> > If you want to watch... I don't mind.

Not that it means anything in this virtual world, but it's fun to tease.

Waiting for a response, Saeran keeps from changing straightaway.

**Saeyoung**

> > o... oh...???

Star blushes again, and then walks up to Meta's side, focusing on Meta again, her eyes glued to his face.

> > go ahead then~

**Saeran**

(W... Wow... He actually...)

(Why am I blushing?)

It's just a game. It’s not like Meta’s actually going to be naked, either. There's… no reason to feel so affected by it.

Saeran has Meta look back at Star while he opens his inventory and swaps out the clothes. There's nothing particularly lewd about it as it happens. Clothes just change. That’s all.

**Saeyoung**

And yet, somehow, it makes Saeyoung get a little pink again, too.

Even though it's nothing at all sexy...

Having them both make eye contact like this, just with the _idea_...

Well, Saeyoung's always had an active imagination.

When Meta's finally done, he looks much more snappy. The new gear looks stylish, and it highlights the muscle of his arms and the shape of his torso.

Not to mention how it matches Star's colour theme.

They... really do look like a couple now.

> > (>/////<)
> 
> > u look so good...!
> 
> > come down to my level so i can smooch u again ~
> 
> > i need this photo in my life!!!

**Saeran**

The praise is going to Saeran's head for some reason. He must be tired.

Obediently, he has Meta crouch down.

> > I think there's a phrase that's perfect for this situation... what is it...?
> 
> > Ah
> 
> > I dress to impress?

They do make quite the impressive sight too, with their matching outfits and complimentary looks.

The person playing Star... may be his brother, but... if they're both playing pretend, it's fine to live this romance vicariously through their characters, isn't it?

**Saeyoung**

> > hmmmm...

Star leans in, and only clips into Meta a little with her face as she kisses his cheek - it's not quite perfect enough for the photo, so Saeyoung adjusts her distance again.

> > i was already impressed by you, meta~

Star goes in for another kiss, but this time she's too far away.

> > hhhhhhhhhh i really have to put in the effort to kiss u huh
> 
> > this time for sure

Star repeats her gesture, and this time, it's just right. Her lips really look like they're pressed up against Meta's cheek, and Saeyoung gets a perfect screenshot of it too.

> > aaaaaaa omg
> 
> > that was perfect
> 
> > i got it

Then he experiments with a few other gestures, some of which do almost look like cuddles when angled the right way.

> > ah, we should do an adventurer pose thing too
> 
> > i can stand in front of you and we can both do our best poses lolol

**Saeran**

Saeran... wants copies of those photos, but there’s no easy way to ask for them without giving out some sort of additional information about himself. Be it email, or social media.

He'll have to settle for stealing the images off Saeyoung's computer later.

> > Oh, sure lol
> 
> > looks like our efforts tonight really paid off!

He does a quick kiss emote of his own, simply because he can, and he doesn't want Star to be the only affectionate one here.

**Saeyoung**

Having Meta reciprocate only makes Saeyoung bubblier.

Star cheers and smoulders and dances.

> > we did good!
> 
> > we did so good!

They wrap up shortly after, though – both starting to become incoherent with their sleepiness.

Saeyoung wishes his absent twin goodnight, as always. Curls up in bed, a pillow where Saeran used to be when they were kids. As always. But this time, he falls asleep with a small smile on his face, and he wakes with one, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, Saeran feels up to facing the zoo and the twins go out together. But things don't go smoothly, and soon Saeyoung is reaching out to his twin, tears in his eyes... stay tuned~!


	5. Butterfly kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeyoung and Saeran go to the zoo, and wind up getting more than they bargained for. Namely tears, touches, and, uh. Geese.

**Saeyoung**

A few weeks pass. Meta and Star further develop their own little world – they quest, chat and roleplay together. Doing almost everything but _actually_ enter a romantic relationship. It keeps Saeyoung in a floaty little world of constant reinforcement and easy-going companionship.

And offline, Saeran seems to be relaxing around him a little more every day. Saeyoung finds himself increasingly relying on Meta when he’s wondering how to approach Saeran about something. He always asks carefully, avoiding giving away too much personal information.

And Meta’s advice always works out so _well._ Saeran seems to respond to everything _so well._

So, they both feel ready for a more challenging outing.

Today, the twins will visit the zoo.

**Saeran**

Saeran's looking forward to it. As fun as it’s been bonding with his brother online... Offline it was starting to get a little lonely. Saeran can’t help but compare to how much further they’ve progressed in LOLOL than they have as themselves. The amount of easy-to-accept affection he receives from his brother online only highlights how much more Saeran craves it offline, too.

It’s still not enough. It’s not nearly enough.

So, the zoo is the perfect chance to try pushing through his own anxieties and Saeyoung’s guilt just a little further.

Saeran’s attitude shift is getting noticed by the RFA, too. The twins stop by Jaehee and MC's café on their way to the zoo for drinks and a chat, and both women commented happily on how _well_ Saeran looked.

Which... is fair. He's not the complete pale-as-death skeletal wreck he was when they first met.

Part of it is a new natural glow though. A small piece of his heart having healed and now shining through his skin. In the messenger, Zen made a comment about how at peace he seems lately too.

It's no surprise. Everything is working out for him far better than expected. Saeyoung's happier too, which makes life easier. And Saeran’s feelings about being a burden have reduced. Even if only a little.

**Saeyoung**

Arriving at the zoo...

Saeyoung's first impression is that it's big.

Really, really big.

So large, walking around the entire thing in a single day might be too much.

"Are there any animals you'd especially like to see, Saeran-ah?"

He taps his nose with the zoo map.

"Some of them might even have public feeding sessions we could attend..."

**Saeran**

Saeran shuffles closer to Saeyoung, the distance between them much shorter than usual, and goes as far as to tug the map from Saeyoung's hands.

"Let me see... Why don't we go towards the African displays? There'll be all sorts of animals from the other side of the world there..."

He almost sounds dreamy saying it. He’s been looking forward to the zoo trip a while now. A couple months ago, there’s no way he could have done this.

**Saeyoung**

"Aaaaahhhhh... Saeran that's perfect...! I wanna see them! The lion... the serval!!"

The sound of Saeran’s voice is just as exciting as the prospect of seeing a bunch of big cats. As is his proximity. Saeran’s eyes are so bright in the sunlight… a beautiful, lively shade of green.

It makes Saeyoung want to grin as much as the thought of seeing a real, live serval does.

Moreso, in fact. Which is really saying something. Servals are the best!

"Then..."

As Saeran has the map...

"Please, lead the way!"

**Saeran**

Seeing as Saeran has no idea what a serval is other than some type of cat, he's happy enough to lead them in that direction.

On the way, they stop to gawk at other animals in the area, like the gazelles and zebras. This part of the zoo is designed to replicate their natural environment, the smell of the soil and the foliage making Saeran feel like he really is in another place.

"The spaces for each animal are so big and well made..." Saeran observes. Glad for it. He was worried that there might be small cages, which would have spoiled his mood.

As it is, there's enough room for the zebras to gallop. They seem content.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung, for once, feels much the same.

Jaehee and MC had commented on his twin's 'glow' - but if they could see Saeran now...!

Saeyoung finds himself wanting to look at his brother as much as he does the animals.

Saeyoung tries not to be too obvious in the small glances he makes, each one filling him with bubbles of happiness.

If this is how Saeran is at zoos, they have to come again. In fact, if animals affect Saeran this much... he needs to take his twin to more places like this... the bird sanctuary... wildlife centres... the aquarium...

(...I wonder what animal is Meta's favourite...)

Before long, they reach the display Saeyoung has been waiting for.

"A-aaah! There it is!"

The living area for the servals. But, given the environment _has_ been designed to make them comfortable, there’s plenty of places for the servals to hide. Spotting then might be tricky. 

He dashes over to the elevated viewing platform, leaning over as far as he can to look down into the grass, desperate to catch a glimpse of an ear or tail.

**Saeran**

Amused, Saeran follows close behind.

"Are they your favourite?" he asks. He knows his twin likes cats, but he has no idea about the details. Nor is he aware of what animal he likes. Generally, all animals are good. Though he’s not a huge fan of things with lots of extra legs…

**Saeyoung**

"Ooohhh... I... like all big cats... but servals... I like their small faces a lot... and their long looooong steppy legs..." Saeyoung mimes walking stiffly in the air with exaggerated, outstretched arms.

He’s watched more than a few documentaries, on all kinds of animals. It was a good way to fill in time during missions, and when his hacking wasn’t enough to completely occupy his brain. Being left alone with his thoughts had never been a good thing, so he’d always been sure to have something else to fill it.

This will be the first time he’s seen a serval outside of a documentary.

At least, it would be, if he could see any.

He stares intently, breaths shallow, waiting for the smallest bit of movement…

(AAAAAAAAAA!!!)

"There!!" he whispers, reaching out to touch Saeran's side. "Along... uh..." He steps closer and points. "Down the line of my finger... in that yellow-orange stretch of grass... I think I can see one crouching..."

It’s not like he really needs to whisper. While the cats surely have good hearing, there's still plenty of chatter going on around them.

But his awe and excitement is enough to make him want to lower his voice.

**Saeran**

The touch sends a small jolt though Saeran. Usually Saeyoung's cautious about such things, but he must be forgetting himself in his excitement.

Saeran must be too, because he doesn't pull away. If anything, it makes him happier, and a smile dances along his lips as he stretches neck to check for the cats.

"Sneaky..." he murmurs when he spots it, unconsciously matching Saeyoung's tone.

**Saeyoung**

"Mmm... it’s so well-camouflaged...!" Saeyoung breathes. "I wish it would move, though... I want you to see how tall they are... they're so cute...!"

They watch a little longer, Saeyoung so absorbed he still doesn't process the fact that he's touching Saeran at all. At least, until he places both hands on the rail, leaning forwards one last time, hoping to spot one of the others.

"Ah... well... I'm just happy I got to see one..." he concludes at last. "Maybe another day they might come out and play... oh, at home, I could show you... David Cattenborough has a whole episode about them..."

They visit the tigers and the leopards too, Saeyoung vibrating with excitement when they spot two tigers gently grooming each other. He might not get to see the servals play, but there’s plenty of other big cats relaxing out in the sun.

Eventually, though, it’s time to move on to the next area.

He lets Saeran take the lead again. This time, his twin leads them to the butterfly house.

They listen to the pre-recorded instructions on how to enter the "airlock" to avoid letting butterflies escape - and how to behave to ensure they interact without harming any of them.

As the twins step through the airlock, and into the warm, humid air on the other side… the air is filled with fluttering colour.

Many are perched on feeders or leaves, but there's plenty of butterflies in transit from one place to another, in pursuit of pressing butterfly business. Some of them seem larger than Saeyoung's palm.

**Saeran**

It's brilliant. There's no other word to describe it. The plants, the colours... the gentle hush, except for the occasional giggle and whisper from other visitors...

Saeran is in awe. He wanders over to a relatively isolated part of the enclosure and watching the butterflies flutter about.

Attracted to the red of his hair, one lands on it, as if curious about whether Saeran’s a flower himself.

"Oh...!"

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung was already drinking up the perfect sight of Saeran surrounded by butterflies. Every expression of his twin’s making him feel lighter than the wings beating around him.

But then, seeing one land on his brother’s hair… its brilliant blue a stunning contrast… He feels like his heart is about to stop.

Saeran’s small gasp of delight starts it again, better than a defibrillator. A sound as light and beautiful as any butterfly.

He draws closer, each step small and cautious, not wanting to scare it off. “Saeran,” he breathes, just as in awe as he was watching the serval hide in the grass, “can I take a photo…?”

He hasn’t photographed his twin since their visit to the scenic lookout, though there have been other times he’s wanted to. But it’s still a sensitive thing, and he hasn’t wanted to push it… but this is too beautiful. It’s too gorgeous.

He has to ask.

**Saeran**

Of course, Saeran doesn't see it that way. The request is clearly due to the fact that a butterfly landing on him is so rare that it must be photo worthy.

He kind of wants the photo too...

"Sure..." he replies, trying to be quiet.

Unfortunately, it's loud enough to spook the butterfly off - but it's back soon enough. Landing on his lips instead.

Saeran goes very, very still. The sensation of the butterfly on his face ticklish and strange.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung, on the other hand, struggles not to drop his phone.

It's... Saeran is so...

He feels like he's stepped into a scene from a stained glass window. A holy vision.

(Does this mean... Saeran's lips taste sweet?)

He carefully lines up the shot.

The red of Saeran's hair... the clear green of his eyes... the blue of the butterfly.

(Beautiful…)

As he reviews the photo, the butterfly moves on, fluttering up towards a feeder near the ceiling.

Saeyoung raises his head to watch it go, then his eyes fall back to his twin.

"I can't believe a butterfly stole your first kiss..."

**Saeran**

Saeran huffs a laugh, then shrugs.

"It had to happen eventually... As far as first kisses go, I'd do it again."

It was probably the first and only kiss he'll ever have, too.

Saeran's eyes turn to the ceiling, watching as his butterfly moves to higher ground, perching on a broad, tropical leaf. One hand moves up, to rest against his heart. More butterflies dance around the two of them, some tentatively landing on Saeyoung's hair, too, before quickly taking off again.

It's a sight Saeran won't forget.

"...butterflies... start out as helpless caterpillars, only trying to survive... then they spend so long, trapped in a dark cocoon…" he murmurs, eyes wide, not wanting to miss a thing. Aware the symbolism wouldn't be lost on his twin.

Saeran wants the previous few years to truly be the last he spends in darkness.

**Saeyoung**

(...you're already more stunning than any butterfly... you're amazing...)

The thoughts pass through Saeyoung as naturally as breathing. They're just facts... facts that make his chest ache, and his heart feel squeezed in his chest.

He wants to speak up. To say, of course, your wings will unfold, they're unfolding, they just need to dry off and you'll fly...

What he does say, heart still on his earlier reaction and not quite up to speed with his brain is;

"You're already bea..."

Now, his brain catches up. And informs him – ABORT! – that his mouth-heart connection needs to be severed this instant.

Because there's no way his twin wants to hear Saeyoung say something like that. Sentiments that weren’t even half that soppy have sent his twin into a fight-or-flight response before now. He doesn’t want that to happen here. Ruining a perfectly good moment.

"Uh... oh, a swallowtail," he says instead, naming the first butterfly he can think of and turning away. Staring at a collection of butterflies on a feeder that... don't really seem to have one of those.

**Saeran**

Saeyoung had been saying something.

Something he didn't want Saeran to hear.

But it was clearly about him.

Saeran frowns. Mood souring. But he doesn't want to get into a fight here, either. Not in front of all these delicate, pretty things…

Still, he’s had enough. It’s too hot in here anyway.

"... I'm going to get fresh air."

With that announcement, Saeran makes his way back to the entrance. Every movement making him feel more choked up from humidity.

Getting outside is a blessing.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung follows along, not far behind, but somehow a crowd of school children pour in and separate them. It takes a while to carefully move through the crowd, Saeran exiting long before him. When Saeyoung steps outside, his twin is nowhere to be seen.

Fear grips him.

"...Saeran?"

**Saeran**

There’s a crowd outside, too. And enough ambient noise that Saeran doesn't hear Saeyoung’s call. He's too preoccupied finding shade and stripping off his jacket, rubbing at his neck and taking in the cool breeze.

One breath in... One out...

He's feeling better. Negative feelings melting away in face of this beautiful day.

**Saeyoung**

Shade is a good idea. What’s _not_ so good, is the way Saeran’s positioned himself, Saeyoung still can’t see his twin at all. Even after pushing his way through the immediate crowd on the path outside the butterfly house.

A real comedy of errors. But Saeyoung isn't laughing.

(It was barely a minute... he can't have gone far... unless... someone...!)

He’s been too cocky. He shouldn’t have taken Saeran to a place like this without more preparation. He should have… he should have convinced Saeran to wear that GPS, even though the idea made his twin so cranky…!

(I have to be calm.)

He’s got skills he can use for this. It’s probably fine. And even if a third party has been watching them, waiting for this moment, if he’s quick he can -!

(What if this is the last time I ever see him?!)

(What if that was the last photo I'll ever have?!)

He bites the inside of his mouth, just like he trained to do so many years ago, an association he can use to settle himself and -

But all it does is make his eyes water. Or maybe they were already watering.

"Saeran!!!"

**Saeran**

This time Saeran does hear him, sudden anxiety gripping his heart.

Saeyoung's voice...

He hates when it sounds like that.

Stepping out from the shade, Saeran looks around and calls back: "Saeyoung--?"

**Saeyoung**

At least his twin's bright hair makes him easy to spot as soon as Saeyoung hears the response.

(He's fine!! He's fine he's fine he's fine he's fine he's fine he's -)

He sprints over to his twin, wanting so much to pull him into a hug, and he nearly does, only barely stopping himself as he reaches Saeran. Instead he only allows himself to rest his fingers on his brother's forearms tugging him clo - wait, he's touching skin, wasn't Saeran wearing a jacket?

Confused and relieved and coming down from one hell of an adrenaline rush, Saeyoung blinks away at the dampness from...

... the humidity earlier...

... he can get away with that, right? If he steadies his breath.

... if Saeran thinks he was starting to cry, he'll ruin his brother's whole day.

**Saeran**

Saeyoung might try to hide it, but Saeran's seen that teary expression enough to know exactly what it means.

His stomach drops like a rock.

He knew how nervous his twin had been, taking him out in public to a large, crowded place like this for the first time since they’d reunited. Saeran pushed back against every security measure his twin had suggested, uncomfortable with being monitored in any way, even by Saeyoung. Complaining that if their father or the Agency was going to mess with them, they already would have by now. That Saeyoung was being over-protective, again. Saeran was a grown adult, not a child…

He knew Saeyoung had still memorised exits and studied the map beforehand, even though he played it casual once they arrived, trying to act like there was nothing to fear for his brother’s sake. They were just normal brothers, on a normal outing, with normal concerns. Even now, Saeyoung’s doing his best not to overwhelm him…

Everything… was for his sake.

He hates it. He hates how he’s made himself a burden again. Too selfish to even give Saeyoung the small comfort of staying in sight, when he’d refused every other precaution.

"... Sorry. I didn't mean to worry you."

**Saeyoung**

"I'm so happy to see you..." Saeyoung smiles shakily, doing his best to stop his heart from drowning out all other sounds.

He lets go of his twin, wrapping his arms around himself. "Oh... uhm. Where's your jacket?"

**Saeran**

Saeran looks back - he sure did drop it as soon as he heard Saeyoung’s shout.

"Oh... I took it off to cool down."

He's about to go get it when he looks back to Saeyoung, and is struck by how... Vulnerable his brother looks. Saeran hovers briefly, before reaching out on a whim to squeeze Saeyoung's bicep reassuringly.

"I'm not going to disappear, hyung. I... I promise."

**Saeyoung**

The look this gets from Saeyoung is...

Complex.

But his smile grows a little more relaxed.

"Thank you... and... I'll do better... so no one can separate us, either."

Mind still very much on hypothetical kidnappers. And very real school children standing between him and his twin.

He'll do better.

Just like he'll become worthy of Saeran's trust again.

The touch on his arm calms him even more than Saeran's words.

**Saeran**

Giving Saeyoung one last long look, Saeran goes to collect his jacket and dust it off, before slipping it over an arm. Not ready to put it back on yet.

"Where did you want to go next?" he asks, since he's been calling the shots so far.

It's only fair his twin gets a say.

**Saeyoung**

"Oh..."

For a minute, everything other than Saeran had been completely dumped from his brain. It takes another for him to reboot.

"I... did want to see... ah! The nocturnal house... uh... if you don't mind it... do you... mind bats and things?"

**Saeran**

"They're fine."

Nothing new when he lived in the middle of the mountains. The same went for bears and boars.

"As long as we stay clear of any... creepy crawlies."

Saeyoung knows which ones he's talking about.

**Saeyoung**

"Oh, yuck, absolutely." Saeyoung's face twists into comical disgust. "Don't worry, I’ve had my fill of cockroaches for life."

They take a short breather in the shade, Saeyoung stripping off his outer layer as well - thanks to the butterfly house and his earlier panic, he's definitely feeling the heat.

As they reach the nocturnal house and step inside, Saeyoung realises one fatal flaw in his plan...

...visibility is not so great.

(Amazing. Who would have thought.)

He  moves aside, out of the flow of foot traffic, pausing to cough and make a request of his twin. “Uhm... Saeran... would you... stay close to me, while we're in here? I'd just feel a little better if you did..."

**Saeran**

Any other time, Saeran would think his brother was being overbearing. But considering what had just happened before… Saeran's feeling reasonable. And more than that. This as an opportunity.

He can show he's matured.

So… what did Saeyoung do when he used to be scared...? It’s the only point of reference Saeran has that doesn't involve some form of abusive authority figure. Aside from fiction, anyway.

He remembers. He remembers exactly what his twin used to do, when Saeran was nervous in the dark.

His hand finds Saeyoung's. Interlocking their fingers together.

"Better?"

**Saeyoung**

"...y-yes...?"

(His hand...!)

(Saeran's hand...!)

"...thank you... uhm... then..."

He decides it’s better to just start walking before Saeran changes his mind.

"Let's go see what they have..."

He leads Saeran towards the nearest exhibit. Signs urging patrons to be quiet hang beside it, dimly lit in colours that won't disturb the animals' night vision.

The few patrons in here with them are all obeying the signs, speaking in hushed tones.

Which makes Saeyoung's heartbeat even more difficult to ignore.

He focuses on his breaths.

Holding Saeran's hand...

He doesn't know whether to laugh or cry.

He just knows he doesn't want to let it go.

"Ah... this one is... tree frogs..."

The one-way mirror into the frogs’ enclosure is small. Just wide enough for them to stand side by side, close enough that their shoulders touch. The warmth of his brother makes it difficult to focus on the frogs... though they are very cute.

He takes a moment to watch them, and calm himself down, and just... get used to… this.

**Saeran**

The sensation of his twin's hand in his own... Saeran can swear it's different from what he remembers. Their fingers still slide and fit perfectly, but... there's an electricity where the palms contact each other, and he's hyper aware of how long Saeyoung's fingers are.

This might have been a bad idea... though Saeran can't quite pinpoint why.

But, he's stubborn. He won't let his anxiety get the better of him in this situation.

He looks at the frogs, but doesn't completely see them.

**Saeyoung**

He might have been able to calm his heart a little, but his fingertips feel like they're linked directly to his lungs, every movement against his brother's hand shortening his breaths.

(Was it like this, before?)

He doesn't think so. It felt different, as children.

"Want to see the next one?" Saeyoung murmurs, keeping his voice low. Trying to keep his fingers relaxed against his brother’s, afraid the smallest hesitation or quirk will make Saeran let go.

They move along. It seems like the first few exhibits are all frogs, snakes, and small burrowing mice, but then the floor widens, to allow now for exhibits requiring more space.

"Oh... look, chinchillas... they're so round...!" Saeyoung whispers softly.

Which, while not a particularly novel observation, it’s… accurate.

The decidedly round chinchillas chew on grass pellets, holding them close to their faces with tiny, tiny paws.

They're adorable. Saeyoung can't help but smile at them.

He raises his eyes to the dimly illuminated information panel above the glass.

"Ah... apparently they're not exactly nocturnal... they're crepuscular... so they like to move around at dawn and dusk..."

They watch quietly as one chinchilla bowls another over, sending the two of them chasing each other's tails in circles for a few moments before rolling around and lying back to back. The other chinchillas ignore all this - much more interested in the food pellets in front of them.

"I can understand that... dusk and dawn both feel like times when anything could happen, right? Staying up late... or getting up early... or watching the sun set... the world feels different."

Saeran doesn't respond, still watching the accurately spherical mammals eat and roll around energetically in the dark.

(Hmm...?)

Did Saeran get used to holding hands so fast, he's already back to focusing just on the animals?

Saeyoung circles his thumb on the back of his brother's hand, quietly seeking attention. It sends goosebumps up his arm as he does it, his voice stays steady.

"Which do you like more? The dawn always feels the most special to me... I like how the lines of colour reach up into the sky... picking out the stars... but, a sunset is nice, too..."

**Saeran**

It's impossible for Saeyoung to demand any more attention than he's already getting. Saeran's very aware of how close they are, the softness of his voice, and even the faint scent of his brother’s hair.

He makes a small involuntary noise when Saeyoung rubs circles into his hand. His heart feels so full that it might burst without any relief. Saeran's bewildered that holding hands is all it takes.

A part of him wants to run away - another wants to fight.

Yet another wants to never let go.

With all these competing desires, Saeran elects the third. Though he also squeezes Saeyoung's hand perhaps a little too tightly.

"I..." he starts, realizing that all his twin wants is a response.

He was saying something about dawn and dusk...?

"... Anything can happen," he simply agrees.

Like this.

**Saeyoung**

For a moment, Saeyoung just smiles at his brother’s distracted answer, but then… a part of Saeyoung’s brain now clicks on, waving a flag that says: HEY. BUDDY. HOLD UP A SEC.

And his brain points out:

that tiny squeak you just heard.

It wasn't the same as the ones you've been hearing through the enclosure from the playing chinchillas.

That was your brother, Saeyoung.

He made that sound when you rubbed his hand, Saeyoung.

Now he goes as silent as his twin, the sound replaying in his head again, the additional context sending a burning hot line of... (what is this...) from his throat all the way down his torso to his groin.

He swallows.

It... it was cute.

It was just a cute sound. He's weak to that stuff. So of course, it would feel compelling...

He conveniently ignores the fact that it's only when he realised the sound was coming from _Saeran's_ lips that it stuck him with this bolt of emotion.

He takes a small moment to take a deep breath in, another out.  

(…we better move on.)

He’ll attempt to do the same.

There’s plenty more creatures to see, both crepuscular and nocturnal. Small foxes, even a sugar glider...

He can't say his awareness of Saeran's hand diminishes at all, his brother's proximity always capturing as much attention as the animals. But he does manage to settle into it at least, finding a rhythm with his breathing.

In fact, softly, subconsciously, their breaths align.

And the roller-coaster in his chest becomes more of a giddy merry-go-round.

He finds himself... not wanting to leave.

There'll be no reason for Saeran to hold his hand, or be this close, once they exit the nocturnal house.

(Greedy... Saeran's indulged me so much already...)

But, all the same, as they approach the last, large exhibits, he lingers.

Either side of them are bat enclosures, the bats stretching and preening themselves and their mates. Ahead of that is the exit, a long tunnel filled with lights designed to simulate to look and movement of fireflies, as a cute way for visitors to slowly readjust their eyes before stepping out into the daytime again.

It's pretty, but he doesn't want to walk through it yet... not yet...

"Ah, apparently we can touch a bat during visitor sessions... are you interested? Oh... though the next one isn't for a while... how are you doing? We could go buy a snack..."

**Saeran**

Now that he thinks of it, Saeran could use something to eat. They’ll have to fill in time to wait for the bat feeding session, anyway. So it makes sense.

Except… that means they have to leave...

(Why is that such a problem?)

They have to eventually.

"Let's get lunch." He agrees.

**Saeyoung**

"Ah, I think there was a cafe not far from here... we can check that out."

Saeyoung leads them into the firefly tunnel, the number of lights increasing the further they move through it.

As the light increases, his reasons to still hold onto his brother's hand similarly decrease. Plus, the idea that his brother could get lost while they were in a small tunnel going in only a single direction is ludicrous.

Still, he keeps his fingers intertwined with his twin's for now.

Just... until they reach the end, it’s fine, right?

"It's pretty, huh?" he murmurs, admiring the effort that must have gone into the display.

**Saeran**

The lights briefly distract Saeran from extracting his hands. They _are_ pretty, and he looks around in awe.

"Sometimes... there were fireflies up in the mountains that looked like this," he offers. One of his few happy memories, in that garden...

(...)

He can't think of that. It's too easy to get twisted up inside if he spends too much time remembering that place.

Instead, he follows the corridor to the exit. Pausing right outside the door, conscious that they're still holding hands...

Funny how he forgot about that. It started feeling so natural. And... now it's over.

Battling any regret, Saeran pulls his hand from Saeyoung's, and finally puts his jacket back on. He's cooled down at this point.

**Saeyoung**

...it was nice while it lasted.

They head to the café to order food, and watch more school groups pass by as they eat, teachers and parent volunteers herding kids of various ages to eat their packed lunches on a large stretch of lawn.

They finish eating with a lot of time left before the bat feeding, so Saeyoung suggests something else to fill the time. "I saw that they do presentations about the elephants here about this time – taking them out for a walk and everything! Wanna go see it? Oh, although, the aviary is really close by… wonder if one of the birds is gonna land on your head, too," he teases, having recovered some energy with his meal.

Would a bird steal another kiss from his twin as well?

He wouldn't put it past a cockatoo.

They're crafty.

**Saeran**

"I want to see if one poops on yours." Saeran retorts blandly. He has some pride to recover.

**Saeyoung**

"Oh! That's considered lucky, you know!" Saeyoung grins and taps the side of his nose. "I'm so touched that you've got my best interests at heart~"

**Saeran**

"Is that so..."

Just then, he hears the sound of one of the elephants.

"They really do sound like trumpets."

They wander over in the direction of the elephant noises, to see if they can catch at least part of the presentation.

**Saeyoung**

When they get there, Saeyoung is surprised to find there's nothing between them and the elephants but a low wooden fence - though this is only for the show, the elephants spending the rest of their time in a larger and more secure area.

Somehow, both of them manage to get a spot standing right against the fence. Probably thanks to the fact that all the school kids are still eating lunch.

Two elephants, accompanied by zoo keepers, walk slowly along the other side of the fence.

Saeyoung is in awe of the size of these absolute units.

**Saeran**

Saeran's equally in awe. How does a creature grow so big? Even the children are huge.

"... Do you think that a human could ride them?" he wonders, reminded of all the different creatures used as mounts in LOLOL.

It should be possible. They're definitely larger than a horse.

**Saeyoung**

"Ah, absolutely!" Saeyoung rejoins. "I'm pretty certain royalty have ridden them... in India, I think?"

Elephant lore he's only familiar with in passing.

"Dunno what the elephants think of that, though..."

Speaking of which...

One elephant now theatrically sniffs at the crowd, long snout huffing air over the first few rows.

Then it pauses, hovering near the twins for a second.

Saeyoung stares at the snout. "I swear to god if you kiss him without at least taking him on a date first, I'm gonna have a stern word to your keepers."

The snout huffs.

**Saeran**

Rolling his eyes at his twin, Saeran presents his hand for the elephant to snuffle at. Making eye contact with it as he does.

Everything about it... is so gentle. As they share a brief gaze, Saeran feels at peace. Like he's communicating with it at the most innate level.

**Saeyoung**

The snuffles are damp, leaving Saeran's hand warm. It moves up to sniff at Saeran's hair, but not before lightly touching his cheek on the way.

Saeyoung SWEARS the elephant made eye contact with him as he does it.

(What? You wanna start something?)

The thought is mostly a joke. Mostly.

But after that last sniff, the elephant moves to interact with a couple other people in the crowd, before returning to the central area as the zookeepers discuss behaviours in the wild.

Saeyoung glances at his twin out of the corner of his eye.

**Saeran**

Saeran's smiling. The elephant was charming, but there's no reason to anthropomorphise it the way Saeyoung is.

But the he senses eyes on him, and glances back over to Saeyoung.

"...Jealous?" he asks, referring to the fact he got the animal's attention and nothing more.

**Saeyoung**

Saeran's _smile_ is charming. Much more so than the brother-sniffing elephant, at least to Saeyoung.

He finds his own lips curving upwards in something gentler and lighter than the normal grin he tends to face the world with.

(...I have you. I don't need anything else.)

"Mmm... no, not really," he says softly, feeling much lighter from the exchange.

The elephant can be forgiven, when it makes his brother smile like that.

**Saeran**

The sincerity radiating from Saeyoung is sudden and takes Saeran by surprise. He blinks rapidly for a moment, and he can feel his cheeks get warmer.

Weird. What's gotten into him? Either of them.

"Ah... Alright. Did you want to head back to the bats now?"

**Saeyoung**

They can make it in good time, now that the elephant presentation is wrapping up.

They head back to the nocturnal house, having to start to the beginning again in order to reach the bats - human traffic is strictly one way through the area.

As they step back into the now familiar darkness, Saeyoung's fingers twitch.

(Ah... I shouldn't push it. He's not going anywhere, right?)

He doesn’t think he can get away with reaching out again.

"It shouldn't take us long to get back to the bats," he offers, mostly to convince himself to just get moving. Which they do.

He does spare a glance for the chinchillas as they pass by those again, though.

They're still tumbling about. And still very accurately round.

A small crowd has gathered by the bat enclosures, ready for the feeding session. The nocturnal house keepers move around inside, about to start their presentation.

The bats are surprisingly chill. The twins listen to the keepers discuss the animal's habitat and behaviour, and Saeyoung manages to be one of the volunteers picked from the crowd to offer fruit to one of the bats.

Each volunteer is given a towel to hold. The keepers explain the sensitivity of bat wings and how to ensure the bats can cling how they're most comfortable, as one is coaxed onto each towel. Not that much coaxing is required. The bats are used to this, and already keen at the scent of the nearby fruit.

Perhaps surprisingly to Saeran, or perhaps not, Saeyoung follows the instructions carefully, winding up feeding a piece of juicy peach to the bat now resting over the towel wrapped around his arm.

Its face looks like a cross between a dog and a fox. Saeyoung finds himself far more enchanted than he anticipated - he likes nocturnal creatures, but he's never been interested in bats specifically.

But, it turns out. They're sweet. And the way it gently holds onto his arm, trembling with every small sniff, delicately nibbling at the fruit... He finds himself hunching over it a little, protective.

When it finishes the fruit, and it's time to let the fruit bat climb back onto the rails designed just for them, he can't help but sigh a little.

**Saeran**

Saeran's glad that his brother has had a chance to interact with an animal, though he's surprised by how enamoured Saeyoung becomes with the bat.

"...looks like you connected."

He's almost envious, but on the other hand, Saeran won't eat out of the palm of his twin's hand. No matter how sweet the fruit.

**Saeyoung**

"...it was so small, and..."

(It completely trusted me. It wasn't afraid at all.)

Ellie would never cuddle him, but the bat climbed onto his arm without any concerns whatsoever... and was happy to be treated to the fruit.

It briefly satisfies a deeper need he doesn't have a name for.

"...it was nice. I wish you could have held one too..."

**Saeran**

...there's something almost maternal about Saeyoung right now that makes Saeran's heart stutter.

"Ah..." He looks away, towards the exit. "No. It was your turn," he finishes.

**Saeyoung**

"I bet it would have snuggled your arm even more..." Saeyoung says absently, still staring at His Bat as the keepers wrap up.

Time to go. Saeyoung raises his hand slightly, part of him thinking it makes perfect sense to take Saeran's hand again to lead him off back into the tunnel. But his hand pauses almost as soon as he begins to lift it, then he brings it to his face, instead, brushing a stray hair away.

"Ah. So. The aviary next, then?"

**Saeran**

If they were anyone else, Saeran might find this situation laughable. It’s not that he doesn’t exactly want to… not do it again. But.

"Yeah. Let's go." He says rather than voice his thoughts.

**Saeyoung**

The aviary is a mixture of wide, open spaces for a variety of birds to fly, and smaller sub-sections limited to a few different species only.

In an area that seems to be devoted to waterbirds, they're lucky enough to see baby ducklings swimming along with their parents, fluffy and peeping like tiny pipe organs.

It reminds Saeyoung of the bobokos.

He stares at them, zoning out a little, and thinking about Meta.

They've been talking basically every night for weeks now. He's spent more time chatting in the game than he has in the RFA messenger. He’s talked to Meta even more than he’s talked to Saeran, and they _live_ together.

He feels a little guilty about that last part.

**Saeran**

Little is Saeyoung aware that Saeran's thinking of the same thing. Today has been good... But nothing like when they're online together. Almost all barriers could be overcome with LOLOL.

…listen to him. Who is he. Yoosung?

Still true, though. Admiring the birds, Saeran is glad that they have plenty of space too, just like the animals in the other exhibits did.

"...I was a little afraid that they'd all be in cages," he confesses.

True, they can't fly wherever they’d like... but they're able to balance being free with being looked after and safe.

He's envious.

**Saeyoung**

"I'm glad they can live like this..." Saeyoung agrees, snapping out of his duckling-based reverie. "They can't be unhappy... listen to them singing."

And he's right - there's a lot of birdsong (and a few squawks) in the area.

He's still got bobokos on the brain, though. "You know, you can teach some of them to sing specific songs, too... or speak. Parrots are particularly good at it... they're very intelligent."

**Saeran**

It's a fact as interesting in real life as it is in a game... But unlike the game, Saeran's going to cut Saeyoung short.

"You're not getting a pet parrot."

Or bat. Or cat. For now, anyway.

**Saeyoung**

"What about if YOU got a pet parrot -"

He grins at Saeran's resulting expression.

"Okay, okay, I won't... for now, anyway. Although there's still the zoo store to consider. Maybe I'll get a talking plush. I can teach it how to say 'Good morning~' and 'I love you~'"

His eyes glint. Expression scheming. He doesn't even need to BUY a talking plush. He could easily MAKE one.

**Saeran**

"I don't want one," Saeran retorts again. Knowing very well that if Saeyoung did get some kind of twee talking plush, it’d somehow wind up at Saeran’s bedside. Every morning.

**Saeyoung**

"Oh? Okay, then..."

Saeyoung doesn't sound exactly like he's given up, more that he's shelved the thought for later.

A loud splash distracts them both from their current conversation - and an equally large amount of honking.

Maybe a fight amongst the swans further out on the lake?

"DEOKSU YOU IDIOT WE'RE GONNA GET IN TROUBLE."

"WELL YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE THROWN IT!!! MUM WILL KILL ME."

Apparently not all the school children have left for the day. One is standing on a platform over the artificial lake, the other climbing down the outside of the railing to reach out for something floating in the water below.

They look like they're about eight years old – and no guardians in sight. The climbing kid is doing a pretty great job of hanging on to the rails, but whatever it is he's reaching for is just... not... quite...

The kid over-reaches, falling into the water with a splash, much louder than the first, and with even more honking from the waterbirds nearby. The boy might be able to swim, but he seems to be panicking, scrambling at the railing but not willing to let go of the thing in the water, either.

Then, a third splash. Louder again than the first and second.

And Saeyoung's in the artifical lake, having vaulted over the barrier himself as the kid fell.

It's actually not that deep for an adult - he can _almost_ wade - but for a child, especially a panicking child, it's dangerous.

**Saeran**

Saeran's heart seizes and he rushes to the rail, watching Saeyoung jump in, heart in his throat.

But his brother seems fine, making his way over to the panicking child quickly. Though there's some unhappy looking geese looming nearby. Leaning over the rail, Saeran stretches out his hands - for Saeyoung, the child, _both_.

"Here...!"

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung scoops up the kid easily, and gives him a boost up.

As Saeran gives the child a hand the rest of the way, the geese decide enough is enough, and start to head towards Saeyoung with a look of fierce determination.

(…time to go! TIME TO GO!)

He’s faced worse, but he doesn’t really want to add ‘savaged by geese’ to everything else that happened today. He leaps up, grabbing the lowest rung of the railing – then it’s just a matter of hauling himself up the next few bars to stand on the wrong side of the rails, dripping with lake water and duckweed.

Which is about when the nearest staff member arrives. Fortunately, they're given a chance to explain themselves. Shortly after, offered a chance to use the staff showers, too.

Saeyoung definitely needs it.

**Saeran**

Trust Saeyoung to do something so kind and brave... And foolish.

Saeran makes his way to the gift shop while his twin washes. He'll need a something to wear, and Saeran might as well get some on his behalf.

When he returns to the staff area, a shamefaced chaperone who was meant to be looking after the child’s group is waiting outside the stalls for his charge, having also procured a change of clothes.

Saeran sighs, then enters the showers. Only into the changing area though, deliberately keeping his eyes away from the stalls.

"Hyung. I'm leaving you a change of clothes here."

**Saeyoung**

"Okay! Thank you!" Saeyoung calls. "I'm guessing from the lack of insults Deoksu finished changing and left, haha."

"I'm still here, idiot," the boy mutters from the other stall, "my shower's still on."

"Oh, really~?" Saeyoung responds to the boy. "I thought that was the sound of the tears my heart has been weeping after all those things you called me before."

The kid he rescued had been protesting to Saeyoung about how he still needed to get the parcel his friend threw in the water back. How could Saeyoung not have gotten it?! It was very important!! Though the zoo staff were already onto it, going back to the lake with a large net.

Saeyoung can see the complaints for what they are: Deoksu trying to hide his own embarrassment.

The shamefaced guardian urges his charge to finish up and change already, and the child sulkily complies, turning off the water and beginning to change in his stall.

Saeyoung exits the shower shortly after, a towel around his waist. Hand going to his mouth to hide a smile when he sees the clothing Saeran has left him. A shirt with a fruit bat on it. And some shorts which can only be described as "bright". Maximum tourist level achieved.

"Wow. You went all out, Saeran-ah~"

**Saeran**

Seeing his brother half naked shouldn't unnerve Saeran as much as it does. He has to drag his eyes away from how the water beads down Saeyoung's torso, shoving hands into his pockets as he does.

It's unavoidable, he tells himself. He'll always compare his body to Saeyoung's. Notice every difference. Every way it was better.

That's all it is.

"I only picked what I thought would be to your taste," he mumbles, not wanting to draw too much attention to his choices either.

**Saeyoung**

If they'd been alone, he might have been tempted to...

To what...?

He's not entirely sure. So, he leaves it.

Besides. They're not alone. Saeyoung changes quickly, lamenting the fact that he still has to wear his soggy shoes. At least the rest of him is dry.

The boy he rescued stumbles out of the shower, now dressed, and shamefacedly avoids meeting Saeyoung's eyes.

Saeyoung just smiles. "Sounds like they're gonna get your package back! I hope it dries out okay."

"...mum's gonna kill me," the boy mutters, "no way it's not damaged now..."

Saeyoung bends down, at the kid's eye-level. "Kill you? That's illegal, you know."

He means it as a joke, and it seems to work, the kid unable to hold back a snort.

"...she'll be mad," the boy clarifies, now looking up a little.

Saeyoung grins. "I'm sure she'll be happier to know you're okay. Stuff can be replaced - unless it was the secret to eternal youth? Perpetual motion?!"

"N...no... just... school stuff..."

"Well, you should be fine, then. I bet she'll be more mad at your teachers than you."

This brightens the kid further. "You think?"

The kid's guardian is definitely shrinking right now.

"Yup! So don't worry too much." And with that, Saeyoung stands, and rejoins his twin.

**Saeran**

Saeran watches the kid and guardian go, before making any comments himself.

"...You never know. Maybe he does have a mother that'd kill him."

Appearances can be deceiving.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung sighs. And slumps a little.

"Maybe."

He turns his head, not quite looking at his twin.

"But that isn't the feeling I got. Still, if you're worried, I can hack his school network and look into it."

Not that Saeran doesn’t have the skill to do it too, but the last thing he wants is his twin going back to stuff he used to do in the cult.

**Saeran**

Saeran can hardly ignore how what the boy said could have been something from their own childhood.

Except he doesn't... want Saeyoung to face it if he doesn't have to. Doesn't want him to hack on command, especially for Saeran's sake.

"...Only if you want to."

**Saeyoung**

"Mmm. I'll find out. I already have the info I need."

Saeyoung forces his voice to a lighter tone.

"How are you doing? Are you holding up okay?"

**Saeran**

Aside from the heart attack Saeyoung gave him... Saeran's perfectly fine. It's getting late though.

"I'm ready to go home..." he confesses.

After a pause, Saeran adds: "I'm glad you and the child weren't hurt."

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung nods. "Me too. Don't worry though. I'm not gonna do anything that could stop me from returning to you." He stretches, wincing as the change in his balance makes his shoes squelch. "Let's go home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter, Saeran's curiosity gets the better of him, and he sees something he shouldn't have.
> 
> It's enough to make him reconsider everything he's done up until now.


	6. A place we (cannot) be together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saeran sees something shocking, and it makes him completely rethink everything he's done as Meta to date.
> 
> But even as Saeran reconsiders his plans, Saeyoung is only crushing harder on his online friend.
> 
> Just a heads up, this chapter contains a brief masturbation scene, though I don't think it's explicit enough to really count as smut? Anyway. Just so you're aware, this chapter is slightly more NSFW than the previous five!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, I got to do an Evangelion parody title. Y...yay?

**Saeran**

After the zoo, Saeran is utterly wiped. Ultimately, it was a good day, but he’s glad they didn’t try anything on this scale before now.

Even just sitting in the car makes him feel exactly how drained he is.

Maybe... he'll have a nap before dinner...

**Saeyoung**

While Saeran heads off for a nap, Saeyoung descends the stairs to his ex-hacking-room.

It’s very much still a functional hacking room, just… mostly unused, these days. The reminder of those years without his brother has Saeyoung listlessly chewing on a nail as he starts up the still-familiar sequence of utilities he’ll need to investigate the Deoksu’s home situation.

Part of him would love to see this room totally trashed. Maybe turned into a ball pit.

But he can never shake the feeling it might one day be needed again. Like right now.

At least it serves as a useful storage place now, too. While still a hacking room, it’s now a Many Other Things room. Mostly a dumping ground for half-finished projects.

Breaking into the servers for Deoksu's school is barely worth him even doing himself - he could have just let some automated tools of his own design do most of the work for him. But the personal touch seems appropriate.

This is for Saeran, after all.

Several more breaches of privacy later, Saeyoung’s satisfied. The kid is fine. If anything, he’s _spoiled._

He shuts things down and heads back to his room, wiped. Pinging off a couple texts on a spare phone (given the other is thoroughly duck-ponded) to Saeran to let him know everything’s okay.

> > looked into the kid and his family
> 
> > thoroughly
> 
> > there's nothing to worry about there. so rest easy.

As soon as the texts are sent, he falls backwards onto his bed, arms splayed dramatically.

(...these new clothes itch.) The kind that really need to be washed before being worn. He strips off, throwing the clothes into a pile by the bed, getting a whiff of lake water.

(Ugh.)

A second shower is most definitely in his near future.

But first, a moment of peace…

He shifts onto his back, staring up at the ceiling from his bed... then hits the lights, so he can star at his glowing stars instead. Glasses placed on his bedside table.

(…so much happened today)

Bathed in the faint green glow of the stars... he’s reminded of the nocturnal house.

And the circle he'd gently traced on the back of his twin's hand.

(...ah, and…)

That small, soft, sound Saeran had made...

Even just remembering sends that same bolt of lightning from his throat to his...

Maybe.

Maybe he'd feel better after an orgasm.

Work out the tension of the day. Then he can shower, and get started on dinner.

Easy.

In this dim light, he feels like he’s wrapped in forgiving darkness.  It’s fine… to seek comfort like this.

He lets one of his hands slowly stroke down his thigh. It’s _the_ hand… the one that had been entwined with his brother’s just a few hours ago...

At first, he just strokes himself idly, cock hardening against his practised movements.

Already, he can feel the frustrations of the day all moving to this one, specific place.

(...lube.)

He stops a minute to fumble with the bottle in his bedside drawer. He doesn't need much. Just enough to...

"Mmn…ah..."

He silences himself straight away, but the additional slickness now coating his dick is a relief. Much needed to supplement the small amount of spit and pre-cum he'd been using up to now.

His lips part softly and he presses the back of his head into the pillow, his hips rising up towards his hand.

(Yes... god, yes... touch me...)

The thoughts are attached to nothing in particular, other than a longing to be held, caressed, loved, kissed...

...fucked.

"Please..." he breathes, the words barely audible even in the silence of his room, bar the hum of his gaming computer's fans.

**Saeran**

Having immediately fallen into bed, Saeran's dozing is interrupted by Saeyoung’s texts.

"He didn't have to do that..." Saeran mutters into his pillow, dropping the phone back to the bed. Though he can’t deny he’s a little relieved to have that nagging doubt removed.

He sighs heavily. It was a kindness from his brother. But, like most of Saeyoung’s kindness, something that made things feel too unbalanced again.

Saeran can still remember how his twin looked with the bat... (That's the type of person he is. He enjoys looking after... weak things.)

Saeran doesn't want to be looked after any more. At least, not to that extent. He knows a part of him still wants that kind of care, but he's spent too long under someone else's thumb to accept it easily now. The birds in the aviary... Or the butterflies... They had the kind of life he'd prefer. Fed and warm and cared for, but left to their own devices, with no other expectations.

Saeyoung tried, but there was always the sense he wanted more.

(…)

Sleep… wasn't happening. Saeran's brain going in circles, obsessing and reassessing.

Mind returning again and again to Saeyoung going out of his way for his brother’s sake, despite looking so tired.

Saeran’s tired too, but right now, he’s even more tired of feeling useless. He needs to do something. Maybe... maybe dinner? Saeyoung probably hasn’t started it yet.

The task will get Saeran’s mind off other things as well.

Getting up, Saeran changes into comfier clothing, and heads out to find Saeyoung. Intending to check on what his twin wants to eat.

As he leaves his room, he notices his brother’s door is left slightly ajar, though the lights are off. Maybe Saeyoung is in the loungeroom…?

Before he moves on, though, a sound stops him.

It's faint. Barely audible. Saeran has to strain his ears, catching something else. Something new.

"Please..."

(...?)

What _is_ Saeyoung doing in there, talking to himself? Curiosity gets the better of Saeran. He'll apologize for intruding if he gets caught.

Gently, he pushes the door open just a _tiny_ bit further, just enough to peek inside…

And gets way more than he bargained for.

For a second, Saeran is frozen on the spot. Unable to tear his eyes away, despite his brain screaming at him to do something. _Anything._

Run away.

Slam the door.

Go in and --

( _What_ was I just _thinking_? Saeran, get a grip!)

Forcing himself to move, Saeran silently backs away. Forces himself to walk down the hall. The floor creeks under a footstep, and Saeran blanches - but he doesn't stop until he reaches the kitchen.

**Saeyoung**

The slight increase in light from his door goes unnoticed, Saeyoung’s eyes tightly shut as he imagines hands on his body and lips on his mouth.

Though his soft gasps for breath increase, as he feels his hand, his hand, his hand...

...no, _his_ hand...

The thought intrudes on Saeyoung much like his brother had, and he -

(Huh?)

\- hears a creak.

His brother must be moving around outside...

Saeran...

(Saeran?!)

(Saeran!!)

(Aaah!!)

The cum hits his chest before his brain even registers the orgasm, body, mind and senses a tangled, tired mess. He shudders, the muscle of his thighs tensing completely, forcing his hips higher off the bed, as he covers himself in another urgent, uncontrolled spurt of semen.

The tension drops off, and he lets his hips fall back to the bed, mouth hanging open after his gasps for breath.

(...god , I really needed that...)

In fact, maybe he should give himself another half hour or so and go again before he showers, because he can still feel more wound up inside -

he opens his eyes.

The room is... a little brighter than before.

His door is... slightly more ajar.

He remembers that creak just before he -

no way.

No way, right?

He starts to feel a little dirty, but not in a fun way.

Saeran hadn't, right?

Not... not that it's anything to be ashamed of... it's just awkward, is all.

It's not like he had been saying anything weird while doing it, although...

Right before he came, didn’t he think about…?

...he _really_ needs that shower.

Needs to wash everything away...

He flicks the lights back on, and after a quick bit of damage control with tissues, changes into comfy, loose clothes, heading to the shower.

**Saeran**

Meanwhile, Saeran is trying very hard not to think of his brother masturbating. Of seeing him earlier today in only a towel. Tries to ignore how the images combine in his head and etch into every molecule of his brain.

Instead, he tries to think of dinner. Anything he cooks Saeyoung will surely eat, so why did he even try asking in the first place...? Consideration wasn't necessary. So why--

No. Not thinking about that.

Dinner.

Saeran stares into the fridge, trying to match foods together into something edible. After an eternity of staring into the chilled air, he decides to defrost some fish and make rice and a salad. Simple. Doesn't require too much thought.

He has enough going on in his head already.

**Saeyoung**

Meanwhile, Saeyoung's thoughts go down the drain along with the shower water, not to mention the last lingering scents of _eau du pond_.

(An essential spring fragrance… mossy undertones with rich, duck poop high notes) he jokes to himself, very much enjoying the familiar scent of his ginger and lime bodywash filling his senses instead. He even washes it through his hair rather than use normal shampoo, just to feel completely cleansed of all waterfowl-soup scents.

The warm water relaxes his mind as well as his muscles. Saeran's never once shown any interest in entering his room. Why would he start today? He might have been walking around, but Saeyoung has nothing to worry about.

Satisfied, he changes back into his black singlet and comfy pants, and heads to the kitchen to work out what to make for dinner. Hair slicked flat against his scalp, still slightly dripping with water.

**Saeran**

The salad is done by the time Saeyoung arrives, and Saeran's moving onto the fish. The rice has a few more minutes in its cooker.

As soon as his twin enters the room, Saeran senses it. Involuntarily tensing up. Words a jumbled mess in his mouth.

So he says nothing. Just focuses on making dinner.

**Saeyoung**

Saeran keeping to himself is not unusual behaviour, though his brother cooking after what must have been a draining day leaves Saeyoung a little surprised.

"Ah," he starts, gratitude colouring his tone. "I was just gonna get started... thanks!"

Really, though... he should at least help.

He joins Saeran by the stove. "Looks like you've got it sorted, but... anything you want me to do?"

**Saeran**

Inhale. Exhale.

The food smells delicious. Focus on that. Not your brother, right next to you, who smells like ginger.

Who you saw in one of his most private moments.

Stop. Replaying. Those moments.

"I'm handling it," he manages to say, firmly. Both to himself and Saeyoung.

**Saeyoung**

"Mm, okay," Saeyoung agrees easily enough. "I'm happy to flake out, then... but, I'm always happy to give you a hand~"

With that, he heads to the living room couch to sprawl and chat on the messenger... He can join Saeran when the food’s done.

Oh... his phone... did the photo he took of Saeran synch to the cloud before it got trashed with pond juice? He quickly brings up a custom app he uses to synch his photos to his home server, relieved to see the photo of Saeran and the butterfly made it there safely.

**Saeran**

Meanwhile, Saeran is finishing up dinner. Doing his best not to think of Saeyoung's final comment. Shoving away ideas about 'hands' to the back of his mind.

Coming out with a plate for them both, Saeran's quiet as he eats.

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung is content to eat in silence.

Though, as they wrap up.

"Oh, I can do the dishes, since you did all the cooking..."

He stands, collecting the plates and heading off into the kitchen.

**Saeran**

Saeyoung's already moving before Saeran can protest. Trust his twin to do that.

So, now what? He’s still…

He’s still thinking about _that._

Maybe... Playing LOLOL will help. He heads to his room. This time he isn't logging in as part of his grand plan, but just for simple escapism.

Because right now, Saeran really needs to be someone else, in another place.

**Saeyoung**

Finishing up the dishes, Saeyoung heads back to his room not long after.

Logging on to LOLOL is practically a post-dinner reflex at this point. So he does. Choosing Star out of his possible characters, as he has consistently now every night since he befriended Meta.

Speaking of Meta… he's relieved to they’re already online when he logs on. Otherwise he might have been tempted to stay up until Meta showed. He _is_ tired, so it’ll probably be a short session tonight, but it’s always just so much _better_ when they play together.  

> > Meta-Meta~
> 
> > u have no idea how happy I am to see u haha
> 
> > my day was crazy lol
> 
> > how r u~?

**Saeran**

It takes Saeran a moment to respond, because...

Firstly, he's conflicted about interacting with Saeyoung now of all times.

And, secondly: seeing someone say they're glad to see you and that their day was crazy... When that day was with _you_...

It's tempting to be cruel. Lash out in response to Saeyoung's statement made in total innocence.

It's just as tempting to ignore him.

But all that might make Saeyoung suspicious. Throwing away all the hard work Saeran’s done up to now.

So Saeran refrains, writing out a brief (and a bit cold) response.

> > Oh
> 
> > crazy how?

**Saeyoung**

The coldness doesn’t really register with Saeyoung, although the response _is_ a little unenthusiastic for Meta. But, they might just be busy. It doesn't give Saeyoung pause. He's so desperate to chat.

> > ahhhhhhhhhhh well
> 
> > it was a good day overall but
> 
> > my phone got destroyed T_T
> 
> > and I nearly got bitten by geese
> 
> > but the most shocking thing
> 
> > a winged beast stole my other half's first kiss!!!
> 
> > so
> 
> > it was an emotional day lol

Worth it, though

> > but thank goodness
> 
> > I took this wonderful photo, and I was afraid it might have been lost with my phone… but it’s fine!
> 
> > always synch your precious photos to the cloud Meta!!
> 
> > otherwise, if ur device is stolen or broken
> 
> > u could lose pictures of your most important moments
> 
> > sometimes that's all u have
> 
> > so be careful, OK? ^^

He realises he’s been monologuing without a response again. Time to reign himself in.

> > but, u didn't say
> 
> > how r u?
> 
> > if ur busy rn I won't bother u!!

**Saeran**

By the time Saeyoung's finished monologuing, Saeran's feeling a little warmer towards him.

(Was that all...?)

Though it worries Saeran that his twin would say that photos are all he has sometimes... But...

(I suppose he's speaking from experience.)

In game, he's not actually that busy. He’s just undertaken a blacksmith job quest, crafting armours in the most mindless and repetitive way possible.

It's better than having other repetitive movements and mindful things circling in his head.

> > winged beast lol
> 
> > sounds like a one of a kind occurrence
> 
> > maybe they're glad for it!
> 
> > with humans you're usually disappointed haha

Certainly, it was an experience Saeran was unlikely to forget. Undeniably special.

And besides. There’s no humans he can think of he wants to kiss.

None at all.

Without a doubt.

> > anyway... im glad you and your photos survived
> 
> > and I'm okay. Just have some things on my mind.
> 
> > I actually came on to de-stress a little;;;
> 
> > is this what you call "raging"...?

**Saeyoung**

> > haha, u really r learning the lingo lol
> 
> > ur even starting to type more like me lolol
> 
> > sounds like a good plan ^^

Saeyoung stretches out his legs under the desk, and pats at his wet hair, before wiping the dampness off on his singlet.

He doesn’t have to quest or level or craft tonight. Talking to Meta just like this is fine, too. And it sounds like they could use a friend…

> > if I can help in any way...
> 
> > even if u just want to bounce ur thoughts off someone
> 
> > u seem down on humans today, but
> 
> > I consider u a friend...
> 
> > if I can help
> 
> > I’ll lend u my ears and my starriest energies~

**Saeran**

Was it being down, when it was a fact that most humans were unpleasant...?

His brother really was the positive one.

> > Honestly the more time I spend on here the worse my spelling and grammar gets
> 
> > I never used to be this bad!

He used to look down on those who couldn't manage the effort to type things properly. Ever the perfectionist.

He's loosened up.

Living with Saeyoung, and talking with him like this... It makes Saeran aware how much he's changed, little by little.

> > But thank you! I'm grateful.
> 
> > It's so nice you consider me a friend.

Unfortunately, Saeran can't say if that's really true outside of his 'MetaEnigma' persona. Which is all the more reason to cherish what he has online.

And weren't friends meant to confide in one another...?

> > I don't know how to start.
> 
> > Something happened which really shocked me.
> 
> > I'm trying to forget about it, but that's harder than you'd think.

**Saeyoung**

> > ah, I can relate...
> 
> > there are things I've seen, that I'll never forget, even if I wanted to
> 
> > u don't even have the photo, but your brain keeps one for you, anyway
> 
> > I'm sorry u had to experience such a thing T_T
> 
> > when I'm feeling painful, I try to smile harder
> 
> > but...
> 
> > actually, that might not be the best reaction
> 
> > depending on what the pain is
> 
> > some wounds can be bandaged... others u have to drain...
> 
> > ah
> 
> > sorry
> 
> > that was a bit gross

Saeyoung wonders if its possible to help more. Talking might be all Meta needs, but if it’s something really shocking, he should encourage Meta to see a professional...

> > if it really hurt u...
> 
> > I know some places u can go for help, if u need them

**Saeran**

Hurt? Saeran knows hurt. That wasn't it. What he saw didn’t… hurt. He wouldn't say he was mentally scarred by the event either.

Only... shocked. Confused. That's all.

> > Oh! It wasn't that kind of situation.
> 
> > No need to be that concerned.
> 
> > I'm sorry to hear you've been through pain though...

Which was true. Once Saeran was open to Saeyoung's view of events, he could acknowledge that he didn't deserve most of the blame for what happened. That Saeyoung had been through hardship, thinking he was doing the right thing.

Not that it didn’t still hurt. Saeyoung had still abandoned him. Put other people’s advice above what Saeran wanted.

But… it was understandable, if not entirely forgivable.

> > All that happened is...
> 
> > ...
> 
> > I guess you could say it changed how I see someone
> 
> > And that confuses me.

And because he knows he's being vague, and a part of him can't help himself:

> > I don't want to give too much away... you never know.
> 
> > You might know them!
> 
> > And it was a private moment.

Saeran chuckles. Waving his identity under his brother's nose... it's fun.

> > Anyway
> 
> > I know what you mean by pain.
> 
> > I actually really liked your metaphor
> 
> > That's almost exactly how it feels.
> 
> Having been injured more times than he can count, Saeran thinks the analogy is entirely apt.

**Saeyoung**

> > ahh...
> 
> > well...
> 
> > I can't say I'm not curious, but of course, I'll respect ur privacy ^^
> 
> > I hope, if it’s an important person to u, that it eventually leads to better understanding and a deeper relationship!

It's... well.

It's what Saeyoung wants for himself, after his own shocks, more than anything.

> > though maybe that's me putting my own life and desires onto your situation
> 
> > I, too...

He stops, staring at the screen.

> > ah. it's not the same.

**Saeran**

Likely not. Saeran is curious to what Saeyoung's getting at though.

> > Why's that?

... though perhaps he should give a little more before prying to deeply.

> > Also...
> 
> > Maybe it's bad to say to say this
> 
> > I know it’s only been a bit over a month since we started talking here

Emphasis on the _here_ in Saeran’s head.

> > But… you're actually the most important person in my life, Star.

He might not be able to say it offline, but Saeran feels part of his own tension fall from his shoulders getting to be truthful, here. And he means it. Both here, and in the world where they’re brothers.

**Saeyoung**

"...ah?"

Saeyoung’s mouth is literally hanging open.

(Were those times... where we’ve flirted)

Did Meta… like him? _Really_ like him?

Not that being someone’s… most important person… means romance… of course…

But… he wants to know. It’s too tantalising to just leave it like this.

> > m-meta...
> 
> > I like you a lot, too...
> 
> > but...
> 
> > um
> 
> > how do I put this
> 
> > I don't want to misunderstand what u just said
> 
> > when u say that
> 
> > what do u mean?

Although, what if he _has_ got the wrong idea, and now Meta’s going to be embarrassed for being so sweetly honest about their platonic affection.

> >... sorry to press u so hard
> 
> > u don't have to elaborate if u don't want to...

**Saeran**

Saeran wasn't entirely expecting Saeyoung to go down the romantic track just because of this one thing. He figured he’d need to flirt much harder before he’d catch Saeyoung’s attention properly.

Strangely, all he did... was talk to Saeyoung how he wished he could in real life, so far. Actual, well-thought-out, targeted flirting was scheduled for later down the track.

Curious. It's very curious indeed. Saeran can't help but be intrigued.

Now how to respond... would backing off be safer?

His brother seems to enjoy a chase, after all.

> > Oh, don't worry. You can forget what I said.
> 
> > I know that you have your one and only.

**Saeyoung**

It’s a good point. Saeyoung does struggle to imagine himself in a relationship, when his heart was already devoted to his brother.

Obviously, it's different, in that with Saeran it's not romantic.

Obviously.

But he’s not sure he has the _time_ to devote himself romantically to someone else. At least, not at this point in his life. Maybe in a few years? But Saeran would always come first. And he doesn’t like the idea of introducing someone into their lives that might make his twin uncomfortable, either. Bringing a stranger into their home might well do that.

Kisses and sex and sweet words and touches… all sound nice, but.

In the end Saeyoung has his priorities. And Saeran is at the top.

> > Yes... my one and only... the person I wrote the song for…
> 
> > They’re my most important person.
> 
> > That’s a fact that will never change.

Although…

In a similar way to his twin, Saeyoung begins to consider how dating Meta would, in many ways, would be a perfect fit for how his life works…

An online relationship, that only happened at night... when he wasn’t interacting with Saeran, anyway.

But, no person would want such a thing, right? No one would really want to know they were their romantic partner’s _second_ priority, right? And they’d want to take it offline, too. Which Saeyoung just can’t imagine working, at least not right now.

He doesn't want to hurt Meta.

So, it's best to be honest, when Meta is being brave and telling him their feelings.

> > u've been honest with me, so I should explain...
> 
> > I'm talking about my sibling... that's who my most important person is
> 
> > I want them to have their privacy, so I'd prefer to leave details about them out
> 
> > But…. yeah… they’re more important to me than anything.
> 
> > So much that it feels like they’re reason why I was born...
> 
> > I love them with all my heart, although, I’ve… well…
> 
> > but I've not been very good at... being a good sibling myself
> 
> > I messed up a lot, and they paid for it
> 
> > but im doing my best now to be better, for them
> 
> > and its more important to me than anything else.
> 
> > just… so you understand
> 
> > but, that situation is a little different
> 
> > to the kind of feeling I was asking u about
> 
> > but that's okay
> 
> > u can leave it there!
> 
> > I truly treasure being told what u told me
> 
> > and I do... like u a lot
> 
> > you’re important to me too!!

**Saeran**

It's nothing Saeran didn't know already. That said, for some reason, he can't stop smiling.

(Why... does seeing him type all that to a stranger make me so happy?)

He's heard it all before.

(Ah... I need to... I need to focus…) He breathes in, trying to clear the giddy feeling in his head enough to write a reply. The only saving grace he has is that it's totally normal for Meta to go a little silent at points like this. Well-used to Star’s monologues.

> > They mean that much to you...
> 
> > I'm actually happy to hear you explain it!

(.... am I taking this too well? Should I tone it down?)

> > Sorry if I made things awkward. Then, next is...

Next...

It won't be a lie. He's merely confessing as honestly as he can.

> > As for my feelings...
> 
> > I like our relationship here
> 
> > It’s okay if you aren’t interested in more than what we do now
> 
> > If you want to keep it like it is now, that's fine!

It's a risk, and impulsive, and entirely driven by the high of Saeyoung's own confession.

**Saeyoung**

…Meta’s implying they’d be open to more, though. Right?

(Or… am I reading into what they said?)

> >...then, let's continue to talk, and learn about each other
> 
> > I really look forward to seeing u, every day...
> 
> > this last month with u has been so much fun

Ah… but he was going to tell Meta about his own shock, before. Maybe it’d make sense to bring it up now… it does illustrate what he’s thinking about, anyway.

> > So…
> 
> > I, also... had a shock today.
> 
> > I still feel a little messed up about it, myself
> 
> > So I’m worried I’m going to say something weird to u too, tbh…
> 
> > It was only a minute, but today, I thought I'd lost my sibling...
> 
> > and I fell apart so fast...
> 
> > but unlike ur experience, it made me realise something about me,
> 
> > rather than the other person
> 
> > these feelings I have...
> 
> > I have to be careful not to let them influence my actions
> 
> > towards… either of you…

It’s… getting even more personal now, but Saeyoung finds himself completely unable to stop.

Confessing all this to Meta… it almost feels like a compulsion.

> > when I found my sibling again…
> 
> > I wanted to cling to them,
> 
> > stroke their hair,
> 
> > tell them how scared I'd been,
> 
> > hold them close...
> 
> > but that would only have hurt them...
> 
> > it would have been a burden to them...
> 
> > so I had to remind myself that just because I feel something…
> 
> > it doesn’t mean its in the other person’s best interest for me to act on it…
> 
> > so, I guess what I'm saying is
> 
> > I don't want to hurt u, either
> 
> > or become a burden to u
> 
> > I have to be very careful
> 
> > and you should also
> 
> > be careful of me
> 
> > I do kind of have a history
> 
> > of disappointing everyone who comes to like me
> 
> > haha…
> 
> > please
> 
> > be careful of anyone you speak to online...
> 
> > now that I think about it
> 
> > or u might be hurt, Meta...
> 
> > you’re… a good person

He wipes at his eyes.

(Why are my eyes watering?)

(Why does my chest feel so...?)

**Saeran**

Saeyoung's words are so heartfelt, all Saeran can do is stare at them. Read each letter over and over.

Little does his brother know... he should take his own advice.

Earlier Saeran's mood was high, but now it's immediately crashing. His reply is both as Meta and himself, unable to separate either at this moment.

> > Don't... don't say that!
> 
> > I...
> 
> > won't say you'll never hurt me.
> 
> > Or that I'll never hurt you.
> 
> > I know the world isn't that perfect.

(All too well.) One day, Saeyoung might feel betrayed by what he's doing now. _Really_ betrayed.

How has Saeran never seen that before?

Yet he can't help but hope - of all things, _hope_ \- that what he’s doing will ultimately help them both.

> > but I also know... it's bad to make assumptions
> 
> > you shouldn’t assume your feelings won’t be accepted
> 
> > maybe you should have asked your sibling.
> 
> > you care about them, so…
> 
> > you should trust them more...
> 
> > I've learned that the hard way.
> 
> > And you can't earn trust without giving any.

Seized with desperation, Saeran doesn't notice his own tears.

> > That's what I think.
> 
> > And all I want... is to spend time with you.
> 
> > As much as I can
> 
> > I want to be close to you

Again, none of it is a lie. It may be misconstrued, or manipulative, but it isn't false. So why does Saeran still feel so bad for saying it?

> > ...sorry. I'm so sorry.
> 
> > I'm not a good person.
> 
> > I'm a hypocrite.
> 
> > I get so scared...
> 
> > And I don’t take my own advice
> 
> > So if this is ever too much for you, I can go.

That's... a fair compromise, isn't it? Giving Saeyoung an out?

> > I guess I got caught up in a fantasy.

**Saeyoung**

_You shouldn’t assume your feelings won’t be accepted…_

Everything Meta is saying is sending off so many different bursts of feeling in Saeyoung’s chest, he doesn’t know which to examine first.

> > Meta... I'm coming to you, okay, stay there...
> 
> > I'm sorry... I feel like I've already done it, now.
> 
> > Hurt you, I mean.

He's been using the friend locator since Meta started to spiral, traveling as fast as he can to their location.

> > please don't log off...
> 
> > I want to be close to u too

There.

It seems like Meta had been crafting something, but they’re now completely still, the player behind them doing nothing but talking to Star…

Saeyoung equips the accessory closest to what he wants  to do, and...

Star's joins Meta's side, then sweeps them off their feet, dipping them low.

The vampire fangs, again.

> > it's not quite the hug I want to give u
> 
> > but this is the best I can do
> 
> > and I care about u, meta
> 
> > I want to know u
> 
> > and im as much a hypocrite
> 
> > so, please... im sorry, I was too harsh just then
> 
> > I don't want to lose u
> 
> > or push you away
> 
> > or make you feel
> 
> > like I don’t care

**Saeran**

Honestly, Saeran's stunned. His brother has literally swooped in and swept him off his feet, rather than get turned off at his over-emotional monologue.

It's... this is the sort of thing he wanted, right?

Is it okay to hope that it will turn out okay after all? Can his fantasy truly become reality?

Or will he circle back to this problem again and again?

Everything… points to the fact that it's better just to end it now, before it gets worse. Before things get deeper. With the potential to hurt Saeyoung so, so much more if he ever finds out.

Saeyoung… was right, the first time.

So why is Saeran so frantic to keep this charade going?

(It's because I...)

Yes.

It’s because…

He **loves** Saeyoung.

His brother is more important to him than anything else. Always has been.

But when it comes to this love… how far does it go?

Because Saeran is starting to suspect he'll go as far as he can. Until he's satisfied.

And that scares him, as much as letting himself trust Saeyoung again does.

> > You… were right the first time.

He finally types, having gone silent.

> > I let my emotions get the better of me.
> 
> > it was selfish.
> 
> > You have every right to push me away and reject me,
> 
> > I just reacted badly to it.

Should he say anything else?

Log off, never to log in again?

Saeran feels so lost, confronted with so much about himself and his own behaviour and feelings.

So he types nothing more.

**Saeyoung**

Star crosses her arms in front of her and shakes her head, 'no'.

> > I told u before, right?
> 
> > we all need that outside perspective
> 
> > u've... already helped me so much with yours
> 
> > let me help u too
> 
> > let me listen to u, too
> 
> > perfection is a trap
> 
> > that will ensnare everyone
> 
> > if u were perfect, u'd never have been able to understand me like u do
> 
> > so...

So…?

Saeyoung… wants to try.

He doesn’t quite understand why everything Meta has said has cut right through him, like his heart’s armour was completely unequipped. But it has. It does.

And… he’s been crushing on them a little for a while.

And this… this could… this could work.

Meta had told him to trust, and be honest, and reach out when it came to Saeran.

And… they absolutely deserve the same thing. No matter what they say, Saeyoung can’t escape how good Meta makes him feel. How much he wants to keep them in his life.

And if… a relationship like this could really work…?

Shouldn’t they at least try?

> > won't u sleep on it... and.
> 
> > tomorrow
> 
> > tell me again, tomorrow
> 
> > or the next day
> 
> > next week
> 
> > next year
> 
> > that u like me
> 
> > if u still feel that way then
> 
> > then, listen to me, too...
> 
> > when I say I like u
> 
> > I don't care who you are on the other side of that screen
> 
> > u make me smile
> 
> > I look forward to seeing u every day
> 
> >... so please, think about it

Star smiles.

> >... and, I'm going to take your advice tonight, too...
> 
> > because
> 
> > u were right...
> 
> > and ur advice with my sibling makes sense for u, too, meta…

**Saeran**

The background music of the game drowns out for Saeran as his heart thuds in his ears.

That... that was... _that_ was...

There's no mistaking it.

Taking a shaky breath, Saeran tries not to react right away. To sleep on it, take his time, like Saeyoung suggests. (For all our imperfection... that was the perfect confession though.)

Carefully, he types out his response.

> > Sometimes I feel like I can only be my real self in here.
> 
> > Rather than out there.
> 
> > But I also wouldn't be playing this game if it wasn't for you...
> 
> > It's complicated.
> 
> > I'll sleep on it. You should too.
> 
> > I hope everything goes well with your sibling.

All other plans he had for playing forgotten tonight, Saeran takes the opportunity to log out and rub at his face. More drained that ever.

(Ah. I've been crying.)

It should be a surprise, but instead Saeran only feels resigned.

**Saeyoung**

He logs off, as well.

Regardless of what decision Meta comes to, tomorrow morning, he’s going to take Meta’s advice to heart now.

He should tell Saeran how he felt today. How he _feels._

Maybe… this is finally the right time. And they can become closer again.

And he should do it now, when the memory of their day is still fresh...

He takes a moment to centre himself and wipe at his face.

(...it has to be now. Before I chicken out.)

He pads out softly to the hallway, then to Saeran's door.

The light's still on. Good.

"Saeran....?" he calls, tapping only lightly, trying to avoid startling his twin.

"Please... I know its late... but... can I...?"

He breathes in, shakily.

"Can I come in? Please?"

**Saeran**

(Wait. When Saeyoung meant tonight... he meant _tonight_ tonight? Not tomorrow?)

(Now?!)

Saeran can hardly believe it. It's too much.

Maybe Saeran can just ignore him?

(Coward. He came to see you on _your_ advice.)

Saeran steels himself, being sure to turn off his computer's sound and shut it down, before slowly shuffling to the door.

He takes a deep breath, before opening it.

"Hyung?"

**Saeyoung**

Saeyoung's a little dishevelled, and a little shiny around the eyes. His singlet clings gently to his shape, arms wrapped around himself just as they had been at the zoo, when he'd been afraid of losing his brother.

Still smelling faintly of ginger and lime.

A hopeful, plaintive expression on his face.

"I want to talk... just a little? Ah... is it okay? For me to come in?"

**Saeran**

Saeran swallows. Now, he sees it...

Now that he’s admitted it to himself… the attraction is certainly there.

Particularly with Saeyoung showing up at his door, looking the way he does.

Smelling the way he does.

That expression on his face making Saeran want to reach out, and…

This is dangerous.

But he can't back out. After all, he all but asked for this. Saeran steps back, letting Saeyoung enter. The expression on his face is unmistakably dazed and flustered, but that can be explained away.

**Saeyoung**

It's understandable, to Saeyoung. He’s never shown up like this at his brother’s door before. And it's late.

"Thank you..."

He brushes past his twin, oblivious to the way Saeran’s lips part as he does. Too caught up in how to explain what he needs to explain…

He drops himself down on the end of Saeran's bed, staring at his feet a moment.

The room... it's always shut, so, of course... it smells like Saeran.

It's familiar – not the exact scent of their childhood, but still, unmistakably Saeran.

It brings a small smile to his face, which had been nothing but serious until now.

He looks up, to meet Saeran's eyes.

"I wanted to be... more honest with you. About today. I don't want to be a burden to you, Saeran, but... I want to be closer to you, so…"

He rubs at the back of his head, looking away again. "Ah... it's so much easier to type this stuff out... saying it... is..."

He forces himself to turn his attention back to his twin, despite how it makes his chest tight. "I... when I thought I'd lost you, today... it felt like the whole world stopped existing too..."

He tries to read his brother’s expression, but can’t make out his reaction at all.

"It was only a minute, but... I was terrified. It felt like my heart would burst. But! Oh, but, this isn't about you disappearing... you didn’t do anything wrong… you... shouldn't have to be in my sight all the time... you're your own person. This is more... about what I felt afterwards. That I was too afraid to show you."

He leans forward, hands either side of him on the bed, like he already wants to stand and take Saeran in his arms.

"When I saw you, when I heard you call my name back, I wanted to sob, I was so relieved. And I... wanted to run to you... and wrap you in my arms... tell you how I felt... I wanted to stroke your hair and hold you close and... I know... I can be suffocating... I know… it’s something difficult for you, so, I... try not to..."

His gaze is like honey, his words are sweet and fragile like wafers. His lips are like- "But I just… I just wanted you to know… I don't want to do things like that because I'm seeing you as my kid brother that needs me to protect him. You aren’t… you’re… I thought maybe my motivations are coming out wrong, and that’s why they’re…”

He’s babbling. How to say it?

He wanted to hold Saeran because…

 “I… react like that… want things like that… because it’s... _you_... and I _love_ you... that's it... and I was so afraid... of losing my brother again… my brother, who is smart and capable and strong… who doesn’t need me, not really, but… I do… I need you, Saeran."

Now... now he's definitely looking weepy. And small. And soft. And alone.

"So... I didn't do those things, because I worried you’d think it was just me… patronising you… suffocating you… but... maybe… I was wrong? Maybe I should have... or at least told you... so you knew. How I felt. How _I_ need you."

Much like online, he forces himself to stop rambling. Hoping at least some of the words he said got his message through. Will show Saeran how much he cares, in a way Saeran will believe.

"Thanks… for listening... and for holding my hand…"

**Saeran**

It's everything Saeran's wanted to hear. His heart flutters rapidly in his chest, overcome with the confession - now in real life.

There's only... one difference.

In real life, they're twins. And Saeyoung’s confession is only one of brotherly love. It doesn’t mean anything else.

It makes this moment a sweet torture.

Saeran feels sick.

"Why... do you have to say those things..." he mutters, struggling to come to grips with it all, "why do you have to look like that..."

It's so unfair.

Why does it have to be like this?

Before he realizes it, his body is moving on its own - reaching out to grasp Saeyoung's hand. Thankfully, it's only his hand. By the time Saeran's aware of what he's doing, he's very conscious of how easy it would've been to lean in just that little further and -

No. They can't cross that line. That would only lead to a bad ending for them both.

"...don't thank me for this," is all Saeran says, with finality.

Firmly shutting down any other urges he may have.

Tomorrow, he'll end this fantasy, and these urges.

Tomorrow, he’ll uninstall LOLOL.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry I won't let you go on such a cliffhanger - this story is already continued in the next fic, [Every Star Must Fall](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17224826/chapters/40504226)!
> 
> Thank you so much for coming along with us on this ride as Saeran uncovered his own feelings. Next, it's Saeyoung's turn...


End file.
